Second opinion?

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I (a 26yo female) am going through the process of getting diagnosed by a neuropsychologist, and had my second meeting with her this week, where the did the ADOS test. She has over 10 years experience working with people with autism, but almost all of her patients have been young boys, and I'm starting to worry about trusting her opinion. I know it's not any sort of accurate diagnostic measure, but I've always scored really highly on online tests for autism/Asperger's, and I relate to much of what I've read from people who are on the spectrum. I've done months' worth of research on autism, and really only pursued a diagnosis to make things “official,” because I am pretty much convinced I am on the spectrum. Before my session this week, I was looking forward to the ADOS test, because everything that I've read and heard from others made it seem like it's a pretty solid indicator of whether or not someone is autistic.

However, the doctor told me that it's not precise at all and shouldn't be trusted (then why use it???) and at the end of the session told me, "If you have autism, you are extremely high functioning; the fact that you can tell me a lot of the symptoms that you experience means you have too much insight for the typical autistic (you should see some of my patients!) and the fact that you can dress yourself is another indicator that you're not on the spectrum (I mean, look at Temple Grandin!)" The way she was so insulting towards both her patients and autistics in general made me extremely uncomfortable, and the way she talked about how flawed the ADOS test is (she also made a huge point to say that all autism testing is really subjective and that it's extremely rare for someone to be diagnosed with autism as an adult, because it would have been caught before then) made me extremely worried that, regardless of how I score on her tests, she has already made up her mind about me and will give me biased results because of it.

Next week she's doing the interview with my mom, who hates labels and refused to let any of her kids be diagnosed with any neuro/psychological things, even though doctors strongly recommend it when we were growing up. I'm worried that, between the doctor's skewed experience with young male autistics and my mom's staunch opinion that there's nothing wrong, this diagnosis that I'm paying hundreds of dollars for may not actually represent me. Do people ever get a second opinion on this sort of thing, and if so, does anyone have recommendations for how to find a good doctor to do it?

Also, I just looked over what the 4th module of ADOS testing consists of, and she didn't do half of the things on the list. The test is supposed to include:
Construction task
Telling a story from a book
Description of a picture
Demonstration task
Cartoons
Creating a story
Conversation
Current work/school
Social difficulties/annoyance
Break
Emotions
Daily living
Friends/marriage
Loneliness
Plans and dreams
And she only asked me about my past schooling and work, my friendships and relationships, lonliness, and some issues with daily living. Is it normal for doctors to skip 2/3 of the test?

I don't know the answers to your questions, but although the ADOS has been allowed to become a gold standard, it is still very subjective. I agree with your worry she may be warning you she's leaning away from a diagnosis.

In answer to your second opinion question, I've seen many threads by people who sought a second opinion. And sometimes were diagnosed the second time. The question is whether it's worth it, whether you will gain enough from doing that.

I'm weird (obviously) and for me, might even call and ask whether it's worth continuing or whether she has made up her mind. Most of these people aren't out to take advantage, if you don't want to complete the process if her mind is made up, you could ask.

Many adults who are diagnosed now it is with the ADOS, but you can be diagnosed without it.

Based on her statements I would be making plans for a second opinion.

Thank you both for your insight! I've decided to go ahead and look for a different doctor. Are there any good resources that anyone knows of for finding a doctor who actually respects people with autism in the US? I really, really don't want to repeat this experience.

There may be resources, but I'm not sure what they are.

Have you decided whether you respect this person enough to finish?

I'm still not sure about that. She's out of my insurance network, but they may still cover some of the testing (although they couldn't tell me how much when I called them to ask.) However, although I have been paying her at the end of each session, she told me that she doesn't give out receipts to turn into insurance companies until after the diagnosis has been given, so it's sort of a financial gamble of whether I think I would get enough back from my insurance company to make finishing the testing more economical, in addition to the gamble of whether or not she will diagnose me accurately.

How we found the person who diagnosed me was to go to the local autism resource center and ask them who they recommended for diagnoses for adults. The fact that they primarily did things for children didn't changes that they had recommendations like that.

Her name was actually on a list of neuropsychologists who preform diagnoses that was given to me by an autism clinic in my area, which makes me worry about the validity of the other doctors on the list. I've been going through it, trying to find reviews the other doctors, but I can't find a single one for any of them. The only other option on the list is a clinic where the testing is done by doctorinal students, but a certified doctor reviews everything (the tests are recorded) and helps with the diagnosis. Insurance companies won't cover any part of their testing, because students are involved, but I'm wondering if that may be a better route, since students who know someone is looking over their shoulder should be inclined to at least do every part of each test (and, hopefully, not badmouth their other patients/autistics in general.)