My mum thought I was a "ret*d" all along.

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I was telling my mum about why I think I'm an aspie and I talked to her about many things I didn't understand as a child. She told me it all made sense and that all along she didn't realise I had aspergers, she just thought I was "ret*d".

I have no idea how she could think that. I always got perfect scores in everything in school, particularly in the subjects that most other students considered "difficult" (math - oriented subjects). I also got high IQ test scores when the children in school were tested for IQ. I asked her why she thought I was stupid and she said that anyone who doesn't know how to act socially just "appears stupid".

Does that make sense to any of you guys?? Do you think you come off as stupid to others?

I'm just dumbfounded that my own mum could think something like this.

My mother thinks I'm rather "ret*d" myself.

Forget what she thinks!

You know how much you've accomplished in life!

People frequently have screwy ideas!

Move on from your mother's impressions!

My dad told me later that he was so proud of me that I didn't turn out to be "ret*d" like he thought.

Yes, I'm similar to you in that academically I was bright, an "A " student, and supposedly have an IQ in the beginning of the "high" range, but throughout my life sometimes people have written me off as stupid because of my social awkwardness. I've been outright told "Everyone here thinks you're stupid" -- that was from a delightful co-worker of mine, many years ago, a person who was in fact a remarkably dim bulb; talk about pot and kettle. That was just one example. Miss a few sarcastic jokes around the water cooler, or take someone literally a few times too many, and bam, written-off as dumb.

I do think that sadly it's a mistake many people do make -- that of believing a socially awkward person just must not be a bright person. It's ignorance and lack of insight that causes them to write you off like that.

Don't listen to your mum. Your academic record speaks of a bright mind; think about that more and it will sink in that you are an intelligent person regardless of the poor insight of others.

Welcome to the club.

I've kinda learned that NT's like to "judge a book by it cover" as the saying goes. It's not so much a matter of who you really are as it is so much of how other perceive you as. Honesty, integrity and genuineness have no value anymore. The numbers may speak for themselves, but if you can't put on that facade. It don't mean jack sh!t.

Both my parents tell me I'm ret*d and make fun of my behaviors and bully me, it really hurts to get that from your own parents, I was never close to them to begin they never payed attention to me they always tell me how bad I am in studies, etc they never appreviate what I do like when I try to joke and be funny they'll call me a ret*d and start laughing and making fun of me, getting bullied and looked down on by them too added up to this is just hell

I grew up with people thinking I am stupid. But when people realize you are smart, they treat you worse because they expect you to act socially appropriate and know social things so they assume it's on purpose. I sometimes think it's better if people think I am stupid.

But as a kid, I was not good in math or my school work and I was slow and got average grades and was easily distracted in class and didn't understand the rules. So I do look stupid on my report cards and everything needed improvement. I still got treated bad and I wonder what is so wrong with being stupid. My "stupidity" wasn't harming anyone. Kids also thought I was ret*d and I wasn't treated well either for that. For children, you are either stupid or ret*d or smart. They don't know of other labels for "stupidity" if you are not stupid but don't act smart.

Oh yes, both my parents thought I was ret*d and still do(my dad is dead though). Also did well academically to an extent although school was hell and I dropped out, reading at a college level in 7th grade, high IQ, it meant nothing to them. My dad would tell me all the time what was I going to do once he and my mom were dead.

They also always sabotaged me when I tried to make my own way, they were protecting the ret*d.

My mom still discounts all my wise advice, and ends up f*****g up royally or in the hospital because of it.

Worst of all when I moved out and supported myself, got married, had a kid etc all the things I was never going to do, it meant nothing to them. I didn't do things how they thought I should have, so I was still a failure at life. Really depressing having parents like that.

Your Mum's right, but she doesn't mean to hurt you or loves you any less. Sounds like she just says things as they are. But did you ask her to give you an example of you how you appear stupid?

My Mum says things to me that make me go into the sulk mode of a 3 year old lol. Then I won't be happy until she 'shows' me love again Once she had a visitor and expected me to join in the convo. I didn't know what to say and stayed quiet. I got a telling off for not making an effort after the woman left. Lol, I'm a mature woman myself. But obviously my Mum doesn't think so.

Sounds exactly like my mother and my brothers too for that matter, only my Dad and sister didn't think of me that way. My Mom didn't actually call me ret*d but she treated me like I was, sent me to a shrink when I was 10 to find out what was wrong with me, and after two years with the shrink he basically couldn't diagnose me...I don't think he was the best shrink out there. She would get angry at me and make fun of me for having a nervous tic and generally being "different'. My mother died recently and I had to come to terms with the fact that she died thinking of me as an embarrassment to her and she even disinherited me and my children from her will....the final slap in the face from the grave. I guess it's no surprise that I can't find a tear to shed over her death.

My parents don't think of me highly. They know that I'm smarter than them, because the diagnostic lady I went to told them I had 144 IQ, I think they favor my sister because she got better grades and stuff. My brother's more social too so I have a feeling that I'm viewed as troubled or defective.

Did that phrase bring back memories
N = "Needs Improvement"
Welcome to my elementary school report cards in all practically all subjects. But my IQ was high (don't remember the number)

I wouldn't take it too personally. It's just a catch-all label to describe what they perceive from your behaviours/actions/shortcomings etc. Don't take it too literally or personally.

I didn't get that label. Instead, from my family and close friends I got a very frustrated "..you are SO smart, why can't you get this? are you doing this on purpose?" sort of comments. In hindsight, I completely understand where they were coming from. A few years ago one of them said "you're not ret*d.." out of frustration & not getting why I couldn't get something. I cut him off and told him "yeah, I am. 50 years ago there wouldn't have been a diagnosis of ADHD (didn't know about ASD at the time) & I would have been diagnosed as "mildly ret*d."" It made him pause and think for a moment and he seemed to get my point. Once he understood that my brain functions were literally ret*d, hindering & holding me back, he was a lot more accepting of my frustrating quirks at the time.

Now I very very rarely annoy anyone with my symptoms because they are so extremely minimal since treating myself the way I describe in the thread in my sig. I'm literally living a second life. Back to work, healthier, happier, more socially intuitive etc etc.

I suspect there are a lot of people who read social popularity as intelligence and social awkwardness as lack of intelligence. Also when I am stressed I can get a bit "fumbly" in whatever I am doing. I suppose that must look a bit dumb to some people. I have certainly run into people who thought I wasn't very bright in spite of having lots of intellectual interest and significant knowledge in areas of interest. That was especially true when I was a kid. I even had a psychologist some years ago when I was about 19 who was teaching my Psychology 101 course who clearly thought I was pretty thick and dropped a not-so-subtle hint that maybe I shouldn't plan to continue a college education. I guess to a lot of people being one of the popular people means being bright and being the awkward and nervous sort means being dim.