Is there anyone like me?

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This is my first post on this site. I've been hiding in the shadows reading a lot of posts looking for answers. I hope this is the right place....I guess I'll just get to it.

I'm a 24 year old male with no diagnosis of any kind.
I have to be in charge or in control of situations, I hate not knowing things. I have always felt that I was different than other people and have never been truly understood.

I have, on average, 2 to 4 friends that I actually care for and that seem to understand and appreciate me, they are different as well. I can't make friends with "normal" people. I try to be emotionally supportive but always come off sounding cold, distant, and like I don't care.

I like to understand things and how they work, mainly humans right now. When I want to know something I will search nonstop to get my answers, nothing else matters. I think very logically and usually very calculated and I am rather intelligent.

I don't have a problem with talking to someone new, usually, unless I am in a crowded, new, loud, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable place. I enjoy talking to people but I don't always notice when I should stop or if I have upset anyone. I am somewhere between extroverted and introverted. I speak my mind quite openly, unless I know for a fact that no one will care or understand. I miss a lot of social cues, but notice when other people are failing to properly utilize them. When I take the time to pay attention to everyone I can decipher the facial expressions and tones, I am usually correct.

I tend to learn new personality traits and incorporate them into my self, only ones that fit my ethical code. I have been trying for years to figure out where I belong and to see if there is anyone else like me. I sometimes unconsciously pick up traits of people, characters on T.V. or in books, and on things I read. I have been called a sociopath, a narcissist, a borderline, and autistic many times, mostly autistic and sociopath. I know there is a difference between them all, that is not part of the post.

I thought for a while that I was a sociopath because of the mimicry, empathy problems, need for control, and decent level of charisma, also why I believed it could be borderline or narcissism. I read about each of these conditions, except autism, and I progressively became more like each one I read about, sometimes I would even act a little more than normal just to have some sense of who I am. I could never really do the negative things, hurting people on purpose and things like that. I do lie, I do manipulate situations and people for personal gain, but not in ways that I know will harm them, and sometimes for others benefit and the greater good.

I tried to convince my therapist that I was a sociopath, but she saw through it because of my introspective abilities and strict moral and ethical beliefs, she believes it's autism. I have been seeing an autism specialist and I'm trying so hard to be honest and not fake answers to sound autistic. I truly want to know why I do what I do, I want to know who I am, and I want to be able to just be myself and stop faking it, I'm so tired of being lost and alone in my own head.

I apologize if this post is boring or in the wrong section or whatever. I would greatly appreciate any input you can offer. I will answer questions if you have any. Thank you all so much for reading.

Yes there are more people like you then you realize.
I could give an amateur opinion but since you are seeing an Autism specialist it is best to wait for that persons conclusion. Do ask for an explanation of the result and report to us.

If you have any questions feel free to ask and welcome to Wrong Planet

Thank you for the welcome. You are right, I just hate waiting and not knowing what is happening or what is next. I know that's probably a bit crazy on my part, but that's just how I tick. I will definitely post the results and get as much information as possible.

The answer to your title question is yes and no. There will be people who share your characteristics to a greater or lesser extent, and probably to a greater extent here on WP. But the mix that makes up you, the specifics of genes and their influence, experience and its influence, what you have learned (and not learned), your personality, the influences of epigenetics, and other things makes you unique. PS: You don't sound at all sociopathic to me. Quite possibly on the spectrum!

I know that no one is exactly like me, I just wonder if other people think in a similar fashion. I would be the nicest sociopath ever though! I just want to meet someone that understands my brain and appreciates it and that I can relate to and to understand my self. This place seems like a good starting point, everyone is so nice and accepting....like a different species compared to humans.

initially I quoted your first post, but then I realised the above one is more realisational?

StreetMedic, you like me and everyaspy here is utterly unique and nobody else will ever understand our brains or appreciate or relate to or understand our selfs!

We stand united not understanding, first the human race,
secondly, each other,
and lastly ourselves!

and yes, this is the best starting point ever!

Welcome to Wrong Planet. You've come to a good place. There are plenty of people here who will identify very closely with what you say - some of them have already replied to your post. You're doing the right thing by talking to a therapist, and I suggest you continue with that and see where it goes. You're not alone.

I take if you're an EMT? I admire medical people so much!

I don't find that you're "disordered"--I find that you are human, with some "unusual" features.

I've always wanted to do work similar to yours--but my selfishness and my neurology has prevented this from happening.

Please don't think of yourself as flawed. Think of yourself as a variation on the human theme.

I don't consider myself flawed really, I consider myself different. I have noticed that everyone here is unique and very interesting as well, it's nice to get to be around others with interesting brains. I'm already feeling a reduction in anxiety just from the few responses I've received to this post.

Yes I am an E.M.T. I got in to this line of work to get into the medical field, but mainly to be exposed to a wide variety of people. I have met a wide range of people with even wider ranges of different illnesses, traits, and psychiatric conditions. Like I said, I am interested in understanding people and I enjoy finding and fixing problems, it's like a game to me...a game I take serious though.

Have you thought about going further in the medical field?

You certainly learn lots about people "down in the trenches." You learn about when to be tough and when to openly express compassion. You also have learn to be detached--so you don't get overwhelmed.

But "down in the trenches" is not the totality of the world. There's beauty in the world as well. Being stuck, in mind, within one place provides a limited perspective.

Aside from anything else, though, you're providing a great, tangible service to many. You're providing people with the bottom of the pyramid of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Without the bottom, the attainment of the top is impossible.

I'm looking into neuropsychology right now actually. I enjoy my job but it isn't very intellectually stimulating. I spend my down time at work reading up on neuroscience, psychology, genetics, new medical discoveries, etc. I care about humanity as a whole and I want the world to be better. I want for the human race as a whole to be more intelligent, less malicious and self destructive, more kind; things that will propel us forward and end the petty Issues that we create between ourselves. I know I can't do that, but I fix the things I can and educate myself and share what I can. Saving a life feels great, but it's only one life, I want to be able to do more. It's a start though.

This has stoked my curiosity, in what way have you been prevented from working in the medical field?

It's really very simple: I'm not good at "thinking on my feet," and I'm not physically-coordinated enough to provide ER-type care.

In terms of my therapeutic approach, I would make a good social worker, but a poor psychotherapist. I'm a "results now" kind of guy.

Street-medic:

Do you want to get into research, teaching, or therapy?

You seem to have a good mind. And you've acquired practical experience--which I find to be indispensable.

I would like to research and provide therapy. I also like my answers quickly, but I don't mind the hard work required to get them. I think very quickly on my feet and get bored if I don't feel that the answer can be located, learned, or extracted in a reasonable time frame, which is why I couldn't strictly do therapy.

All of my coworkers pick on me and call me Dr. House because of how I am about solving problems and needing answers...not the worst thing I've been called

I've heard of "Dr House"--but I'll have to Google it to get to "know" it better.

Please forgive me: I'm not sure if you've attained your Bachelor's. If you have, there are cognitive neuroscience programs in colleges. I suppose at least some of them are within a generalized psychology program. Most of these programs are "research track," rather than tracking specifically to obtain high-paid employment. The "high pay and benefits," frequently, come when you become a professor in your field. Frequently, these days, people have to obtain their doctorate, plus publish some articles, in order to gain "tenure" as a professor.

The best path to being a therapist, without a Doctorate, is, ironically, to obtain an MSW, rather than a master's in psychology. If you obtain your LCSW, you're licensed to practice social work--hence, you could be a therapist.