Meltdowns

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Quick question: I start crying very, very easily. I'm very sensitive generally and very triggery. Just about never is the crying aimed at getting anything. Usually I just get frustrated or upset over something, try to keep my mouth shut, and everything winds up leaking out through my eyes. I usually hate it when it happens, but I can't really stop it (I've tried). I hear meltdowns described, but I'm not sure what I'm dealing with is actually meltdowns because hardly ever are any of the other symptoms I hear described present. I usually have a bad headache a few hours later, but other than that, all the dissociation and such that I hear connected with meltdowns is never present. The amount of time varies. One crying episode will usually be somewhere from 15 minutes to an hour, but I've had mini crying fits that go on and off over the course of a day or two where I'm kind of barely holding myself together and then something reminds me of what I'm upset about and I'm gone again. Usually, if there is a key problem I'm worried about that is making me triggery, the episodes will keep going on until I've talked with someone about it and they've helped me digest the paths of action I can take that make the problem not the end of the world. The reason I ask about whether or not these are meltdowns is because I'm trying to explain a little to my mom what I'm dealing with, and I think she feels it's all temper tantrums that I need to go to counseling to stop doing. I am doing counseling right now to try to help myself be a little less triggery emotionally, but I don't think her expectation that I can totally stop is realistic. She doesn't really understand what meltdowns are (I've checked), so I was thinking of showing her some stuff on them, but I don't want to be just making excuses, so I thought I would ask here.

Meltdowns aren't the same for everyone. Does your mom want to help? Maybe she would be open to providing more calming or space to be alone if that would help? A lot of people shut down, too. Whatever it is is usually worsened by stress and sensory sensitivities are increased under stress. So it might help you if she is able to understand something to do (or avoid) when you start feeling whatever it is that's bothering you or her.

I think she does. But there's a lot of confusion because I think we're both trying to understand what exactly the situation is, if that makes any sense.

Are you unsure what you want but upset when you're crying?

I used to cry without wanting anything, now I'm able some to cry and identify wanting something. It's frustrating to be upset and not know what you want, frustrating to begin to know and no one understands or responds, and I think understanding what you want and learning to communicate it is probably necessary to not become so overwhelmed.

Sometimes I feel manipulative now, but I try to tell myself the rest of the world learned to manipulate by the time they were 3, I'm still way behind. And that manipulating or trying to get what you want is maybe an important skill.

Do you feel behind others in this regard as well?

I'm not necessarily so sure I don't know what I want. It's more like I'm a master of attaching free-flying stress, anxiety, and other nasty stuff to whatever the most recent annoyance was, and once I've done that, I focus on that annoyance until I'm done freaking out. It's very difficult to get me off of that, even though it's not necessarily the cause. Do you know what I mean?

Yes and no. It might be different for you. Even when I know in my head what bothers me and what I want, it's often hard to communicate.

Other people sometimes think it's too minor to take seriously the thing that's gotten to me, and I think that's similar to what you're describing. You're describing this better than I can, but I suspect that, to other people, it looks the same. Also, I do take the precipitant as really important and back off only because I have to, for other people.

When people don't understand the reason you're upset they call it a meltdown or a tantrum. Are you looking to find a way to resolve things more quickly and easily? That's probably possible regardless of the label or the cause.

I find that for me that when I melt down I shutdown and stop talking. Sometimes it becomes so overwhelming that I actually cry with actually helps to relieve the feelings.

Sometimes, that sort of shutdown happens right before I'm about to start crying, but usually by the time this happens, an episode of crying is guaranteed. And a lot of times the crying happens without the shutdown beforehand.