Withdrawing.

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Last time I withdrew into myself and shutdown, I didn't do it to the extent that I was mute.

But I can feel it happening again. More frequent nonverbal episodes. Not wanting to communicate except online, even when I do have the ability speak. Withdrawing from people. I haven't even contacted my dad today (he lives abroad and we normally have an instant messaging exchange once a day to make sure we're ok as I live alone and can't get access to sufficiently frequent support workers atm).

I am aware that I appear superficially communicative on the screen. But in real life I am withdrawing. I think excessivce social pressures (even a "normal" amount of social pressure can overcome me) is causing this. And my disabilities are worsening which is more pressure.

It is hard to explain and I'm trying hard to explain the feeling of an impending shutdown but due to alexithymia or whatever I cannot explain it.

Should I force myself not to shut down or let it run its course? My psychiatrist put me on mirtazapine (on top of my longstanding 20mg olanzapine), but only at 15mg to begin with, last Friday. Obviously it won't kick in straight away.

I think whether or not you should let this run its course should depend on how long these episodes usually last. If you are looking at a relatively short time, then I'd say to let the withdrawal run its course. You don't want to be down too long, though. Other people may think you are passively driving them away.

After a traumatic event I tend to withdraw and shut down for a long time, but I think it's necessary. For example, my partner recently had a stroke and calling the ambulance, navigating the hospital system, doctors, drugs, rehabilitation and taking over roles that weren't familiar to me put so much stress on my system that as soon as the danger period had passed I completely collapsed into a month long shut down.
I could have tried to keep going but I think it would have been worse for my health in the long run.
Only you can know what your body needs. I don't think forcing yourself to stay connected when your mind is telling you to switch off is healthy. Sometimes you just need the 'down time' to recharge.

(Should I force myself not to shut down or let it run its course?)

Sorry, I forgot how to separate out the quote.

I have shutdowns because of trauma if I am triggered by events that remind me of past traumatic events. I can feel shutdown for up to 4 days if it's bad enough, where I start to withdraw and can't speak. Years ago when I saw a psychologist about it she said that you should treat it as though you have the flu. She said even if you have the flu, you get up, you take a shower, you eat and drink. So I try to go with that idea. I stay lying down through most of it but I try to take care of basic bodily needs. In the past I had gone 24 hours without even a drink. I haven't had a shutdown that bad in a long time because I learned to avoid emotional triggers. Avoiding triggers doesn't mean you're better, it just means you are working around the situation.

I can't say anything about medication because I don't have any knowledge, but I agree that an inbetween approach is best, in that, you can't pretend you aren't shut down, but at the same time, if you can, it's good to try to take care of yourself. I wish you the best. It's not fun, I know.

Thanks all. Support worker saw me today. Helped a bit. Brain fried. You helped too.