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duck12
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11 Nov 2014, 9:21 pm

If so, how easy is it to acquire one? I've found I have had an extremely hard time with this.



Jono
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11 Nov 2014, 9:23 pm

Same here. I don't know if I can help you. However, I found that dating sites have been the most effective means for me to meet women.



duck12
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11 Nov 2014, 9:26 pm

Jono wrote:
Same here. I don't know if I can help you. However, I found that dating sites have been the most effective means for me to meet women.


For me not even dating sites work.



friedmacguffins
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11 Nov 2014, 9:43 pm

I'm being somewhat rude, referring to Briffault's Law.

She typically has a logistical problem, but is attempting to solve it, emotionally.

Part of the trouble with online dating (besides the incessant spamming, recurrent billing, frivolous topposting, and abject lack of local interest) is that you will never get to the root of her needs through a dmv-like photo or shallow, businesscard-like intro.

Am I wrong, girls... psychologists?



grbiker
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11 Nov 2014, 11:36 pm

I am in a long term relationship with an NT, and was married before, in my 20's-early 30's. While I wouldn't say that the women (5-6) I've dated or had relationships with were NT in the strict sense, (they had their quirks and issues) they weren't on the spectrum.

In most cases, they had to do more leg work to get/keep things going, and in the few cases that I did the pursuing, there were few or no follow up dates. Under pressure I'm a odd and poor communicator.

I think what worked was that I was active in groups related to interests and the attraction grew, or I was talking animatedly about something I found interesting and I seemed like someone interesting to date. In other words, I was being more natural.

What helps is that once someone breaks the ice with me, I come across as a quiet, intelligent and nice guy. I am also much more sociable with a drink or two in me.

Hope this helps.



Lukecash12
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12 Nov 2014, 12:05 am

grbiker wrote:
What helps is that once someone breaks the ice with me, I come across as a quiet, intelligent and nice guy. I am also much more sociable with a drink or two in me.


This. Let go of some of your inhibitions and anxiety, and go out and do it. It's only a numbers game before you get to know the person, you have to keep trying consistently and it will happen. Maybe being yourself doesn't look like prime rib to most women, I wouldn't know because I don't know you.

But even if that's the case I know women that are into something offbeat and all you need is a little liquor and to go have fun. When you're just having a good time and talking you can enjoy yourself without too much anxiety at the same time that you're casting net after net. Without the inhibitions and anxiety there I'm sure you can "catch a fish", keep casting the net.


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Adamantium
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12 Nov 2014, 12:10 am

duck12 wrote:
If so, how easy is it to acquire one? I've found I have had an extremely hard time with this.


"acquire" is the wrong word and idea.

You develop a relationship with someone, you don't acquire them, unless you practice slavery.

The best way to develop a relationship is to find things that you both enjoy and share them.



grbiker
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12 Nov 2014, 12:23 pm

One thing I thought about earlier today, there were probably a few NT women that would have been good matches for me had I been more willing and able to approach them. They were more introverted and probably weren't comfortable or outgoing enough to let me know they were interested, and I was too flakey to ask them out.

The people that I have dated/had relationships with have been pretty open about their interest in me, (almost like I didn't have a choice). But the problem is, they expect a similar openness of feelings and emotion, something that is hard for me. Eventually they want more than I'm able to provide.



eggheadjr
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12 Nov 2014, 2:23 pm

I ended up marrying an NT woman and we've been married for almost 25 years.

When I was young I found that women who were a bit older than me to be more accepting of the way I am, as opposed to women my age.

My wife is a few years older than me.


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engineerbiology
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12 Nov 2014, 2:26 pm

I think this is a thread for the "love and dating" section, not for general discussion.

Yes, they can...



glider18
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12 Nov 2014, 7:19 pm

An Asperger guy can date an NT girl. I am one of them. For seven years I dated an NT girl. In a few days, that NT girl and I will have been married 25 years.

Our first date consisted of her coming to my high school (I was a senior and she was a sophomore) to a basketball game where I was playing trombone in the pep band. In the time I wasn't playing, we talked in the band room. I pretty much talked the whole time about my special intense interest of roller coasters. I can't believe she wanted to date me after that. Then on many dates, I would bring along house plan books from my huge collection of residential architecture. She put up a lot with my special intense interests and social awkwardness. But I guess she liked me. We have two sons, one of whom was diagnosed with Asperger's after I was.


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Adamantium
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12 Nov 2014, 10:08 pm

:D Congrats glider18 & eggheadjr.

I am in my 27th year of marriage to an NT woman...

Two wonderful kids, 1 ASD boy, 1 NT girl....

No question, the best part of my life.



B19
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12 Nov 2014, 10:16 pm

Attwood wrote that when ASD men marry, they usually marry NT women. When ASD women marry, they usually marry ASD men. As there are few ASD men in the general population as a whole, and most of them marry NTs, then there are very few ASD men left for ASD women to marry, should they wish to.

So yes to your opening question, obviously.

However the proportion of ASD men and women who don't marry hasn't seemed to be reliably identified on valid samples, and it is unclear whether they didn't want to, couldn't find someone that appealed, or were rejected.

There does need to be much more research on demographic issues like this, carried out with solid metholodogical rigour.

Surveys do not meet this requirement for all sorts of reasons, they are very poor in terms of reaching conclusions that have validity.



WantToHaveALife
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12 Nov 2014, 10:24 pm

I believe it is, and want to continue believing it is



BeggingTurtle
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12 Nov 2014, 10:55 pm

I have dated a NT girl. She honestly did not know how to handle me, but served as my conscience to stop me from doing stupid things. We never really said mushy things to each other, just that we embraced each other and knew the other cared.

I don't date her anymore and I wish there were more girls like her.


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