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OneStepAtATime
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13 Feb 2015, 6:51 pm

I was a Straight-A student in HS, and am told that I look hot, but it’s a waste because I am chronically unemployed and have had no friends for most of my life. I will probably be homeless again. How am I supposed to come to terms with that? What thoughts should I have to feel at peace?

My failures:
Didn’t get into grad school because my poor communication skills were brought to light during the interview.
Didn’t get a specific job even though I was certified and completed trade school, because employers were looking for someone with experience.
Invited people to hang out, only to have them decline or stand me up.
Want to start volunteer organizations, because I feel that my purpose in life is to help people, but I need connections to volunteers and donors.
Submitted inquiries to volunteer at a dog shelter and autism organization, but no response.
Have the looks of a model, but not the body language and gait of a model.
Self-published a book on Asperger’s, but no reviews yet.
Started a blog to help people, but no comments.

My roommates are judgmental of me. One roommate said of me “She doesn’t pay rent. She only does chores.” Another roommate was shocked to learn that I knew how to cook and was practicing driving. Most people my age do cook and drive, so it should be no surprise. People’s reactions to me are either that I should get a job like everybody else or that I can’t do anything.

I want to learn martial arts but like most hobbies, they cost money. I use the computer all day, every day, because it’s what I can afford to do. I waste lots of time everyday.

How am I supposed to feel good about the prospect of becoming homeless, about myself, about life, when almost everything I worked for has ended in disappointment?



Raleigh
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13 Feb 2015, 7:02 pm

I'm most at peace when I don't think.


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kraftiekortie
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13 Feb 2015, 7:03 pm

I wouldn't like the prospect of being homeless, either.

I've come close to being homeless a couple of times--a very daunting prospect, indeed.

Your best solution (and you're not going to like it) would be to continue to try to obtain employment. You have a degree. I don't know you personally--so I can't evaluate your "social skills."

But I would read up about how to present yourself during interviews. I do know that making eye contact, and being interested in the company you're being interviewed for, are very important.

It takes a long time to get disability, should you be eligible for it. There's often a rejection the first time around--then people often get lawyers on contingency--then, sometimes, they are accepted--but that takes at least two years.

You have to find some way to support yourself. Even if it's via one decent job, or two crap ones.



Awilder
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13 Feb 2015, 7:22 pm

I tend to be at peace when I sometimes when I'm listening to some nice Native American music for, it reminds me of much earlier periods of my life which were more navigated in a easier manner. However, being at peace is simply when your able to not feel unhappy or stressed from whatever bothers a person(s).. I wish there was more I could add to this post but, I'm not that great at speeches as such.


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CockneyRebel
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13 Feb 2015, 9:54 pm

Thinking of a large garden with Mick Avory-like people, Peahawks and Om Noms.


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olympiadis
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14 Feb 2015, 12:24 am

I think you should focus on building relationships with more people.
I really mean with the "right" people, but since that is hard to determine, I just say "more" because some of them are bound to be good for you, and hopefully you good for them as well.



SashaHunter
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14 Feb 2015, 12:46 am

When I have stressful bad thoughts, I find some relief in thinking it through "scientifically" (or, well, more accurately, pseudoscientifically, since a lot of the thoughts I use to calm myself down are stuff I picked up and half-remember or are "just so" stories, but the objective language of science provides some emotional distance that can be good when I'm feeling overwhelmed)

Like, I tell myself that everyday I'm alive is a success from an evolutionary standpoint. Just by being alive I am contributing to the success of the human species. I think about Emerson, and how everyone is a genius, and I am a successful species member. I go through in my mind the neurological differences associated with autism, and how that's making me act in ways I find upsetting. Like, for example, if I was crying and hitting myself and I was trying to stop but can't stop I would try to find the brain space to walk through it, like I'd tell myself "My neurons have an abnormal distribution of white matter. This means that the different parts of my brain don't communicate very well. This means I can't regulate my emotions easily, and that my body sometimes acts independently of my consciousness, and that's ok. I am upset for A B and C (like recently, I'm unemployed, I feel lonely, I'm useless) and it's totally understandable to be upset for those reasons, but this isn't helpful and I need to calm down. I need to get back in control. I won't be unemployed forever, and even though its hard now, I am a successful member of the human species, and although I'm lonely, I do have friends, even though they are far away, and I am not useless, I am a successful member of the human species. I need to calm down, but its hard because my neurons have an abnormal distribution of white matter..." and then I repeat it until I manage to calm down or wear myself out enough the consciousness can take back control of the body. That can be hard if I don't have the brain space and the bad thoughts shout louder than my conscious thoughts, but the act of trying to consciously think through it can help take away cognitive space from the bad thoughts and make me calmer, if that makes sense at all.

Also, when I get really worried about stuff, sometimes planning out the worst case scenario helps me to calm down? Both the act of making lists, researching, preparing, etc. all help just as much as actually being prepared for the worst case. Like, when I was in school, I had a couple scares where I was convinced I was going to fail out, so figuring out how I would reapply, filling out job applications, figuring out where I would live, etc. all helped calm me down when I was panicking. So I guess in your case, the worst case scenario is homelessness (which sucks, I'm so sorry!) but since you are on the computer, you can try to plan what you'll do if you do become homeless, what resources are in your area, what you would need to do with your stuff, etc.?

The struggle is real, and I'm sorry you're going through a rough time! I hope things get better, and that this helped you at all?


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ToughDiamond
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14 Feb 2015, 9:09 am

I tend to try and be extremely "practical" when I anticipate bad things happening to me. I look for strategies to avoid the mishap, and I usually feel better once I'm fighting back like that. Solutions that focus on calming me down don't usually work on me, because I just worry more that there's a problem looming and I'm doing nothing directly about it. I don't say that indirect methods shouldn't be tried, just that I've had little success with them personally. If I think I'm in danger, the thought of it doesn't go away until the danger is gone.

I do try to keep my anxiety realistic by considering the worst thing that can happen and noticing that the harm would be finite and usually not as bad as my anxiety levels suggest. And sometimes just putting myself in a quiet, comfortable, familiar environment for a while can reduce my fears. And there's a particular flavour to my anxiety sometimes that seems larger than life, so I try to calm that by telling myself not to brood or by looking at the fear and trying to see that it's overblown.



Zajie
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14 Feb 2015, 9:35 am

This might sound too emo but what really brings me to peace is my memories of my early childhood; old home, neighbourhood, the food, the people, the tv shows I watched as a kid, the games, myself back then. This gives me mixed feelings but its so peaceful and beautiful.



alone
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14 Feb 2015, 2:31 pm

When I looked at your list I didn't see anything on the list that wasn't dependent on some action from a source outside of yourself. Many things are by nature dependent on an outside action but what brings me true peace is learning to get the full experience with no dependence on anyone or anything. Teach yourself to play a musical instrument...walk, run do something and keep the mindset this is for you...you only. No one else is required to be present..no one else has to enjoy it...no one has to notice. Your fun and enjoyment is fully personal....and you will feel peace.



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oncewasahippy
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14 Feb 2015, 4:55 pm

In your situation you need money.

So for you it is how to get money or into preferably further education.

To get a job you need a CV (get this right), and means to access potential jobs (chose all professions pertaining to your qualifications - find all websites).

[b]Speak to a careers advisor


The more areas you cover the more job opportunities - use friends addresses in other cities as well as your own.[/b]

Read up about how to act *normal*. Then practice and practice.

One step in front of the other - spend 3-4 hours a day performing normal practice and CV sending.

Alternatively go to grad school to get a better job - do your normal practice and apply to all grad schools that do what you need and go to the best you got into. Preferably nearest your family. Study there. Come out go back to above get a job section.

Until you have solved this what people think of you is relegated to unimportant.

We are a whisper away from nothing.



downbutnotout
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15 Feb 2015, 7:24 am

For me it's not so much any particular positive thought as it is the act of studying. I have no control over my social life, no matter how many articles I read, meets I attend, or conversations I start, but effort in always equals result out when it comes to computers, mathematics, and other fields. Five plus five is never going to be eggs, there is always an answer, and there is always a way of getting there that you don't have to be born normal, charismatic, or lovable to find.



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15 Feb 2015, 8:18 am

On rolling hills, the grass cut short and green, and the wind coming in waves; shooting white fluffy rabbits on the same hills.