Advice on dealing with the lonesomeness.

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JohnMovieGeek
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28 Oct 2014, 1:11 pm

I was just wondering how to the men with aspergers/ high-functioning autism deal with it? I felt this way since I was a little kid and I'm 22 now. I used to be too nervous to talk to girls but now I don't care about asking women out. Some women do seem interested in me but ALL of them eventually change and start avoiding me and I don't know what I do wrong. No one tells me. I'm not even bad looking, it's my social problems. I live alone now and no longer have any close friends. I live in England so I can't buy a gun and shoot myself. I'm considering going to a shooting range and turning it on myself. Either that or hanging myself but I don't like the idea of choking to death. I mess everything up I try. I'm not even depressed, just tired of living this routine. Anyone here ever feel that way? I read statistically most men with aspergers die alone. Do you have any reasons to keep living or other advice? I considered calling the suicide hotline but I don't think they'd understand.



emtyeye
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28 Oct 2014, 2:13 pm

Do call the suicide hotline. They will understand. That is exactly what they are trained for. I have called them myself, so that's how I know. You can be depressed without knowing it. Find a mental health person to talk to, someone with experience in AS if possible, but someone.

As far as feeling hopeless and rejected, most everyone here has felt that, whether a little or a lot. If you have lost friends in your life, you can participate here with people like yourself any time you want. There are also meet-up groups and other venues for meeting people on the spectrum and their friends and families. Including girls who might be more understanding. As far as a reason for living: We do not know the future. It is as likely to hold something wonderful as not, especially if we stay open to the possibilities. Don't give up! And welcome to WP.



The_Walrus
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28 Oct 2014, 2:55 pm

I definitely know those feelings.

With regards to loneliness, you need to spend time with people. Obvious, I know. It means we have to get out of our comfort zones, accept that we aren't very good at socialising but try to do it anyway. Reach out to old friends, if you have any you'd like to meet with again; try new activities; find groups who share your interests.

Have you tried online dating?

(And I would definitely suggest calling the Samaritans for a bit of a chat)



Suncatcher
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28 Oct 2014, 3:39 pm

You need to ask yourself why the girls loose their interest.

-Is it because you try to hard?
-Is it because you are unaware you are sending off the wrong body language and signals, making you look desperate?

The key to dating is

1. You need to stop being serious. Alot of people who have a hard time getting a girlfriend make the mistake that showing a girl how serious they are and can be in a relationship gives them points. Being serious makes you look boring. There are other ways to prove yourself
2. Make her laugh, act a little bit silly. But dont scare her away.
3. Try to let the girl lead the conversation, try to make her answer alot but dont make this look forced.


I have felt pretty much like you all of my life. Eventually i stopped caring and looked for things that i think is beatiful and that i can do alone. That's how i got into landscape photography. An acquintance got me a bit into model photography too, so i learned how to look and talk at a beautiful girl without feeling mentally locked up and frozen.



cathylynn
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28 Oct 2014, 9:19 pm

i find having a pettable pet helps. my cat was my best friend for a few years.



MadHatterMatador
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28 Oct 2014, 9:48 pm

JohnMovieGeek wrote:
I was just wondering how to the men with aspergers/ high-functioning autism deal with it? I felt this way since I was a little kid and I'm 22 now. I used to be too nervous to talk to girls but now I don't care about asking women out. Some women do seem interested in me but ALL of them eventually change and start avoiding me and I don't know what I do wrong. No one tells me. I'm not even bad looking, it's my social problems. I live alone now and no longer have any close friends. I live in England so I can't buy a gun and shoot myself. I'm considering going to a shooting range and turning it on myself. Either that or hanging myself but I don't like the idea of choking to death. I mess everything up I try. I'm not even depressed, just tired of living this routine. Anyone here ever feel that way? I read statistically most men with aspergers die alone. Do you have any reasons to keep living or other advice? I considered calling the suicide hotline but I don't think they'd understand.


A lot of those men don't take the initiatives you've taken. Try a dating site, maybe even an aspie dating site. People might be more willing to understand your social problems if they know about your ASD. It can be discouraging and exhausting, but if you really try, you'll find someone. Maybe take a class or something to learn these skills. That's if you're really bothered by it. A lot of those men who live alone prefer it.


_________________
Have Aspergers- Diagnosed
Aspie Score: 178
NT Score: 39
AQ: 46