autism awareness

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Lately I notice all of this "Autism awareness day/week/month" whatever and see all of the children and people with obvious severe impairment issues involved in the activities, but it seems like people who are diagnosed older in life and are not as obviously severely affected are being marginalized. Society has become so accustomed to the performance we have had to suffer pretending to be NT all our lives that when we are finally diagnosed we are still expected to just "deal with it" and not make a big fuss about our difficulties., If we are fortunate to be finally relieved of that social hell of interaction by being put on SSDI then we are viewed as not being worthy of receiving those benefits and are treated like we are "moochers" and frauds.

Yes. Sometimes I feel like I want to drop all the pretence and revert to my childhood self where I spun around in circles until I fell over - before I was told stimming was ret*d and I could clap my hands all day and write my little codes. I want to tell people their rules are stupid and then never speak again. I want to make weird noises and do cartwheels - perhaps simultaneously.
So sick of being told to 'deal with it'. I would like to see how people deal with my 'true self' - if I let it show.

That is the way it is. That is why I only disclose on a need to know basis.

What I have been finding is this is while I have never doubted my diagnosis I have underestimated my severity. I can't really truthfully answer the "Where are you on the spectrum" threads because all the coping has confused not only the outside world but me. I can't tell a whether a skill I think have I one that learned which is a positive, or just me deluding myself. Not knowing how others really think of me is not helpful in this regard.

People think that if you can act in a neurotypical way then you no longer have autism. They don't get that it's just an act; they have no idea how foreign their behaviour is to us. And most have no respect for our ways of behaviour. I can't even remember the last time I acted freely, without consulting my "code book". How can you feel like you belong in society when your natural behaviour is rejected and corrected constantly.