Trapped in my body / brain.

Post Reply New Topic

I feel like I'm trapped in my body / brain. I see other students talking to each other with ease at uni. I cannot maintain speaking. I am not always verbal. And when I am verbal, it takes up so much processing power that it sends me into a nonverbal shutdown phase.

I also feel I cannot control my body. Earlier on I punched the wall real hard. I was upset but I did not mean to punch the wall. My arm went flying out and next thing I know I've punched the wall and it hurts. At uni I shout or scream when it gets noisy and crowded. My support worker takes me to a quiet area but the students all stare at me, thinking I'm totally mad. I don't want to shout or scream, it just comes out.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Sorry I sound like I'm whingeing. I'm not trying to. I'm just seeing if I am alone or not in this.

I don't scream in public and I can talk to people at the universe I'm studying, but I want to be alone, because when people are sitting beside me, I can't understand what the lessons are about (without poeple beside me I still have problems in understandign what is said).

Also, I'm very bad in understanding lectures, I'm much better in self studying, but the problem with that is, that many excerices are made during lectures .

So, I have to waste my time going to these lectures even if I don't understand easily what is said because of my poor listening skills. I would rather just have the excerices in a book and studying everythign by myself .

Then I could study some neuroscience in my spare time (and do more physical activities) instead of wasting full academic weeks by trying to understand what is said in lectures.

Do you have problems in listening during lectures at your university or college?

Last edited by engineerbiology on 30 Nov 2014, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't want to make friends. I have no interest in socialising outside the internet.

The same here, I only do each 5 or 6 month some activity with old friends from school.

And sometimes I do some activities with my roommates (during the week I don't live at home), but I never go to parties or things like that, just stay home with my roommates.

Btw, do you have problems in listen skills during lectures?

I have problems with listening in lectures if there is a fan on, or if the students are too fidgety.

I always sit right at the back.

I record my lectures so I can listen to them when I get home.

I also considered to record some lectures, because when I'm seriously ill (when I play my favourite music and dance and become psychotic of music) after that go to the lessons, my concentration is also affected.
I'm fantasizing and schizophrenic when I listen to certain songs, this is really strange, I know .

I have psychosis and OCD as well as autism.

I don't have a professional diagnosis of schizophrenia/psychosis, only a professional diagnosis of autism/asperger.

But I can become really weird and strange and psychotic when I'm listen to loud music at home (but only when I'm alone, not at parties, because then I can't become psychotic).

I dance and do stereotypical movements when I put my favourite music on, but I'm very embarrassed when people see what I do (when people open the door without knocking on the door of my room at home for example).

Is it the type of music that affects you? Can you try calming music?

Yes I can try calming music, but it's like an addiction that I choose music that makes me psychotic .
It's a good escape and fun escape .

I partly like the music because when I'm in a psychotic phase, I feel very happy. But after that, I feel very drained and my concentration is affected.

I relate to this 100%

yes that's me.
more groaning than screaming though.

Thanks for the input.

My very unstable emotions. How my brain has my mouth say wrong words a lot of the time (like they're incorrectly wired)...maybe I should talk slowly?

I mostly groan and growl