New and confused.

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Alright here goes nothing. It's probably going to be a long winded posted so I apologize I just am trying to understand myself a bit better. So please bare with me.

I am 22 year old lesbian female. (Thought I should clarify to reduce confusion later)



Recently I have had peers point out some characteristics about my socializing.
It's always been an exhausting task that usually ends in later embarrassment because it's as if I am desperate for friends.
So I knew of Aspergers before but never actually looked too deeply into it. That is until now. So I took some test online and results strongly indicated Aspergers. So I took and retook and took different ones with all the test resulting in the same answer. So then I started researching more becoming fixated on it. Then it all sort of made sense. Then everything made sense and I could trace signs all through my life.

Like I was sociable in elementary school but I was also "annoying" and often missed signs that people were not interested in what I was interested in yet didn't I didn't want to stop. When I became fixated on a subject I researched everything I could. For instance in 3rd grade I became interested in sharks so I read every book there was in the library about sharks. Through the years my fixations change for awhile it was skate boarding then it was laws then it was computers, so on and so on. It changes but when I find something I from what others say obsess. I try and share it but now I just keep it to myself because people tell me I am "long winded".


**Then I found out that that is a symptom of Aspergers but then I started wondering if maybe it is just something that everyone does regardless of anything.

Then there are other things.

Meeting new people has always been rather exhausting. I never know what to say and the things I do say are often not heard or I just say things that either have a dead end (like "yeah" or "ok") or relate it back to something I enjoy and people think I am selfish.

I only like touch in certain parts of my body. Otherwise it is very uncomfortable and it makes me upset when it's not respected. Like my girlfriend gets upset that I restrict her to my "safe zones". Keep in mind this was before we suspected aspergers so it was difficult to understand. Now it makes sense! I am okay kind of with hugs though they are usually awkward experiences for all parties except between my girlfriend and I.

I notice that I don't make eye contact it's uncomfortable. I was told that it's respectable so I try and do it but I compensate and state at the bridge between people's eyes. I never really thought anything of it until now.

I have a routine and if I am disrupted I feel like my whole day is completely screwed up. I feel just all over the place and it gives me anxiety.

I suck with math but am intrigued by numbers if that makes sense.

I twirl my hair a lot of the time I do it rather subtly and am wondering if this could be part of it? I have been doing it since I was about 1 years of age.

I don't really know how to respond when people talk about their problems. On a few occasions I have straight walked away in the middle of their sentences. Or I smile or laugh. Though I can give good advice but maybe that's because I look at things from a logical perspective rather than emotional?
While we are on the subject of emotions I cannot express excitement. For instance my friend and I went to a show and I just stood there blankly staring I was enjoying myself but didn't know how to express it. Or my girlfriend got me some comic books for my birthday and I loved it but only could say thank you in a very unenthusiastic way. In fact this is how all gifts go.
Sometimes when my mom or anyone cries but you would think with my mom it would be different I just sit there and watch. Sometimes I have to fight a smile but usually I just sit there and eventually walk away frustrated with my inability to do more.
I have emotions usually they come out as frustrations and I just cry or don't say anything. It's frustrating at times.

I have always been good at jobs that I have. Usually it's exhausting and requires a lot of observing how others act.
I remember I would sit and study how people interacted with one another and I was always at a total loss on how they seemed to know what to do. Like nonverbal communication. Like when you approach someone walking and you are going to collide but at the last minute they both move together to avoid disaster. I never understood how they just knew which way to move. I am the person that stumbles to move out of the way and look like a fool. That's just a simple example.

Texting is a pain I never know what a person means. But it is also my preferred choice because it allows me to respond when I feel like it.

I hated reading out loud in school because I didn't like the attention on me I just didn't know how to take that sort of stuff so in school they thought I had learning disabilities, yet I was also a year ahead grade wise and two years advanced in science classes in high school.


I wonder how I was missed in school but I moved around a lot so maybe no one was around long enough to catch it. Also my parents weren't around home a lot so many it was just missed.


But now I am an adult and I have a job taking care of adults with developmental disabilities and it's easy. I don't have to carry a conversation with them most of the time they don't want to either, I am very good at my job because I recognize patterns in my clients behaviors which help their case workers help them. I am in a stable relationships. The emotional communication gets tricky but if things are basically spelled out to me I can logically come to a resolution. Now with the suspicion on aspergers my partner has recognized most of the traits and can see where they for which makes it easier to.



My point I guess is if this sounds like a place I belong, or am I just different from everyone. Is there a point to get further testing from doctors or is it pretty obvious. What do I do now?

I, for one, can't really tell if you have Asperger's/Autism. You would have to get diagnosed by a professional. It could cost plenty of money (US), or take a considerable amount of time (UK).

I am of the opinion that anybody--whether they are diagnosed, undiagnosed--who believe they have autistic traits, belong here. As do "neurotypical" people who are affected by Asperger's/Autism in some way.

This site is very educating. There are lots of people here with great insights, interesting theories, and interesting "takes" on life.

There will be the idiots who attack people or one reason or another. However, as I stated previously, anybody should feel welcome here on WrongPlanet--if their purpose is to educate themselves, make friends with somebody, or otherwise use this site for a constructive purpose.

I don't see any symptoms that shout aspergers to me, however, that doesn't mean anything.

Since you recently found out about aspergers, I would say slow down for a second. Most people can find a large variety of diagnosis's that have many traits that apply to them and there are many different diagnosis that have very similar symptoms. Most traits are found in neurotypicals too, but in lesser degrees and so it is common for people to be hypochondriacs concerning mental health.
I would advise looking through other diagnosis's first and then seeking a professional.
Also, remember that there is rule with psychology where the same diagnosis between genders have variant traits and that the majority of tests are geared towards the male. This is because a hundred years ago it wasn't as acceptable to pathologize females and thus accidentally denied support. This may or may not apply in your case.
So, maybe you should research female schizoids, or social anxiety, both which can manifest many of the similar traits. And then look at other things beyond there.

And even if you have the traits, is it causing you significant social, education, or career problems? It's a prerequisite for the diagnosis.

For me, I have just started the path towards a diagnosis and I have been looking through numerous different diagnosis for the last two years before I decided that aspergers fit me best.

Also, welcome to WP. Hope you find what you are looking for.

From the traits you mentioned, I'd say looking into a proper diagnosis would be worthwhile. Apart from touch, do you have any other sensory problems (averse reactions to or craving for intense sound, light, etc.)? How is your emotional regulation? Do you ever experience meltdowns (episodes of intense, uncontrollable rage, stress or panic that look a lot like temper tantrums) or shutdown (periods of overwhelm during which you physically or emotionally withdraw and become generally unresponsive to external stimuli)?

I don't think social anxiety is viable, since you say you like communicating with people, you just aren't very good at it. Socially anxious people fear communicating with others and try to avoid it. Schizoid personality disorder is quite serious and involves breaks from reality, hallucinations, delusions, etc, so I don't think that's your problem either. From what you've written, I'd say speaking to a professional would be a reasonable idea.