Life with Asperger's both at school and afterward

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This article was written for my high school newspaper earlier this year. I wanted to share it on this forum to see if some have had similar experiences.

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This May be Hard for Some to Read but please do….

To The Class of 1977

I know it's been a long time, but one question I want to ask my old high school class: Have you learned compassion?

That's right. I was the one who was different, odd, and the one you loved to pick on--stealing my books, shooting gum in my hair, being excluded from the group, not invited to social events. I was the one who sat alone at lunch and at break. I was the one with the bouncy walk, stringy hair, crooked teeth, and crooked fingers.

I knew I was different, too, but didn't know why. Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a high functioning form of autism characterized by poor social skills.

I am 56 years old now. Let me tell you what has happened all these years. Sure, I went to college and got an education. But I never enjoyed a career because I can't hold a job. I have had two psychiatric hospitalizations for depression. I have been under psychiatric care for the past ten years--whether or not I am any better is a good question. My parents are dead now and I have no friends. No one ever calls me or comes to see me. I did not get a single Christmas card this year. Sure, I have all the academic accolades, but they are cold comfort.

Did you all hate me so bad that you wanted me to fail in life? If that is the case, you got your wish. Did you not think that I had feelings?

It's OK. I forgive you. If any of you would like to contact me, my email is [email protected].

Any thoughts from anyone?

Awhile ago on my Facebook page my 1969 6th grade graduation photo appeared bullies included. First time I had seen that photo since then, as I hated school so much I never went to prom or bought yearbooks. As with many here 6th to 9th grades was one of the worst times for me. Most people were trying to remember names. I did not directly confront them about the tough times. I did write one one line in a "joking" manor that a certain expression that always got to me does not bother me anymore. I have no idea if any of them got the ancient reference. Nothing untoward happened. A few "friended " me, I accepted. No other conversations happened in the months since as I have no interest in what they are posting. If some were glad to see me great, otherwise I don't care because I was doing this for me, not them. But I am glad this picture appeared after I found out I was autistic and that I did not run away from this situation.