Being treated like you're ultimatley fragile

Page 1 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Marylandman889
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2013
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 166
Location: Maryland

24 Sep 2014, 7:10 pm

(Pushing aside the fact I am questioning my Aspeger's status as I haven't had an official diagnosis and it might be another form of ASD and/or OCD or the likewise, etc. I digress).
Does anybody hate when people treat them like we're so fragile and "disabled" we can't think for ourselves or don't know what is quite frankly going on around us? Like, I constantly need to be reminded when the need arises that "I have Asperger's" and it's whats causing me to do things. Short and simple: I am tired of people thinking that my cognitive ability to process norms and what's going on around me is impaired and I am quite frankly, stupid. Does anybody else feel the same way? I know I'm not that sound in explaining this and I could dish out a few anecdotes but I don't want to go on. I'll see what anybody else has to say.



calstar2
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 332

24 Sep 2014, 8:00 pm

No, I like it when my mother recognizes my limitations because it makes me feel validated.



downbutnotout
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 656
Location: MN, US

24 Sep 2014, 8:22 pm

Yes, and I've been treated that way on this forum, too. Because if an Aspie is having trouble or upset, they've gotta be doing some stupid Aspie stuff to cause it and need to be informed of the reality of the situation they're not capable of understanding, right? :roll:

It's one reason I don't disclose. While I don't need to be emotionally close to those around me, I do want to stay off the radar and not jeopardize any positive reputation I may gain.



Perkulator
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 136
Location: The North Country, NY

24 Sep 2014, 8:25 pm

I don't like it when people treat me as if I am so fragile they are afraid to tell me what is going on. I also don't like it when they tell me how to do something step by step, every day, year in and year out, as if I am stupid or something. I have relatives who have died and I was not told for months and years after they died. The excuse is always ,"Well we just found out ourselves". B and S. If anything I am more upset because they don't tell me what is going on.



Marybird
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Apr 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,818

24 Sep 2014, 9:07 pm

I don't mind being treated like I am fragile or stupid, because sometimes it's true.



Marylandman889
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2013
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 166
Location: Maryland

24 Sep 2014, 9:13 pm

I agree that I do appreciate people knowing my limits and comfort zones, but I'm not stupid though.



WeeYank
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 187
Location: US

24 Sep 2014, 9:22 pm

I've noticed that boyfriends have treated me as fragile as if I bring out their protective side. I unashamedly eat that up with a spoon. If anyone else treats me that way it just feels patronizing.


_________________
RAADS-R score 212. AQ score 46. Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (not Aspergers).


Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Age: 125
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,609
Location: Out of my mind

24 Sep 2014, 10:01 pm

Yes. My verbal language difficulties (disjointed speech, stuttering, longer processing times etc) instantly make people assume I'm stupid. Honestly, sometimes they speak to me like I'm five years old. This really hurts. It's frustrating.


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


little_blue_jay
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Age: 48
Gender: Female
Posts: 421
Location: Ontario, Canada

24 Sep 2014, 10:37 pm

Raleigh wrote:
sometimes they speak to me like I'm five years old.


Some people at the coffee shop I worked at spoke to me like that too. I spoke to them like they were five years old right back. They'd leave me alone after that :lol: Once in a while a customer would treat me like that too, I turned it around & spoke in the same manner right back. Not ashamed of it - just because I was in "customer service" doesn't mean we have to take disrespect from them.

I do appreciate if/when people who know me try to avoid aggravating my sensory issues - i.e. trying not to startle me if it can be avoided...


_________________
Diagnosed "Asperger's to a moderate degree" April 7, 2015.
Aspie score 145 of 200
NT score 56 of 200
AQ score: 47
RAADS-R score: 196


WeeYank
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 187
Location: US

24 Sep 2014, 10:54 pm

little_blue_jay wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
sometimes they speak to me like I'm five years old.
Not ashamed of it - just because I was in "customer service" doesn't mean we have to take disrespect from them.


You are my hero! I too work in customer service and take that sort of treatment from customers regularly. The old adage "The customer is always right" is complete and utter nonsense.


_________________
RAADS-R score 212. AQ score 46. Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (not Aspergers).


Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Age: 125
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,609
Location: Out of my mind

25 Sep 2014, 12:37 am

Sometimes I get fed up and start using sign language (the official kind, not the middle-fingered variety) which I'm proficient at. The look on their face is often priceless.


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


DarkAscent
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jul 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 276
Location: -

25 Sep 2014, 1:57 am

I have been treated like a helpless little kid before lots of times. By both my peers and teachers. I was spoken to like a five year old by my teachers in secondary school and when I first moved there, most of my classmates had never met another deaf person before so were unsure of how to communicate with me. I don't blame them. They would speak to me slowly and try to "sign" which was kinda uncomfortable because I was able to hear most of what they were saying anyway thanks to my hearing aids and I could speak sign language, but I was too shy to tell them.

One classmate of mine tried to do everything for me when she learned about my deafness and social and communication difficulties. She always called me "cute" and tried to carry my bags for me. She'd tell me what and what not to do like she was my mum and I was her helpless child, and tried to give me "advice". She drove me up the wall.



jk1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,817

25 Sep 2014, 3:50 am

Many people easily make an assumption about someone's abilities (usually negatively) when he/she is different in some way. They are quite narrow-minded. They actually enjoy feeling superior. Although I could tolerate those that underestimate my abilities and are kind to me, I have contempt for those that falsely underestimate me and stupidly make fun of me about it. Some are quite malicious.



ajpd1989
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 808

25 Sep 2014, 3:56 am

Raleigh wrote:
...My verbal language difficulties (disjointed speech, stuttering, longer processing times etc) instantly make people assume I'm stupid...

I have that issue quite a bit. It's disheartening at times. I just have to remind myself that they're wrong.
If it's not that, it's people automatically assuming that English isn't my native language.



DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

25 Sep 2014, 4:01 am

When I was a kid this happened to me all the time. Right now this rarely happens because I rarely disclose to people. I'm not even sure if my diagnosis is correct. It caused people to misunderstand me whether or not it's accurate or not. People often imagine personality traits or behaviors I don't actually have. That really drives me crazy.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


psot2
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 71

25 Sep 2014, 4:14 am

No. If I have problems, I want other people to be aware of them and treat me equivalently. That's why I want to get a diagnosis.

My mum gets incredibly mad at me when I do certain things. For example, when we talk to people she might tell a white lie and I would correct her on it because I missed out on social cues, and I thought instead that she made an honest mistake. In turn, she would get incredibly mad at me and tell me that, as family, we should back each other up. She would not believe me when I tell her that I didn't know.

There are also many things that I do that I would like her to understand why I do so she wouldn't be so angry at me. I also want to explain to her that I like being alone, and I'm NOT depressed. I spend disproportionate amounts of time in my room alone and I like it that way, but she thinks I'm depressed. She constantly tries to give me tasks to do for her because she thinks it will improve my "situation", but all it does is make me frustrated because I'm not interested in any of the things she wants me to do - I see them as incredibly trivial.

I'm hoping that when/if I get a diagnosis she will treat me a bit differently. I'm scared of not being diagnosed because that would just mean that I have a terrible personality and I would then have to change myself. As it is, I already make a constant effort to change my behaviour, but it rarely seems enough to accommodate other people OR myself, even though I have successfully managed to not appear "awkward" in social situations (or so I believe).