PDD-NOS and commanding you to do things

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Not the best thread title but I couldn't think of anything else.

Hi...

So, I was just wondering if anyone here had experienced this type of "bullying" before, if you can call it that.

In the past, namely when I was younger (but not so much now due to being wiser) I've had some people essentially take advantage of my socially passive way of interacting, namely 'commanding' me to do something (to go walk somewhere, to go do something, to do some physical action etc.) or to "smile", if you can believe that; basically treating me like some sort of dog or something which is absolutely fking awful and ridiculous. Of course not everyone does this. I can even remember some guy in subway saying he wasn't going to serve me unless I smiled, although I'm not certain if this was because he could tell if I was on the spectrum. Honestly it's a pretty disturbing thought if others know you're like this, talk about having a field day with you

For example; someone who is picking on you due to your ASD may say something along the lines of "go sit over there" in a social situation or "can you go walk over there and get this for me" as a way to sort of embarrass you... if you get where I'm coming from? This unfortunately leaves you open to psychological manipulation if you're not wiser about what's going on due to the apparent social nativity.

I read online that certain individuals with an ASD may be quite aloof most of the time but are very passive and prompt-sensitive (?) to what other people say to them or ask them to do, for instance, staying silent for minutes at a time in a situation but then responding to what other people say to them just after they have said it, and it's not due to shyness.

I mean like I said, I try to avoid these people like the plague and I learn to ignore the "commands" of others and just go along doing my own thing like I was before, you know, trying not to be 'easily led ' and all that.

Had anyone experienced this type of thing before? Please share your experiences and let my post and others be a preemptive caution to this type of victimization should it happen in the future. Don't be a sheep, consider what they are saying to you, use more distrust that trust, don't seek social validation and walk away if in doubt. I hate how these people exist.

It is a type of bullying.
They're seeing how far they can get you to go for their own amusement i.e. putting you up for ridicule.
Glad you were able to wise up to it.
I've found "I'll think about it" to those kind of requests can work well.

Go over there
I'll think about it
Well?
Still thinking
Are you stupid or something?
I'll think about it
You're an idiot
Thanks for your input. I disagree

I agree, then they try to say things like "oh, why are you being boring?" to try to take advantage of a sensitivity to disapproval, which once again sets you up for manipulation.

Learning assertiveness and 'street skills' can come in handy here.

Also "nah I'm good thanks" or "maybe you should do it yourself" is a decent response.

Best to know your own weaknesses and vulnerabilities should you encounter one of these people, so you can resist them using them against you, like one or two people have done to me in the past. Always remember that NTs don't really tell other NTs to do stupid, minor stuff (not including certain favors and that sort of thing though), so if they are doing it to someone on the spectrum they are probably trying to get one over on them.

I have had this happen to me a number of times.

I have had this happen. I at first thought this thread was going to be about they tell you to something and then make fun of you about it and go telling others about it or they tell you to do something that is wrong but they egg you and not leave you alone until you do it and then you get into trouble. That also happened to me too.

Hmm, never thought of that as bullying. That's pretty much how my parents did things with us. Except that my brother and I would always argue back and refuse to do the things. I'm the same with my kids, except with pleases and thank yous. I don't know how I'm supposed to teach them skills if I can't ask them to do things around the house.

I think the OP is talking about your peers telling you to do things. For example, I have been asked in high school to run across the field to see how fast I can do it. NTs do these things just to get rid of you in a subtle way. You just have to be too naive to even notice it. Or your peer tells you to go sit in a certain spot even though you can sit anywhere you want and there are no assigned seats and it's not like they had that spot first and were sitting there. Sure if they wanted to sit together and you were there, they can at least ask than demand you to sit somewhere else. But if you have an ASD and you take things literal and your peers have picked that part up n you, then they may be telling you to where to sit because they know asking you if you can move will give them the answer "no" so they need to be more direct with you. Sure of they would have said "Hey, we want you to move please because we all want to sit together and there aren't any other places where we can be together" then maybe that would have been okay?

That happened with me sometimes as a kid & teen.

Oh god, I’ve just remembered a time when I was somewhere out on a school trip years and years ago at this aquarium and two people (who were sort if friends) told me to go and walk somewhere away from them, and they would apparently be waiting for me when I got back. Now, I knew vaguely at the time that this was probably an attempt to get rid of me, but I still wasn’t certain so I went and walked away, came back and they were gone, sure enough.

Sometimes it’s not even a malicious cruel joke, they are just trying to use you for ‘favours’ instead whilst they sit down and do nothing, like turning on the home heating, asking to you make them something for food, go buy me a drink etc. This is just because they know you for being some sort of doormat who just does what anyone tells them to do... Although like I say it’s tricky to know if this is a resasonable request. Honestly they may not even know you’re on the spectrum, they may just think you’re a pushover.

An example of a “stupid, minor thing” would be something that my mam has told me before, she sometimes tells me to sort of lightly prod the cat when it’s asleep I don’t reckon she knows that I have an ASD due to being high functioning, and she wouldn’t ever, ever set me up for some joke like that (what parent would?) but she knows for for being quite passive. It’s probably nothing but last time I checked she, and other NTs I know don’t tell you to do that crap, so why should I do it?

Sounds like an odd thing to ask, but do any of you ever feel your mind/nervous system sort of ‘light up’ when someone asks you to do something? It’s probably why it’s quite hard to not do what they tell you to do, as they’re almost exploiting your passivity. Damn, imagine not knowing you have an ASD, but everyone else around you has an almost professional knowledge on the spectrum and instinctively commands you do to something to embarrass you whilst you’re non the wiser of why you just did what they said, what a cruel joke this disorder is. Mind of a 20 y/o, naivety and passivity of a child...

I mean even NTs can be easily led, like when you start a new job and they ask you to get a long stand and a can of tartan paint lol

Commanding someone to do something can be a form of bullying, (or it might not be)! It depends on the situation.

So in the example that you cited: "two people (who were sort of friends) told me to go and walk somewhere away from them"

It might mean that they were trying and get rid of you or that they wanted to have a private conversation.

As boys become adolescents, they begin to adopt traits that are found in primates. They separate out into a structure of Alphas, Betas and Omegas (and others inbetween). Alphas become dominant. They are in charge. Generally Aspies are the Omegas. That is why they are picked on and bullied. It's in the genes of humans. Fortunately as humans transition into adulthood, these traits become less dominant and somewhat fade away.

In animals:
Omega Males are referred to as the lowest caste of the hierarchical society. Omega animals are subordinate to all others in the community, and are expected by others in the group to remain submissive to everyone. Omega animals may also be used as communal scapegoats or outlets for frustration, or given the lowest priority when food is distributed.