lack of motivation

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I'm not sure this is even an AS issues, I received my diagnosis very recently and have not been able to attend any groups or therapy. I am waiting for my state health insurance to be approved so that maybe I can, but in the meantime I find myself stuck in this limbo.

Anyway, my whole life I have struggled with a real lack of motivation and find myself really unable to try at just about anything. Most people would probably just attribute this to laziness, but I think there is more to it than that. I can truly and honestly not look back once in my life and think of anything I ever tried really hard at and succeeded. Once I find myself in a situation I just kind of get used to it and live. I guess I just adapt I don't try and make things better. I stick with bad jobs, I used to hang out with people who didn't really like me or care about me and I just kind of accepted it.

Well now I find myself in a pretty bad situation of being unemployed and having difficulty finding anything that won't disqualify me because of my felony convictions. Seriously even jobs I think I am truly overqualified for ask about criminal records. And yes while most of them do say that it is not necessarily a barrier to employment, we all know what people think when they see the box checked yes. I go around every now and again and make some rounds in person and send some resumes off online but I really can't make myself hit it really hard.

I also think that I should write a novel based on my life experiences living with undiagnosed AS and my time in prison, but other than prepare a page of notes I haven't gotten any work done on that either. Realistically that may well never be started, let alone completed.

I guess I also sort of struggle with this idea that all my life I have been unappreciated and not recognized for my talents and abilities. My grades never reflected how well I could remember things and my grasp of the material. Jobs never recognized me for my abilities, and my friendships were all forced and kind of fake. Relationships nonexistent.

Right now I just kind of float through my days doing very little of anything. Sometimes I just get in my car and drive around aimlessly for long periods of time. I know I have things to do and I shouldn't be but I just can't find the drive to do anything about it. Its really mundane and would probably drive most people to their breaking point, and it kind of bothers me that it doesn't bother me if that makes any sense. Really thinking about it, I feel like if I had all the money in the world nothing would change. I would probably drive a nicer car but that's about it.

Really wondering what anyone else thinks about this.

Talking about lack of motivation I totally get what you are saying.

I nearly did not reply because I did not want to put the effort in to a well written reply.

It would be my guess many have read this post but have not replied for the same reason.

This is my first post on Wrong Planet this year so the little bit of effort I did put in was a reply to your well written post.

Motivation is complicated. I don't think a lack of it crops up literally out of nowhere, and I often find that my lack of motivation stems from specific issues like being afraid that failure will become a concrete idea instead of a vague possibility if I move forward. Some people wind up having to confront things they won't want to confront or test abilities they're not sure they have when they start making changes.

Writing is a whole new battle of not talking yourself out of the work before you've even begun.

The motivation to do what? Get out of slavery and join the master class? This society is built around enslaving people for the good of the people. Thus, autistic behaviour does not conform well to the type of slavery society uses, therefore, autistic people seems to have trouble fitting in as society's "awards" for the slavery does not satisfy the needs of an autistic person. In many cases the so called awards makes no sense to the autistic individual as they are socially unaware, thus, society's propaganda does work as well on them.

Before you go we are not enslaved! What is the definition of slavery? Oxford dictionary states that a slave is " a person who is the legal property of another and is forced to obey them." To my mind that sounds like how the government treats humans.

My motivation goes up and down. Some days I'm very effective and efficient. Other days it's like the wheels have fallen off the car and there's zero chance of me getting anywhere. On those days it's just best for me to hoist the white flag and retreat.

@ GeorgeSmiley: Maybe, it's just that you have low self esteem, and you're afraid to try something, because you're afraid of failure. Also, it could be, at-the-same-time, a fear of SUCCESS!! You may be afraid that if you succeed, then WHAT? Will people, then, expect you to continue to do a good job? Just the thought, could be overwhelming, to you, and stifling you.

It takes a lot to get me motivated to do pretty much anything. Part of it may come from the fact that I have chronic insomnia and I'm just too tired. It might be that I just don't see a lot of importance in things people want me to do. Or, it may just be that I am old and don't give a crap and want to save my energy for things that interest me.

I have a lot of difficulties with motivation. I think part of it is definitely low self-esteem and feeling that I shouldn't pursue goals just for my own benefit. Sometimes to get things done I have to trick myself into believing that I'm doing something for someone else's benefit. I don't think that's unique to people with AS. A lot of people want to make their family proud or have other similar motivations for succeeding. However I find I can't maintain these illusions for very long. Sooner or later I realise I don't actually want to do what I expected other people wanted me to do. I want to work and be more independent but I don't know what sort of work I can do competently that won't make me too stressed to function.

This is a huge issue for me as I've said in another thread or two.
I'm motivated to do things like clean the house, try to look good, behave 'normally' etc by shame, guilt, fear of being disliked / misunderstood / abandoned. That's what motivates me.
I try to find motivation to do some writing or music that I'd like to do - none to be found.

I'm really interested to know if this is an autistic thing or not.
Michelle Garnett thought so when i asked her, but her answer was kind of vague.

Zel.