Having shut downs rather than meltdowns

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I have heard of people on the spectrum having ?meltdowns? when they get overwhelmed or overloaded in some way and I take this to mean they have some kind of ?outburst?, perhaps shouting out or vocalising their distress in some other way. I feel like a meltdown implies some kind of noisy and very obvious demonstration of distress or frustration.

I don?t ever do this, I seem to shut down instead. When I am seriously overwhelmed and distressed, I almost completely shut down and pretty much stop being able to communicate. I can?t tell people what's wrong and I feel like my brain is on pause. I can?t seem to access my thoughts and I don?t know what to do.

I can act very strangely when I am in shut down mode. For example, I got overwhelmed in a therapy session today and after I left the room I just sat on a ledge outside. After ten minutes I moved into the waiting room and sat there for a bit and then I left, totally blanking my therapist who had come out to wait for her next client. I went and sat in my car but only for a moment before going and standing outside of the building where I get therapy. Then I went back in and sat in the waiting room again. I don?t know why I couldn't settle or what I was trying to achieve by moving about. I didn't feel in control of my thoughts or actions.

My therapist came and sat with me after I went back in but I couldn't really talk to her. As well as being ?shut down? I started having an anxiety attack. In the end my therapist had to leave me and I managed to pull myself together enough to get home.

Does anything like this happen to anyone else and do you attribute it to you ASD? Do you have ways to manage it when it happens? Are there things people can do to help?

I don?t know what to say to my therapist. I feel so embarrassed about the way I acted in front of her.

Yep. I shut down more often than melt down. But, I have only ever explained why, not apologized, for doing so. I doubt there is reason to apologize, but an explanation is a good thing to do after the fact. It is simple, people with ASDs do this occasionally or even frequently. Others should understand that it happens.

Thank you so much for the reponses. It's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this!

Your therapist, if she has worked with other autistic patients in the past, will appreciate what you're going through. My advice is, just tell her you got overwhelmed, didn't know what to do, and had to leave to collect yourself. Then she can ask you what in particular overwhelmed you and that can be the start of your next session.

I shut down (go blank and won't respond) and meltdown (cry uncontrollably).
I feel both these processes are absolutely necessary for my well-being. If I couldn't do either of these I'm sure I would go mad. I feel 'managing' my shutdown/meltdown would be detrimental to the whole process.
Yes, they are embarrassing - but vital to me.

I have two kinds of shutdowns. I will either go catatonic and just sit there like a statue and it's really hard to snap me out of it. Or I'll curl into a ball and go catatonic.

Only a few times during my whole life i think that what i had would be considered a meltdown, and was during the worst and most stressful situations i've ever had. Shutdowns, in the other hand, are pretty common and at least once a week i become overwhelmed to the point where i need to go to my room, turn of every light and every sound and let my mind rest or i would freak out completely.

I also have shutdowns instead of meltdowns. I think I've only had one or two stereotypical meltdowns in my life.

The woman who did my ASD assessment said that it's not uncommon to only have one or the other. She asked me if there were any traits that most autistics have that I don't. I said that I don't seem to have meltdowns. She said that she considers shutdowns and meltdowns different forms of the same thing.

Oh yeah. I go blank and stare at a fixed point. I am aware of what's happening around me, though quite vaguely-- even my own thoughts are distant and they're usually very self-deprecating at that point. It feels like I *could* pull myself out of it but it would be very difficult, and the fact of the matter is I don't... I feel as though I have to stay there until whatever it is has passed. I've internally referred to it as standby mode before. I seem to sink a couple of layers of cognition deeper than usual. And yeah, this is usually in response to stress or sadness.