please tell me........

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......I cannot know. To those of you who know me (I know some of you do): "Am I ok?" Please, do not insert meaning where it does not exist or think too much about my question; I mean what I say.

I only ask because last evening I went downtown, by myself, to a nice restaurant, just as a special treat (change of venue). I brought my laboratory journal but mostly I observed others, which I like to do sometimes. I ordered black decaffeinated coffee and there were 23 hanging chandliers w/ 8 lightbulds each, 5 hanging ferns, mostly even #'s of groups of adults, etc. Anyway, I felt fine - quiet, as usual. The waiter, who was very kind, asked: "Are you ok? Are you feeling ok honey, can I help you - anything - are you sure?" I assured him I felt fine and told him thank you. But, still......why?

So, am I ok?

Please do not be harsh with me - I cannot take the stress. I only want your objectivity from what has already been made known to you (use Occam's Razor). Help me........I cannot know. I try hard.

Since you felt okay, then you were. Perhaps when you were observing, the waiter thought you didn't look alright. Same thing happened to me at Rite-Aid. I was looking down the aisles, and an employee asked me if I was alright. It might have been our facial expressions. Or lack of.

"Are you ok?" is another way of saying "Do you need help?". It may be that they were concerned by the prospect of your dining alone, or perhaps they were curious about your observations and thought that there were questions which needed to be answered. Luckily, it sounds as though these assumptions were mistaken.

If you were happy and at ease then, yes, you were ok.

I think it was a combination of your dining alone, (NT's tend to think it strange), your being absorbed in your thoughts, and her just being an attentive waitress. I get asked that a lot, when I am self-absorbed. I think my facial expression may show that there is cause for concern, to others.

I think that being just fine is different for an aspie than for an NT. Of course you were just fine. I have had that experience too. The waitress was just doing her job.

There is harmony in heaven and upon the Earth.

Occam says,

One of those tech people goes into a restaurant sits alone and starts taking notes. From the local world view there is only one answer, Board of Health. Lab people look like lab people, dress like lab people, and the waiter is sent to distract you as carts of violations are rolled into the alley.

Electrical Inspectors count lights, figure circuts, Fire Department counts patrons, looks for marked exits and extingushiers.

I have a friend who has a small shop, he has a toilet in an unmaked closet, someone came in and asked if there was a bathroom he could use, being human my friend pointed to the door, when the man came out he handed him a ticket for $500 for not being fully handicapped equipted.

Next time mention you work in an STD lab, you will be considered socially useful,

Quit scaring people.

Lab_pet, You are OK, but who forgot to lock the lab?

If you look like an undercover Cop and go in a bar, several people will go to the restroom then slip out the back door. It is the way of the world.

Two Italian guys in suits stop for a beer, when they call for the check the bartender brings an envelope with $500. All people are trapped by their perceptions.

Only a True Princess would notice and care.

i get this a lot when i go out to eat alone.

think they're just trying to be considerate or something.

I think this is something that has to do with the way you appear IRL not online. Happens to me a lot too, I may be happy and content inside but outside my face may move and make people think I am upset or whatever.

I could never go out to a 'Restuarant' and eat alone..... if Macca's is considered a restaurant then OK.... but even at Maccas the best time to go alone is in the mornig, when there are others that are alone , and it's accepted....

Your scenario reminds me of a Simpsons scene...

Skinner is known to frequent the italina restaurant by himself,, he even has an aloccated table,,, the night he brings Bart along - that is strange,,,when Bart goes by himself - the italians call him a Kookalabunza (whatever that means - but it seems derogitory) --being in a çlassy restaurant by yourself, however comfortable you may seem, isn't normal --People - as in the plural of the Person - go to restaurants.... a Person, goes to Maccas -> the future of 'Going Out' to eat?

It seems harsh that the conlusion is to get friends .... but what's wrong with that?

Sorry I think you all are all wrong. The waiter was trying to get "friendly" with her. He either found her attractive or because she was dining alone thought she was an easy target. I had a friend in high school who used that "are you okay?" line all the time to get into people's pants. He used to demonstrate the proper usage of the phrase to me. He used to pick out someone he wanted to sleep with or someone he thought he could make friends with easily because they appeared to be loners. It always worked. I was astounded.

So unless you were stimming uncontrollably or had some weird deer in the headlights expression he was probably hitting you up for a date.

I do understand, Thank you. Please see what I just posted on the new thread "Have you ever wondered...."

I can be inside my own mind entirely but still apparently intrusive to a given NT yet invisible at the same time - how ironic.


I think I am grateful for what I have been given. I have no Sylvian Fissure.