Question: Hatred of Touch, But with Two Exceptions

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Hi, folks. I've posted a few times about my disgust regarding physical contact. I was born with high-functioning autism, and that is one of the symptoms, but I was also very badly abused by my father all through my childhood, and a few times during adolescence (not sexually but physically and emotionally). I was also bullied a lot during my teenage years, mostly verbal insults but sometimes physical abuse. Someone suggested to me that all that abuse might be a bigger cause for my hatred of touch than my autism. Maybe so. I've never been with anyone in my life in any way (I'm a straight woman). I also have androphobia (fear of men).

There was one thing I forgot to mention about my aversion to touching: there are two exceptions to it. It does not apply to children or animals. I have no trouble being touched by children and never have. I've done a lot of baby sitting in my life, for my cousins, nieces and nephews, and we touched each other a lot, when playing or when being affectionate. But when the kids grew up, I no longer wanted them to touch me. The other exception is animals. I love all animals and I have two cats and love to cuddle with them.

I wonder why this is. Could it be because young children and animals don't seem threatening? All my life I was hurt by people my own age and older. Maybe I feel safe with much younger people, i.e., kids. Plus, the unconditional love I get from my cats is the opposite of all that rejection.

What do you think? Thanks for any input. -- higgie

My guess is that it has a lot to do with the abuse. Children and animals are not threatening as an abusive father would be.

I have a strong aversion to touch, with the one exception being furred mammals that I trust (namely my dog).
I'm not completely sure why. I was bullied, but not usually physically. I was given corporal punishment sometimes, but I wouldn't say I was abused.

There's just something I really don't like about the feeling of other people/creatures touching my skin. It's like the same sort of icky, creeped out feeling I get when, for instance, I find a large centipede running straight at me.

But the other thing is, I always wonder "what makes people assume they have the right to touch someone else without asking?"
It's apparently a natural thing for many people, particularly when trying to comfort someone, but I just don't understand it.

I don't know how many times I've had to tell people not to touch me. I don't feel like I should have to though.
Now I generally go out of my way to stay at least four feet away from people.

I don't like being touched at all by anyone really. Like, I don't mind if my mom gives me a hug or something like that, but that's about as far as it goes. I have no problems with being around animals, I just don't like cats being on my lap and feeling their nails going into my legs.

Even when I've gone out on dates with women before it felt weird to touch someone (not in a sexual way or anything, just putting my arm around them)

I have problems with touch, but not because of abuse.

I don't mind "pressure", but light touch really, really bothers me, or if I get touched and I'm not in the mood.

For me, it has more to do with sensory overload. If I am stressed, touch will make it worse. I don't like humidity because the water vapor in the air is constantly touching me.

In my case, my problem *does* extend to children and animals. I have a cat that tiptoes on me or doesn't sit exactly right, and it bothers me. If he just laid down and put equal pressure on me, it would be OK. When my kids were little, they would be touching me all day long, and by the end of the day I couldn't take it anymore.

i think it indeed has to do with assumed threat; i experience something similar (although also without the abuse part, luckily).

small children are pure and free of prejudice (usually) and therefor don't 'feel' threatening, making their touch less invasive; kind of the same way you can feel if a dog or a cat hates, tolerates or likes you, you can just instinctively 'feel' such things.
the other exemption is for people i truly trust (parents and my girlfriend), and with them, touch feels a lot more intimate then it would normally be described: they are the only people that are able, let alone allowed, to touch me without me flinching

What is more unpleasant - the tactile experience, or the idea of it?

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

Hey Norny,

I hope your computer problems have been resolved.

I like reading your posts.

I have no problems with touch as long as I'm prepared for it. I would have no problems with strangers touching me, hugging me, tickling me, etc, as long as I'm ready for it. If I'm touched by surprise then its extremely uncomfortable. I guess that I need fair warning so I can flip the switch in my head.

I don't like being touched by anyone but my girlfriend(I love it from her). I have gotten alot better than I used to be about letting others touch me but I still don't really hug or let anyone kiss me except my girlfriend of coarse. I was bullied alot as a kid but my mom describes me as being very anti-affectionate sense I was a toddler which was before bullying began so I think Aspergers made me anti-affectionate but being bullied didn't help it any.