Not sure about seeking diagnosis

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Right - disclaimer, I'm not diagnosed, just ADHD and Dyspraxia (though confused by the latter one which I usually ignore).

I have an issue at hand - I am not sure if I have asperger or just live in a society which has lead me to develop "it" or symptoms relating to it. I mean, I fit all the requirements to some extent and I was a very strange child which I hear is usually a thing but have a perfect understanding of humour and actually think I am fairly sociable. I am debating on whether to take up "precious" assessment space from NHS and all doctors have been pretty clear to me that I'm not *ill* enough (their words not mine) to warrant a diagnosis. I feel that I am slightly on the spectrum but I also feel guilty for seeking diagnosis in case I'm not "autistic enough" or at all and am starting to even question whether it is something that can be measured by a therapist. I have a housemate who has a diagnosis and is clearly socially off (like I can't have a conversation with her, she just makes sentences and never elaborates, it's frustrating) and though I relate to her in many ways I also think she's way more classically autistic than me so maybe I am just giving myself labels at random and yeah. The same thought process has been going on and off for years. I am going a bit crazy over this - analysing my behaviour and by doing so noticing i am also affecting my behaviour. maybe I've copied people on the spectrum by reading too much about it? but surely, wouldn't that settle it? I am so lost. any suggestion would be welcome xD

Finally, I wonder, how did getting a diagnosis help you? I struggle a lot with mental health and paranoid thoughts which impinge on my work and social life so I am hoping that I may be able to get extra support for that. Did you find it useful at all or is it just another label for another messy, human mind?

Welcome to WP, Gallia.

The "internal echo chamber" effect is certainly something I'm familiar with from the years prior to my diagnosis (and even to a certain extent after it.) I'm not sure that the "what the hell am I measuring against?" question will ever quite go away completely (a natural consequence of self-awareness in general, no doubt.) At the same time, if analysing your situation is leading to interminable distraction and paranoia, then this would fit what psychologists call "ego-dystonic" thinking (colloquially, "not feeling comfortable in one's own skin"), and this in itself is an issue worth addressing, whatever the cause might be.

This was my own reason for seeking a diagnosis - decades of mental health interventions without anybody ever looking more deeply into why my severe depressive episodes were so recurrent and persistent. Like you, I always had reservations about being a drain on resources needed by people dealing with more difficult circumstances, but eventually, I figured that my endless repeat referrals to mental health prefessionals may being doing just that anyway, and that tackling the root causes might end the cycle of my needing those services.

Now there is a big caveat here, which it is only fair to warn you about. If you do get a diagnosis, the chances are that you won't receive any help which is any more effective that you could have accessed anyway. I was extremely fortunate that I did get to see a counsellor with specific training to deal with autistic patients, and I can attest that this was vastly more effective than any treatment which I had received previously - but I stress, this was sheer luck (the counsellor had worked with autistic people in a different capacity, and it was not part of her remit in her position as a counsellor.)

But being diagnosed has helped me. It has greatly reduced my anxiety over "why the hell am I like this?", and finding other people on forums like this one with whom I can speak honestly about my problems (whether actual or only perceived/exaggerated) has been a huge help. But it is not so for everybody; informal self-confidence that one knows what one is dealing with can be sufficient for many people, and forums like this one don't suit everybody (as I'm sure you've seen already, not all autistic people see eye-to-eye about everything, even the autism related subjects - the dumbest assumption that I made when I first came here!)

Best wishes.

That's great advice, thank you!! I guess there's no harm in settling the mental debate once and for all (or learning strategies to feel more at ease in one's skin as you said)