Is depression different in autism?

Post Reply New Topic

My mom asked me why I don't see a therapist since a certain issue pertaining to a special interest it's making me very upset. I don't have physical meltdowns anymore, just mental ones from having you explain myself over and over. Having to explain to a full grown adult why it would be rather pointless, expensive, time consuming and just plain silly to go a particular route towards my special interest. I'm not rich enough to be able to able to get my associate's degree twice.

I told her because the therapists from the only place I can afford them basically seem to have a revolving door policy and never stay for more than a few weeks. I maybe kind of need someone I can trust? I do not trust people very easily regardless of what their job description is. Because I cannot seem to find a therapist that understands Asperger's in adults. She said "a person who is depressed is depressed. What difference does it make if they have Asperger's or not?"

Things that make me depressed probably do not make a regular person depressed. Things that would make a regular person depressed probably wouldn't faze me.

To the outside observer, reasons for me being depressed might seem very silly (my mom sure thinks they are).

Not being able to access your special interest is very frustrating and depressing. Most therapists don't even know what the term special interest even means.

I agree. Normal people don't realize how important special interests are to Aspies.

I think that some depression is caused by the wrong environment. Drugs won't help because there is nothing broken in your body. There is a mismatch between what you can do and what people around you expect.

What you need to do is to find ways of spending more time toward special interests and other activities that reduce your stress level.

Agreed --- for me, most of my lifelong "depression" was frustration gone rogue. I remember asking my then-psych a decade ago: is this chronic or situational depression? and he couldn't answer. He had DX'd me bipolar, to explain the happy-go-lucky person who was near constantly "depressed" (frustrated). Come to think of it I had some things to grieve back then also... which stuck around as "depression". I had things to get through and clear out!

Even so, my non-ASD-educated therapists helped me get through, but it's my ASD coach now that's helping me clear it out.

Coincidence: just picked up a book I am reading (Asperger's on the Inside) and it reads (bold emphasis is mine):

(She is in a workplace, one might presume it's unsupportive, or she doesn't know to ask for accommodations)

'Think positive,' people tell you, 'and you call pull yourself out of it with an upbeat attitude.' I worked so hard to fight it [depression].

[Years later the diagnosing dr for ASD] explained that these …. experiences I describe weren't uncommon for people with Asperger's and that she'd heard stories like mine before. She explained to me that the "sick" feeling I talked of was the result of bottling up frustration and anxiety all day, every day."

The source might be different to other more typical people but the affect is the same I believe.

Visiting an ASD specialist would make life more straightforward, I guess it's about weighing up the options.

Would it do you good to have a space to talk about the special interest and to grieve its loss in a supported way...

I tend to be direct about what I need from a therapist and found that if I took charge of sessions in the past, I was a happier customer, especially with the low cost therapy options.
Most of them seemed content to have a specific direction instigated by the client.

I think depression is different in Autism. For me depression is two things, and isn't another thing:
1. I think depression for many people is a response to mental exhaustion. As an aspie, this happens very easily. My depression is often driven by the exhaustion of constantly bending myself into a shape that regular people can understand and interact with. Without a lot of downtime to recover I become depressed.
2. My obsessions and focused attention can sometimes get stuck on something negative and get depressed
2. Like just about everything for me, my mood is disregulated even under the best of circumstances. My mood goes up and down. But I don't call this depression, I call this emotional "weather". My moods come and go like the weather. I don't call that depression, it is just my natural state.

As for a therapist. Maybe choose someone who is willing to learn about autism.

I agree 100%
My depression also comes from mental exhaustion. It also comes from a feeling of helplessness from being constantly and incessantly socially bullied and neurologically assaulted and never having any chance of recovery at all. My anxiety stems from the same things. That is why my therapists understand why I won't do meds. I was actually given an anti anxiety med the last time I was in the psyche ward and it had the complete opposite effect. I had forced myself into the psyche ward because I needed to recover from surgery and I could not do that at home because I have too many massive meltdowns at home from people's stereos. And since respite services and convalescence services are not available to HFAs where I live, and I don't have the financial means for a vacation or a hotel, my only option for rest and recovery from surgery was a psyche ward. But the psyche ward itself is not designed for HFAs and the therapist and psychiatrist were actually abusive to me as well as two of the staff members even though the other staff was super nice. So after a couple of days I became overwhelmed. They gave me an anti anxiety shot and it completely backfired. The effects were actually horrific and scary. The nurse then told me, "Yeah, it does that to some people."

But I have taught my therapists that I believe that meds do not work for me because the causes of my depressions and anxieties are not because I have those disorders. I am not an anxious or depressed person. I am simply responding to the effects of constant social bullying and neurological and mental fatigue and neurological assault. Depression and anxiety are normal responses to those things. If you didn't respond that way, something would be wrong with you. If someone is being constantly physically beaten and bullied, you don't diagnose them with anxiety disorder and depression and give them pills. You deal with the bullying and figure out a way to make the beatings stop. But no one wants to address the social bullying, they just want to say that we have anxiety disorder and depression.

Now if meds work for you, please take them if you want to and they are helping you. I will not take them but I respect that each person has the right to make that decision.

Instead of anti-depression meds it may be more useful to take anti-anxiety meds. Beta blockers have few side effects and can help with high blood pressure.

But, "help" is often counterproductive if you end up dealing with ignorant and abusive people.

I am lucky enough to live in my own single family house with a large garden.

I had the very same experience. It was literally an "anxiety pill" for me.

The first time I was given valium was on a psych ward after I got really upset and was anxious. The Valium made me even more anxious, it was horrible. I couldn't think straight and my body was raked with tension. I felt like I was going crazy. The psychiatrist later noted a nurse had written in my chart "Diazepam 5mg- paradoxical effect".

I had the same!

After years of working with a therapist who officially specializes in... eating disorders (I never had any, it's funny how I ended up with her) - but she was the one who identified me as AS and HSP - I've learned that my depression is directly linked to mental exhaustion. Now whenever I feel depressed, I minimize my social interactions (main drainage), if possible, I shut myself alone at home and do nothing until I feel better.
My depression episodes used to span months, sometimes years - now I get back to "healthy thinking" in about a week.

I've realized that I am shutting down very regularly and having depression-like feelings due to feeling overwhelmed socially, and maybe sensory-wise as well? I'm still picking it all apart. But this was a really big mental shift for me. Basically every day after work, I start to shut down. Anytime I have a big social event (conventions, family gatherings, going out somewhere busy) I shut down afterwards. I just assumed I would always have to feel totally hollowed out, unable to hardly even say a word to my boyfriend at home and curl into a ball on the couch, after social events and work, and be "depressed." Now I'm learning some new ways to handle it - like being intentional about taking breaks for myself, cutting down the number of events I'm going to, giving myself time to decompress in a quiet place... This is a new revelation for me so I am still figuring it out