Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

LokiofSassgard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 719
Location: My own autistic wonderland!

09 Oct 2014, 5:07 pm

Do you have a hard time saying manners? Like, excuse me when someone is in your way or please and thank you for example? I know I do, and my parents think I'm rude when I do this too. I don't mean to be, but it's just it's hard to process these things. I end up saying whatever comes to my mind without even thinking. D: My parents are always like "We raised you better than that".

I was just wondering if there were others who were like this as well. I'm not sure if it's an autism thing or not, possibly even a social deficit we have... but I was still curious to know if other aspies/autistics deal with not using manners when they are supposed to.


_________________
Currently diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, ADHD, severe anxiety, learning delays and developmental delays.


Luzhin
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jan 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 274
Location: TN

09 Oct 2014, 5:35 pm

When I was younger manners were very difficult because I didn't know what response the person expected. I also stuttered very bad so to say anything to a stranger or even a family member at times, could end up causing more problems (stress, anxiety) than if I had just kept quiet.

Now that I'm older I do my best to be mannerly when ever possible although I still have a problem looking at the person that I'm speaking to.

I have tried to teach my children to observe good manners because it just seems to make going through life a bit easier.



psot2
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 Sep 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 71

09 Oct 2014, 5:38 pm

When I was younger it seemed pointless to me to say hi, bye, sorry, excuse me, please, etc. The words "good morning" seemed strange to me.

Nowadays I say them all automatically, but for some reason "excuse me" still bothers me, because I have to say it in order to get a response from someone else. I think that's a more real interaction than any of the other words, which makes it more difficult.



Raleigh
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2014
Age: 126
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 34,629
Location: Out of my mind

09 Oct 2014, 5:41 pm

Saying hello or goodbye never made sense to me. I can see when you've arrived or when you're departing so why do I need to announce it? I myself hate saying hello or goodbye. I usually try to slip in unnoticed and slink away afterwards.
The most difficult thing for me is interrupting someone. I used to just stand there like an idiot until they finished talking, even if it was a private conversation. I've been reprimanded for doing this at work, so now I say, "excuse me" straight away and annoy people that way instead.
I'm ok with please and thank you.


_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking


downbutnotout
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 656
Location: MN, US

09 Oct 2014, 5:42 pm

Similar to some other posters, I wasn't good with manners when I was younger. I guess I just didn't think of how things would make other people feel because my brain was always somewhere else, not paying attention to social matters. As an adult manners are incredibly important to me, so I'm careful down to remembering to take my earbuds out when I'm speaking to a barista or food service worker.



andrethemoogle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,254
Location: Sol System

10 Oct 2014, 12:04 am

I'm mostly always polite out in public, though I get annoyed when people can't say "excuse me" or "please" when in stores, or not holding the door open when I'm right behind them.



LDM
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 27

10 Oct 2014, 12:29 am

LokiofSassgard wrote:
Do you have a hard time saying manners? Like, excuse me when someone is in your way or please and thank you for example? I know I do, and my parents think I'm rude when I do this too. I don't mean to be, but it's just it's hard to process these things. I end up saying whatever comes to my mind without even thinking. D: My parents are always like "We raised you better than that".

I was just wondering if there were others who were like this as well. I'm not sure if it's an autism thing or not, possibly even a social deficit we have... but I was still curious to know if other aspies/autistics deal with not using manners when they are supposed to.
Not so much anymore but earlier on in life absolutely. Anytime where I'm expected to do something but don't know what to do, I have to roll the dice and guess what to do. That's when people catch the illusion.


_________________
From risk comes progress.
To Hell with boundaries.
The future will contain more than the present.
Rule number 10.


izzeme
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665

10 Oct 2014, 4:22 am

those manners seem to be over the top and unnecessary in my eyes, but i do use them (usually) because i have learned that it is expected of me, it's just easier that way.
this is similar to thanking the bus driver when you get out. i mean, it's his job to drive the bus, and you paid the fare, it's not like he did you a favor, so why thank him?



OverSeer
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 14

10 Oct 2014, 5:13 am

I personally use my "Manners" as often as possible, I always open the door for others and I find that I am much more patient then most people, From a young age I have always said please, thankyou and excuse me. However I find that I cannot say "your welcome" so I tend to say "thankyou" instead.

Quote:
Saying hello or goodbye never made sense to me. I can see when you've arrived or when you're departing so why do I need to announce it? I myself hate saying hello or goodbye. I usually try to slip in unnoticed and slink away afterwards.
The most difficult thing for me is interrupting someone. I used to just stand there like an idiot until they finished talking, even if it was a private conversation. I've been reprimanded for doing this at work, so now I say, "excuse me" straight away and annoy people that way instead.
I'm ok with please and thank you.


That sounds exactly like me, I have always found it hard to interrupt people when they are talking and also tend to wait until they have finished, Also saying "hello, goodbye and how are you" never makes any sense to me. I used to answer the phone and then not say anything :hmph: , Causing massive confusion :shrug: . Mostly for the person who has decided to call me because they would not have been able to tell if anyone has actually answered their phone call, However now I have trained myself to say "Good morning, Good afternoon or Good evening"



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,339

10 Oct 2014, 6:58 am

No

It's a simple script to follow that doesn't draw unwanted attention.



ImAnAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)

10 Oct 2014, 8:51 am

When I was with my one and only partner, she used to go crook on me because whenever we would bump into someone I knew that she didn't, I'd forget to introduce her to them.

I did that oopsie for many years, got in trouble many times but eventually learned, INTRODUCE HER!! !


_________________


Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

10 Oct 2014, 9:50 am

Similar to some others here, I had problems remembering to use words like please, thank you, sorry, etc when I was younger, but have since learned to automatically use them. I also didn't really understand the use or purpose of greetings and "good morning" when younger, but again with these too, I learned "by rote" as an adult to use them.

I'm now the same as anyone else and will use all of these phrases, but I definitely had awkward problems with them as a child and young person; I don't know why.