Does socialising with people you're close to make you tired?

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rebbieh
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08 Nov 2014, 7:56 am

Social interaction always drains me emotionally and physically. I find it really difficult to meet new people and the more people I meet (groups of people are worse than one-on-one conversations though one-on-one conversations can be really difficult as well) and the less I know them, the more uncomfortable, anxious and drained I get. However, I don't only get exhausted when socialising with people I don't know that well. Social interaction always drains me. Even when I'm socialising with my boyfriend who I'm very comfortable with. I really like him a lot and even though my AS really messes things up from time to time and often complicates things a lot, we still have a good relationship.

Anyway, even socialising with my boyfriend makes me tired and that sort of makes me feel bad. I know he wants to hang out more often and for longer periods of time but it's really difficult for me. I try to compromise and I'm doing my best to juggle university, my extremely valuable and essential alone time and my relationship with my boyfriend. It's hard. I want to make him happy by socialising more but at the same time I get really tired, depressed, anxious and sort of distanced after a while and then I'm no good company and all I want is to be left alone. I'm going to his place in a couple of hours (I'm at university studying right now) and I'm already really tired and all I want is to go home and be by myself (with my books and my computer). This has nothing to do with my boyfriend. It's the same with all people I meet. Family too (and I love my family).

Socialising with people always has to be done on my terms (as do most things). Everything needs to be planned but even if I plan it, it still drains me.

Does socialising with people you're close to make you tired/drained/exhausted as well or am I really weird? I feel like I'm a bad person or something.



nerdygirl
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08 Nov 2014, 9:07 am

I do get tired when socializing with people I love. But, we have a system.

Sometimes, my family wants to hang out but I feel totally drained/brain fried. So, we will do something low-key that doesn't involve talking, like watch a movie. Sometimes just cuddling on the couch with my husband without talking will meet his "socializing" need without making me more tired. I have fallen asleep on him before.

Also, it is important to know that a change of pace can be rejuvinating even if you are still doing something. Getting outside in some fresh air and going for a walk can give one a boost. That is something you could do with your boyfriend, and you may or may not talk a lot.

Work together to find things to do that aren't "high-pressure" social activities so that you can hang out and enjoy each others' company in ways that won't drain you so much.



noodler
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08 Nov 2014, 11:02 am

I get drained around some people I'm comfortable with. My dad drains me most of the time. He is extremely intense. Even when we are having a great conversation and basically agree, I still get drained. As far as my friends go, I get more anxiety around my NT friends. I have one friend who actually has the same diagnosis as me. When we hang out, we're both fine. Neither of us get drained. He doesn't have the anxiety issue as much as me, though.

Look up psychic attack. I found the information interesting, since it is from a more spiritual point of few. I believe that I have suffered severe psychic attacks in high school and college, when I was forced into interaction with out much choice. Like living in a dorm with a stranger as a room mate. And people who are very sensitive are damaged more easily/severely, I believe.



Rocket123
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08 Nov 2014, 11:13 am

I do not mind talking to others about things that are related to problem solving or information sharing. For example:
- I have no issues talking to people at work, about the projects I am working. I have no issues asking them for help or advice on those projects. I have no issues giving my opinion on what they could do to help the project be more successful.
- I have no issues talking to strangers, say at a store, about questions I might have (e.g. where can I find a particular product).
- I have no issues talking to my family, about specific things that I want to discuss (e.g. helping my parents better adapt to old age).

But, put me in a situation that is entirely unstructured, where the conversation is not directed towards anything specific. That is exhausting. I want that discussion to end as quickly as possible.



Raleigh
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08 Nov 2014, 1:17 pm

As much as I love my family, constant interaction with them would leave me a burnt-out shell. We all have our separate areas for recharge (there's a lot of autism in my household) and we try to respect each other's down-time.
You're not weird or a bad person. It's just the way it is.


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rebbieh
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08 Nov 2014, 3:40 pm

Well, I just got home. I'm such a disappointment. I keep disappointing people even though I'm doing my best not to (mostly referring to social situations now). I'm really trying but it doesn't really work out. I don't understand why my best isn't good enough.

Getting stuck in my head now (not in a good way).

(Not that it really matters but I wanted to get that off my chest. Sorry for complaining.)



Transyl
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08 Nov 2014, 3:55 pm

I know exactly how you feel. Even when I'm not disappointing people I always feel like I am.



Graelwyn
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08 Nov 2014, 4:16 pm

Yes. Too much social interaction tends to not only tire me, but also to make my OCD flare up and sometimes leaves me in an agitated and angry state, even if nothing went wrong. Regardless, I am making efforts to mix with people and do things as at my age, I feel I have spent too much time vegetating alone in my flat and although I like solitude, I do not like it to the point I wish to spend the rest of my life without friends.


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Raleigh
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08 Nov 2014, 4:17 pm

If you think about it, there isn't a feeling more useless than disappointment. It's basically a feeling of impotence after the fact. What useful purpose does it serve? Other than to make you depressed? It's superfluous. Or is it just me?


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rebbieh
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08 Nov 2014, 4:39 pm

Raleigh wrote:
If you think about it, there isn't a feeling more useless than disappointment. It's basically a feeling of impotence after the fact. What useful purpose does it serve? Other than to make you depressed? It's superfluous. Or is it just me?


I'm not sure I understand what you mean.



Raleigh
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08 Nov 2014, 5:15 pm

rebbieh wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
If you think about it, there isn't a feeling more useless than disappointment. It's basically a feeling of impotence after the fact. What useful purpose does it serve? Other than to make you depressed? It's superfluous. Or is it just me?


I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

Like, feeling anger or sadness releases tension. Happiness releases chemicals in you brain to make you feel good. Feeling cold makes you put on a jumper. Feeling guilty makes you want to be a better person. What does feeling disappointment do? It doesn't solve any problems. It has no useful purpose as far as I can see.


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Raleigh
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08 Nov 2014, 5:46 pm

Maybe it teaches us not to set our standards so high?


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Raleigh
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08 Nov 2014, 6:52 pm

I think I just killed another thread. I'm a thread killer. I always go off on a tangent. Sorry.

*Note to self: Do not think aloud on forums.


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08 Nov 2014, 10:06 pm

rebbieh wrote:
Socialising with people always has to be done on my terms (as do most things).


Me too, and it makes me feel really selfish.

Quote:
Does socialising with people you're close to make you tired/drained/exhausted as well or am I really weird? I feel like I'm a bad person or something.


It can, not always, sometimes it energizes me. But usually no matter how much I enjoy being around someone, it makes me tired and I feel relieved when I can be alone again.



EzraS
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08 Nov 2014, 11:34 pm

I don't really socialize, but being around people wears me out.



nick007
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09 Nov 2014, 2:04 am

The only people I've ever been close to were my two ex girlfriends & my current girlfriend & socializing with them didn't wear me out but socializing with anyone else does.


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