I got profiled -- bad

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My ex-husband sued me for the kids and won. I didn't realize till the next day that what they were doing in court was profiling me like the next Adam Lanza. They made a big deal that I thought I might have Aspergers in the past. Now I think I don't have it, but I definitely have some traits, but not strongly enough for the full-blown AS. So they took all these traits: social awkwardness, interest in AS, estrangement from my parents, PTSD, good story writing skills, history of being an abused child, and 'wierdness', and took my kids. The guardian ad litem said forcefully, "You will never be taking these kids to school!" And I didn't get it. And the trial was all about my brother. My brother did almost plant a bomb in our high school when we both went there, and I'm pretty sure he does have full-blown AS. He has major problems (porn addiction), and he scares me, and I don't talk to him or hang out with him. But somehow I am being held responsible for what my brother did almost 20 years ago.

My ex and his mom made up these false stories about weird things I did, and the judge believed them. I have NO criminal history. My ex has been verbally abusive to me for years, and I got a harassment restraining order on him, which was overturned due to lack of evidence. And his lawyer portrayed it like I'm just a bitter, jealous woman trying to smear his reputation.

A few weeks ago I had a quick meeting with my kids and their principal because we had a good idea for the school that we wanted to share (recycling). I want to teach my kids to speak up for what they believe in and how to make a proposal. I also want them to be involved in their school/ community. My ex brought it up in court and said pointedly that it was weird. And the judge agreed, that was weird. What??? I've always been involved with my kids' education.

I'm so angry at Adam Lanza! And my brother! These losers created a criminal profile that I've been wrongly put into! The guardian ad litem and judge don't want me to drop off my kids at school, because they think I'm going to cause trouble at the school! So they took my kids overnights just so that I can't drop off my kids at school in the morning! And the school just sent out an email that parents aren't allowed to come into the school at the end of the day to pick up kids. We have to wait in our cars. For the children's safety.

Do you get this? They think my contact with the principal was to try to start a conflict, when I just wanted to share a good idea. My mind is just blown. I'm scared, and embarrassed that they think I would do anything wrong.

I'm sorry you were the victim of ignorance. Asperger's is not Adam Lanza, whatsoever. You know it's a vast spectrum, just like Autism is.

I hope you could get at least partial custody of your kids soon. You should go back to court to try to get at least partial custody.

Has the judge put any conditions whereby you could get partial custody?

Sorry but something is not right here, a court can not just go on hearsay alone during a custody battle and having a ASD does not make you unable to take care of your children. You husband would need evidence of your claims.

I went through a few different custody trials in two different countries mind you and I had to provide the courts with evidence to back my claims because in matters with children involved there needs to be proof. They can't just take a spouses word for it because of the bitterness involved in separations. I won my case with evidence.

From your post it sounds like the decision was made on hearsay alone which is lunacy in my opinion.

Just as you said his restraining order was overturned due to lack of evidence. This ruling should be overturned due to the same principles. I would talk to your lawyer about a re-trial.

I do have partial custody. Every other weekend, and some daytime visits, but they can't sleep over on school nights.

Unfortunately, family court can make decisions because they feel like it. It's different than criminal court.

It is a sad but true fact that in the majority of custody cases s/he with the best lawyer (and the most money) wins.

Different states have different age limits, but at some point your children will be able to express their own preferences in court.

Wow, and its the sane people running things supposedly?

But you said your ex was verbally abusive to you so I imagine he's not much better to the kids. Perhaps looking into getting a lawyer would be a good idea to try and fight it. At least you can still visit them for now, also once they reach a certain age they can have more say who they want to stay with, so continue building a good relationship with them.


Anyways I know the system can be BS, and totally irrational decisions are made.

I understand the unfairness of the situation, and just how crewel it is for a mother to have her children taken away.

I come from a divorced family.

All I can say is:
Cherish the times you are with your children. And don't run down (belittle, accuse) their father in front of them. They love their dad. So don't go confusing them there.

one day in the future, they will understand. They will see the difference between how their dad treated them and how he spoke about you. If you do not emulate their dad, they will come back to you. They may well be in their 20's. But you'll have their love in the long run.