How to live as an asperger and have a happy life ?

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Rito
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19 May 2013, 5:25 am

Before you read the rest i just want to tell you that i only want advices on how to be a happy asperger so if u want to troll or tying to be an as*hole please go somewhere else because i really don't have the mood for that.

I thought of suicide before but then i realize that it's lame and i can't do it. I know that there so many wonderful things that i can do or achieve in my life but how ?

I am always anxious with strangers or crowded place. I am pretty much dead in social life so i don't have friends in real life even if i met a friend that i knew in school they will just pretend they didn't know me and walk away ( It really happened to me quite a few times ), although it's painful but that is not the thing that i am concerned about.

I am lucky to have parents that still alive and support my life but they are old and will gone somewhere in the future. I help in my father shop and i never work at other place before. I don't know how to work at other place. I am afraid if i explain to them i have asperger they will not hire me and if i didn't tell them i have asperger they will think i am weird or rude.

Please tell me how to live as an asperger and be happy ?

Sorry for bad grammar for i am not a native English speaker



CockneyRebel
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19 May 2013, 7:59 am

The things that I do to make myself happy are listening to music that I enjoy, exercising at least five days a week, doing things that I enjoy and living life for myself and not for other people.


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omegatyrant
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19 May 2013, 8:22 am

The keys to Aspie happiness are these (IMHO):

1) ALWAYS make time for yourself, no matter how much work you have to do.

2) Meditation, meditation, meditation. Coupled with some relaxing music, and.or nature sounds, this works wonders on taking the stress away.

3) Just don't give a you-know-what. Stop worrying about what other people think, stop worrying about competing with them. Focus on you, and compete only with yourself.



jk1
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19 May 2013, 10:16 am

Hi, Rito! I think I understand exactly what you mean. My life has been like that. Although I am employed, there has never been a time when I was happy at work because I'm always disliked by the majority of my colleagues. By now I know I will always have to deal with it wherever I go.

I think it is important not to blame yourself for not being liked by people. You know the reason why people don't like you - it's because they misunderstand you. So it's not that you are bad, but it's just that your AS behavior is causing misunderstanding. Truly good people would not judge you based on your odd behavior. That's my experience. There are a few people at my work who probably do think I'm weird but still try to see my good intentions inside me. So, don't blame yourself!

I don't know which country you live in, but is there a disability employment agency or something, which helps people with different kinds of disabilities to gain employment? If you get a job through such an agency, then the employer is willing to be understanding of your difficulties. You should try to find a job that requires more focus, attention to detail etc (depending on your traits), which requires less interaction with people. Once you make a small achievement, you will feel more confident, which will lead you to achieve more.

And of course you should have some time for your hobbies that you enjoy. I think that's the time when you feel real happiness. Having a hobby that you truly enjoy makes life so much happier. And post here on WP and interact with us - like-minded people.

By the way, I did find a few minor grammatical errors in your post, but your post is very well organized and very easy to follow and understand.



Twolf
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19 May 2013, 12:49 pm

omegatyrant wrote:
The keys to Aspie happiness are these (IMHO):

1) ALWAYS make time for yourself, no matter how much work you have to do.

2) Meditation, meditation, meditation. Coupled with some relaxing music, and.or nature sounds, this works wonders on taking the stress away.

3) Just don't give a you-know-what. Stop worrying about what other people think, stop worrying about competing with them. Focus on you, and compete only with yourself.


+1

I too find that meditation works. Without it, my anxiety takes over. Lots of walking in nature helps (if that is your thing. Really, any exercise will help to produce those "feel good" chemicals).

I can also vouch for number three.


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Caz72
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19 May 2013, 1:09 pm

i used to be unhappy as a teenager but now i am settled down and married to a man that adores me and love having an autistic wife, i am a lot happier. he doesnt even get embarassed if i get angry in public, he in fact likes it. you dont get many people like that so i cant complain about him at all really, even though he have adhd and can drive me mad sometimes.

i am being bullied at work by men that cant be bothered to even try to understand about autism, instead they just think i am being a trouble-maker, because of my frequent moods and temper i have with people. i have had a lot of problems in the past with jobs though, ive been turned down loads of times and made redundant because of my lack of ability to cooperate and get along with others in the workplace in appropiate ways. i am finaly working for someone who actualy understand me, in fact some others get angry because the boss is usualy on my side.

i dont have a mum or a dad, my dad died years ago from an illness and my mum died last year because of too much smoking and drink. i only have 1 sister and shes just moved away. she wanted me to go with her so she could look out for me but i wanted to stay where i am because i love my job (despite the bullying) and my husband didnt want to leave and i didnt want to leave him.

but if i didnt have my husband or a sister i would be lonely, in fact i dont think i will know what to do. i will probably join a social group for adults with disability or something. but that might not be for you. sorry i dont have any advice to offer but i still know how you feel.



SG78
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19 May 2013, 1:24 pm

omegatyrant wrote:
The keys to Aspie happiness are these (IMHO):

1) ALWAYS make time for yourself, no matter how much work you have to do.

2) Meditation, meditation, meditation. Coupled with some relaxing music, and.or nature sounds, this works wonders on taking the stress away.

3) Just don't give a you-know-what. Stop worrying about what other people think, stop worrying about competing with them. Focus on you, and compete only with yourself.


I like your advice. I have a question, though. How do you get out of the mindframe of competing with others? It's a serious question, and would like to know if anyone has any insight.

I am a naturally competitive person and hate to come in second place, whether it's on my bike, whether it's an acquaintance having nicer things than I do, etc. I know it's not a good trait and I'm trying to stifle it, to where I can at least be at peace with myself and accept myself for who I am and take time to count the thing I DO have.



anti_gone
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08 Aug 2017, 3:52 pm

Since everyone here seems to have at least some form of GAD and OCD, how can aspies be happy? I cannot be happy when I have to ruminate constantly.

The high comorbidity ASD has with GAD and OCD, doesn't this mean aspies cannot be happy? By mere logic?

Edit: Yes, I am really obsessed about that question. In a negative way. That's how I found this message board in the first place.



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08 Aug 2017, 3:58 pm

anti_gone wrote:
Since everyone here seems to have at least some form of GAD and OCD, how can aspies be happy? I cannot be happy when I have to ruminate constantly.

The high comorbidity ASD has with GAD and OCD, doesn't this mean aspies cannot be happy? By mere logic?


I also ruminate constantly, but I can be happy- especially when it stops. Sure, I get depressed from my OCD, but I try not to let that stop me. No matter how anxious I am, I still push myself to do things I really don't want to. In general, I'm pretty happy, and when I'm suffering, I'm "happy" because I can look towards the future, even if I'll never stop obsessing about something. I treasure the moments when I am not anxious or stressed (which are so rare). I can choose to suffer, or I can choose to go through pain and not let it take me down. That's my experience anyway :D .


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anti_gone
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08 Aug 2017, 5:24 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
anti_gone wrote:
Since everyone here seems to have at least some form of GAD and OCD, how can aspies be happy? I cannot be happy when I have to ruminate constantly.

The high comorbidity ASD has with GAD and OCD, doesn't this mean aspies cannot be happy? By mere logic?


I also ruminate constantly, but I can be happy- especially when it stops. Sure, I get depressed from my OCD, but I try not to let that stop me. No matter how anxious I am, I still push myself to do things I really don't want to. In general, I'm pretty happy, and when I'm suffering, I'm "happy" because I can look towards the future, even if I'll never stop obsessing about something. I treasure the moments when I am not anxious or stressed (which are so rare). I can choose to suffer, or I can choose to go through pain and not let it take me down. That's my experience anyway :D .


At least you have positive obsessions. I have negative obsession and "normal" NT things I enjoy (like going swimming, socializing, watching tv shows), but I don't have a lot of positive obsessions nowadays. I only feel good when I'm distracted by other people or by sports.

Ok, I should stop whining :oops:

But the question itself really bothers me. Would be interested in other answers. Even if it's just feeding my OCD :oops: 8O



StampySquiddyFan
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08 Aug 2017, 5:36 pm

anti_gone wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
anti_gone wrote:
Since everyone here seems to have at least some form of GAD and OCD, how can aspies be happy? I cannot be happy when I have to ruminate constantly.

The high comorbidity ASD has with GAD and OCD, doesn't this mean aspies cannot be happy? By mere logic?


I also ruminate constantly, but I can be happy- especially when it stops. Sure, I get depressed from my OCD, but I try not to let that stop me. No matter how anxious I am, I still push myself to do things I really don't want to. In general, I'm pretty happy, and when I'm suffering, I'm "happy" because I can look towards the future, even if I'll never stop obsessing about something. I treasure the moments when I am not anxious or stressed (which are so rare). I can choose to suffer, or I can choose to go through pain and not let it take me down. That's my experience anyway :D .


At least you have positive obsessions. I have negative obsession and "normal" NT things I enjoy (like going swimming, socializing, watching tv shows), but I don't have a lot of positive obsessions nowadays. I only feel good when I'm distracted by other people or by sports.

Ok, I should stop whining :oops:

But the question itself really bothers me. Would be interested in other answers. Even if it's just feeding my OCD :oops: 8O


Lol most of my "positive obsessions" become negative because I obsess over whether they are obsessions or not. Seriously :D . I can't remember the last day where I didn't have at least 10 obsessions. Even my good days are spiked with fear and negative thoughts.


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09 Aug 2017, 8:59 am

1. Never stop learning
2. Try to do as much as possible for yourself
3. Have pets-they are a lifeline in hard times and a life enhancer in good times.
4. Have a balance between study/work and physical activity. You don't have to play a specific sport. Just going out for a walk helps a lot.



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09 Aug 2017, 9:15 am

My secret to happiness? As an aspie? :lol:

Self acceptance, self discovery in perceptuo-cognitive and spiritual sense, take the learner's path, able figure how to handle and take 'chaos', overcoming psychiatric issues that are not supposedly permanent, figuring adaptation over coping, and the power of love and hate. :twisted:

Be less of a sufferer won't just cut it.


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CockneyRebel
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09 Aug 2017, 11:26 am

I make the choice to be happy each day.


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StampySquiddyFan
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09 Aug 2017, 11:30 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I make the choice to be happy each day.


This! :D


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Hi! I'm Stampy (not the actual YouTuber, just a fan!) and I have been diagnosed professionally with ASD and OCD and likely have TS. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to PM me!

Current Interests: Stampy Cat, AGT, and Medicine