myself

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hello and for those of you who dont know me( the majority) i am new to this place but i have something on my chest that i would like to relieve.
my name is X and i have problems with life. my problems dont seem to be socializing but my way of thinking.

i lack the ability to predict people and i dont know how to respond to people. i imagine a sort of book (of social rules) that i have to follow however i find that as i get older this book feels more and more incomplete.

i always felt like that people have a hatred that they hide from for some reason. im not always sure when people compliment or insult me sarcastically so i deep down dont believe anyone.

i dont trust my family no longer because i have stolen from. i think that my family saw the weakness in me and preyed upon it.

i feel like i am getting at the end of my tether with people and i enjoy people company but i like the safety of solitude however family do try stop me from being alone because they think i am purposefully avoiding them but in reality i enjoy a good book and a warm bed more than constantly having to be alert to analyze how people are going to act and how i should react(too much computation).

i dont know whether or not i have ASD however some people have told me that they suspect that i have it such like M who used to work at the Youth hostel i stayed at for about 4 months she tried to push me to get a diagnoses but i didnt want to judged by people.

in reality i have this deep negative view about people in general. i sometimes think that extinction of cultures or perhaps the entire human race would be better for the world.

if i playfully joke with people i am childish however if i keep quiet and to myself people view me as a potential serial killer.

i hate women more than men because women can be the most loudmouth degrading people i come across
i dont like men either because there is almost always a competition between me and the person. however if they realise that i dont participate they become violent and try to bully me in showing some kind of violence.

i used to think as a child that i am different to people and they have been educated on how to behave.
i also believe as a teenager that i am undesirable or i was too eager or anxious.

i tried to make excuses for people but most people suck.

hiya Azstar welcome to the club the problems you describe have their roots in Theory Of Mind, IOW having an intuitive understanding of how people think in general, as a process. I am fairly weak in that respect which is why I had to segregate myself from people, to avoid all the difficulties that I used to get every day. at least as a hermit I have a degree of peace heretofore inconceivable by me. but your mileage may vary.

hi