I am sick of myself!

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I am 19 yrs old and I am getting dumber and dumber everyday. I think in a few weeks I wont even be able to write meaningful sentences. I have achieved nothing in life... mostly because I am dumb.. my body is not good either.

http://imgur.com/5eBIK4X

Yeah I know the pic isnt good quality but aint my fault my laptop webcam sucks. I am ugly, short, really tanned(almost brown), super hairy and got the worst genetic material because I am bangladeshi, I am fing ugly and I look like a freaking 10 yrs old... I have nothing... no friends, no money, no job, no intelligence, no gf, and I havent even got the the chance to talk to a girl, let alone get kissed or laid, and as you people know it is the 21st century and anyone who is 19 and hasnt got laid is considered a fing loser... nothing will ever change for me.. my life has no worth no one gives a s**t about me.. If I wasnt dumb then I am pretty sure I could improve my situation.... I am pretty sure I am autistic but I couldn't be dignosed because I live in a third world country named bangladesh and I am too poor to afford treatment..

I am severely jealous of successful people and I absolutely hate it when I see white, rich people looking happy and smiling.. I really hate myself for having this kind of mentality but years of poverty, malnutrition has turned me into the s**t I am... I know there are plenty of people who are worse off than me.. I really feel sorry for them... But I dont have the money to help them... I think the only reason poor people can keep living their sh***y lives because they are too dumb to understand that the only point in living is in having fun.. and if you cant cough up enough cash to afford having fun then life is meaningless and it is better for you to die. Either that or they believe in some kind of god or heaven and believe that they will get something in afterlife because of the struggle in this world. Poor souls! only if they realized that God doesnt exist! I am smart enough to realize these things but still too dumb to be successful in life and rise above the s**t life has thrown at me.

I am pretty sure I will get almost no reply or even if I do then people are gonna spew hate at me and most likely my post will be reported and deleted. Sigh it has been like this for years. I just have nothing better to do with my life but posting s**t like this on random sites and everyone hates me for some reason, even strangers on the internet who dont know me..

Dumb? Your English grammar and spelling is quite good for a Bangladeshi. So I doubt you are dumb. Looking at your pic, you may look a bit messy but you are not ugly. If you know two languages, you are more likely to find work in your country than in mine. I have been to Bangladesh though and know that it doesn't have the best situation. Maybe someday, one of us can come by and help you get back on your feet, help you get vocational education or if you fulfill the qualifications: Support you with studies at uni. Don't give up hope. Loathing yourself will not serve you much good. Maybe with some luck, we can find people to help Aspies in third world countries and maybe even find volunteers.

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This

You're handsome. You're not getting dumber and dumber. I don't know, maybe find something that interests you and practice it? It takes a lot of force and willpower for me at first, but after I while I look forward to practicing that skill.

Your self perception is negative because you're depressed. If you thought differently, you'd feel differently - but your thinking is stuck in a dark, negative, place right now. I can relate, as I used to think that way.

I used to be jealous of others who were more successful than me. Envy is a pretty normal feeling. There's no particular good reason to hate white people with money, though. Not in general, anyways. I'm sure there are plenty of wealthy white a**holes on this Earth that deserve to be despised for their actions as individuals. Anyways, you need to learn that your own happiness has n o t h i n g to do with the happiness of others. It has to do with you & your thoughts. Thoughts dictate emotions (and emotions dictate actions). What you think, and in turn how you feel, have nothing to do with some smiling rich white guy. He's not thinking your thoughts. You are. It might be what you think of him that upsets you, but it's still you thinking it - not him. Learn to improve & control your own thoughts and you'll have better control over your emotions. Diet, exercise, meditation, reading books on the subject etc all help.

I believe you're more right about this than you realize. Malnutrition, IMO, can cause ASD symptoms to be amplified significantly. It's been my experience that I've been able to treat my symptoms very successfully largely via a very healthy diet. (and intestinal cleanses & probiotics.) When I first began, it cost me almost ALL of the money I earned at the time. But then as I improved, my earnings capacity increased, I made more money.. and then while it's still costly to eat very healthily, it's a lower % of my income than it once was. If you're interested in talking about the diet I've followed, feel free to message me.

OK, so having fun might be an acceptable "point of living" sort of belief. What's wrong with your thinking here is thinking that having fun must cost money. Sure, there are fun things that cost money and you've got to pay to play.. but there's plenty of fun to be had for zero dollars. Kids have fun all the time running around playing and being imaginative w/o spending a penny. Adults, too. Depends on what you find fun, but there are plenty of fun things to do that cost nothing and plenty more that cost very little. I have plenty of fun going for runs or hikes, or a swim at the beach, or even just reading a book. Yes, I live in a very different world from you & am likely relatively wealthy in comparison.. however, compared to the wealthy people here (where the average house in the city now costs more than $1Million) I am barely middle class (if that) and thus have gotten creative in order to have the most fun I can while spending as close to zero dollars as possible.. and I've done a pretty good job of it. I'm not even jealous of the wealthy folks with their supercars and all that. I truly do enjoy what I have & regardless of my bank account balance I still get to enjoy this city, the beaches, the ocean, the mountains etc all just the same as those with bigger bank rolls. It's all a matter of perspective. Change your perspective & it changes everything.