When people say they have it worse than you

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I don't mean like people starving in Africa. I mean when I'm having an anxiety attack about something and someone points out that they "have it worse". For example the other day at work I was stressing about a difficult task I was forced to do, and a co-worker yelled at me "well I had to work all weekend, you got the weekend off!" But that type of thing isn't always helpful. When you got Asperger's and ADHD, things seem more daunting then those without.

Also I hate it when people say "so does everyone'. For example when I say "I'm worried about having a car because of the responsibility of running a car", and people say "well everybody (who drives) has that responsibility".

Do people say these sorts of things to you too? How do you respond to this?

Hi Joe,

I understand the things these people say are not helpful--but these people you work with don't know that you have any sort of disorder, so they treat you like any other person. They feel they have it worse than you, and they say so. These are pretty selfish people. It's not right, and it makes them look bad (and they probably know it).

I wouldn't take what they said seriously, especially since they don't really know what they are talking about.

I just don't complain about my problems. Ironically people with AS have done this to me as if my problems aren't bad enough for them. Do they think I am whining or what? Block away.

If people have it "worse" than you, they should, instead of bellyaching it, try to make it "better" for themselves.

A lot of closer colleagues do know about my ASD and/or ADHD and they know I can't help the way I am. I do often see unfairness in things but people never want to listen.

But this thread isn't just about me, I wanted to know if others get the same thing said to them.

Of course that happens to me. People tell me they have it "so much worse" than me---so why should I complain about my little "first world" problems?

But then I get to thinking: there's always somebody who has it better than me, and there's always somebody who has it worse than me---so I don't get affected if somebody lambastes me for having things "better" for me than that somebody.

Yes I feel like I'm not allowed to talk to one of my friends about how I feel about things because she'll say things like, "you know you're not the only person in this situation right?"

She implies that I'm self centred because I talk about how feel when there's others who feel the same and they just get on with it or rather i think shes saying: "what makes you think you're so special? You're not the only one with problems."

How can they have it worse than you? They're not you.
Different people respond to different stimuli. I am hyposensitive to things which would traumatize someone else, but things that others wouldn't even think to worry about freak me right out.
Saying they have it worse than you is assuming everyone is identical, which is obviously just incorrect.
I haven't had this said to me ... hmm, perhaps there's a reason for that. But honestly some of the things people think are horrible and they couldn't deal with in my life, I actually like.
I suppose the variable degrees of who-has-it-worse can't be quantified.

Yes, basically everyone.
It made me feel quite bad about myself, I mean, am I not good enough to vent? Are they not interested in what I have to say? Am I only good when they need somebody to listen to them?

By now I got rid of everyone who is not supportive but dismissive. And I will walk away from people "who have it worse"
They are selfish people indeed.

I need to pipe in here. I lived with someone who was like that - no matter what was happening to anyone else, they always had something going on that was worse. So, of course, if someone did have something going on, they always started in about something that was happening to them instead and wouldn't even seem to care about anyone else's problems. Why would they since they must always have something that is happening to them that is far worse.

I don't have a problem with someone wanting to discuss a problem they are having, but if they keep talking on and on and on about the same thing and don't want to try to find a solution to the problem OR are not seeming to care about anyone else's problems but their own - then I'm done.

Case in point: My friend Julia always comes to me when she has a problem like her dad needing to have a bypass operation or her mom who was in a car accident. Every time I listen and am there for support and empathy even checking in with her several times to see how she is doing. When my Pa died she gave me no support at all and actually started to talk about herself and a trip she was going on. Then Ma got sick with double pneumonia and could have died since she has MDS. Julia just said that she should take some liquid silver then proceeded to discuss how much weight she lost. Are you kidding me?! I had just had a death, went to the ER myself for a respiratory infection and then Ma got double pneumonia and ended up in the hospital for two weeks.

You know what I did? Even though we had been friends for several years - I cut her off. Just stopped talking to her. She sent me a text the other day that was a picture of her new $40000+ Jeep she got. Again, it's just all about her. I guess she hasn't got the clue yet that I'm not talking to her anymore.

"Worse" or "better" and who has it is very relative in nature. There are times when it would be legitimate to say that one of two people really does "have it worse" than the other -- nurseangela's case listed above sounds like that.

There are other situations where it's more filled with grey areas and more subjective. And the relative nature could actually go to infinity if one were of a philosophical bent.

There could be a person who just got their leg blown to pieces while defusing land mines. That's horrendous and life changing, right? It's serious, it's awful, and their life is going to more difficult in some ways, than when they had two normal legs.

In my view it is NOT going to be helpful if someone comes along who had TWO legs blown off, to tell that person with the one leg that they should shut up complaining "Because I've lost BOTH my legs. I've got it worse than you."

Of course objectively speaking you could say that person IS worse off because without both legs gone his challenges are going to be extra to the guy with one leg.

But still though. . . . something life-changing has happened to BOTH these people. I don't think it helps anything to make it a competition.

As long as someone is experiencing that something in their life is causing them stuff they are having to very nearly fail to meet the challenge of, and they are in distress in trying to cope, pain is pain.

My therapist actually believed that too -- she believed "pain is pain."

And also, not everyone who "bellyaches" is NOT also trying to make things better for themselves.

Sometimes even the fact that they are resorting to "bellyaching" is because they are already trying everything they can to make what's worse for them better and yet it's not happening, sometime due to absolutely legitimate roadblocks, burnout, lack of loving support, a multitude of reasons why one person in their position may be able to overcome, but they will face considerable difficulty or might never.

Well now I'm blushing; I normally don't think anyone wants to remember something I said, at least, not in a good way, lol!