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androbot01
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11 Oct 2014, 8:26 pm

If you do.

Some of us are able to pass as neurotypical (I include myself in this group) and I am wondering what your reasons are for doing so?

Mine are that it allows me to pass amongst people unbothered. That is, I don't have to deal with their disapproval. I'm not sure why this still matters to me, but it does. And I get better service when I am presentable and engaging.



FireyInspiration
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11 Oct 2014, 8:29 pm

I do my best to, as its the only way to secure a decent job or social standing.



sharkattack
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11 Oct 2014, 8:33 pm

I pass in short bursts.



MathGirl
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11 Oct 2014, 8:36 pm

I don't try to pass, but I work on certain skills like my communication skills and being as caring and respectful to others as possible. This doesn't mean pleasing everyone or trying to regulate my behaviour; that only causes me distress, additional exhaustion, and anxiety. I am just genuinely concerned about others and try to be aware of how I might come across to people (but use communication to reconcile these disconnects).


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LokiofSassgard
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11 Oct 2014, 8:47 pm

I do without intention. If I'm having a good day, I can usually pass for being an NT. To be honest, you wouldn't even know I have autism just from looking at me either. It's hard to tell that I'm autistic because I don't do anything that warrants much reason for people to think I am. Unless, I'm having a meltdown or something I guess.


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DevilKisses
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11 Oct 2014, 8:59 pm

I choose to pass because I believe that's my true self. I believe I have some physical health issues that cause some autistic-like symptoms. I never truly fit the criteria. When I'm having a good day I naturally pass and act NT, but I don't act all boring and "normal". I just act like myself and I'm happy when I get the chance to. Most of the time I'm basically in a fog. Being in this fog makes me have some autistic-like behaviors. It's like I'm intoxicated. When I act "autistic" I don't feel like myself at all. I feel like I'm out of control and making a million mistakes.


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Luzhin
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11 Oct 2014, 9:36 pm

Because I have learned over decades that one group (NT) is basically in charge of what happens in this world. The more one can appear to be a part of the group the smoother things seem to go. So, when dealing with them in their world I try to fit in. I'm not always successful though.

Sometimes I really think I've got it down and then say or do something and people will just stop and give you that 'look' (can't describe it but have seen it many times) because they realize you are not a part of their tribe, but merely an outsider trying to get over the wall of uniformity they have built.



MjrMajorMajor
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11 Oct 2014, 10:46 pm

I've run the gamut from odd to flat out crazy. I am not out to please the world, but I wouldn't want to go back to being pointed at, laughed at, or completely dismissed and demeaned when I was unaware of quite why. It's a balancing act--compromising being authentic while staying in "tribe parameters". People relate to the familiar, so it seems prudent to echo that sometimes.



VagabondAstronomer
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11 Oct 2014, 11:11 pm

At a glance, I suppose I look NT enough. But my looks can be slightly unkempt at times, I pretty much ignore the current styles (my choice? They had it right in the 1930's). And my manner of speaking is very formal.
Usually once they get to know me, they pretty much determine that I am an odd bird. Not so much a problem in my late twenties - mid-thirties. But now that I am much older, I tire easily of living up to their expectations.



johnsmcjohn
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12 Oct 2014, 12:06 am

FireyInspiration wrote:
I do my best to, as its the only way to secure a decent job or social standing.


This is why. I am not rich enough to be myself so I must don my mask and do what I need to in order to survive.


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Sibyl
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12 Oct 2014, 12:14 am

I never knew that I was anything different until I was 63. I did know I had quirks, but didn't know that the sum of my quirks had a name.


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mrspotatohead
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12 Oct 2014, 1:36 am

I can pass well enough to get a job but not well enough to really keep one...



Evil_Chuck
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12 Oct 2014, 1:41 am

johnsmcjohn wrote:
FireyInspiration wrote:
I do my best to, as its the only way to secure a decent job or social standing.


This is why. I am not rich enough to be myself so I must don my mask and do what I need to in order to survive.

Same here. If you have money you can get away with almost anything, but since I don't, being myself isn't really an option. And in today's society where style and conformity are valued over substance, people will think you're an outcast just for not having a Facebook page, let alone freely displaying autistic behaviors. Rejection still hurts, even if I don't want to be part of the group anyway.


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Edna3362
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12 Oct 2014, 4:13 am

I choose to for several reasons:

1. So I wont attract any stupid attention from bullies or otherwise.
(Especially academically. I don't like people expecting me more than I should at the same time being picked or used at because "I'm too smart to get a school work so they all come to me" responsibility)
2. So people wouldn't have to tolerate me as much as I tried to tolerate them.
3. NOT to get kicked out on certain places obviously.
4. Less people criticizing of course. Or at least putting into questions regarding my state of mind.
(And the fact people would ask if I'm angry when I'm not)
5. So I'll get less annoyed even tho I'am already.
6. Consequences.
7. All the above; for the jobs. Future. Or whatever it has to be done.
8. Lastly, in hopes of connection. But seeking a REAL one seems less likely because of this.
(And I mean't 'that' I mean't the 'necessity' of conformity and getting rid of individuality.)


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kirayng
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12 Oct 2014, 6:46 am

For your reasons mostly. I feel like I have this part of me that won't ever want to stop getting along in the world or at least trying to, and it gets hurt often but keep trying anyway.

I think there is a human need to be accepted and that need depends on how strong we are in our individual self. Powerful people seem to not need to be accepted, though they are anyway so may not be as perceptive of the need to be accepted.



naturalplastic
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12 Oct 2014, 6:54 am

Since there is no advantage to not passing, and significant advantage to passing, obviously those who are able to pass choose to do so.

Why would anyone prefer unemployment, marginalization, and ridicule?