Hello everyone, I'll try to make this as concise as possible. Ever since I was a kid I noticed I had a lot of ticks and other odd behaviors, some more apparent than others. Not much was known about Autism as a spectrum when I was younger and my mother brought me to several therapists who diagnosed me with everything from tourettes to having a strong connection with a 'spirit animal.' I wanted to list the things I experience, if for anything to just be comforted knowing I'm not alone.
- I can't write. I've never had any type of handwriting to speak of, it looks like a chicken with graphite feet danced the conga across my paper. For years teachers yelled at me about it, made me practice more, write page after page of words, nothing helped. Eventually they threw their hands up and told me to type everything.
- I obsessively collected eggs as a child because I was immensely pleased by their shape (still am, I just hide it better.) I would hoard them under my bed until my mom made me toss them out. Eventually I began hollowing them out so I could keep them longer. Even today I maintain a love of egg shaped or perfectly round/smooth items BUT they have to be heavy. (I collect solid crystal eggs and spheres, as well as raw gemstones.)
-I also obsessively collected these silicone rubber bracelets that were really popular in school because I loved their velvety-rubber feel. I collected bouncy balls and other items for the same reason and had a strong urge to chew on them or put them in my mouth. At the peak I had over 100 bouncy balls and bracelets. (I now collect other silicone 'toys' for the same reason.)
-With the various items I collected, I used to enjoy lining them up on the floor either by size or color.
-I had a strong aversion to loud or sudden sounds and would get very upset by fireworks, gunshots, and anything sudden or unexpected.
-I never talked or interacted with any other children. Throughout school I never once invited a friend over simply because I didn't want them around me.
-I acted like a cat in public. This is probably the most embarrassing thing, it pains me to type it. I would smell and or lick or meow at strangers and cousins. I also had a tendency to put my tee-ball glove on my head and howl at the moon at tee-ball games.
-I have no filter from mind to mouth. I'll talk about anything with no regard to how others may perceive it or feel about it. It's hard for me to grasp the fact that other people may feel negatively about a subject I might bring up. (For example, I went on about how abusive my grandfather was towards my dog in front of my girlfriend's family and it really upset them. She berated me in the car about it.)
-I have dermatillomania and am constantly picking at my fingers, toes, scalp, and other bumps or imperfections on my skin. I also will have sessions of pulling my hair because I enjoy the feeling.
-I have very high cognition and reading abilities. In middleschool I was tested by our AR program and it was discovered I was already reading at a 'post college' level. I also never got anything less than a 100% on all of my AR tests which ask you a series of questions about what happens in the book.
-I have always had terrible health related anxiety. As a kid I assumed the dry skin on my legs was cancer and lived in a constant state of imminent demise. I would have days were I never left the couch. At one point when I was about 14 I had a breakdown on the floor of a Bass Pro Shop because I thought the bumping ground was a side effect of a neurological cancer and I was expiring right then and there. (It was the NASCAR simulation ride bumping the floor.)
-Certain textures such as painted walls or pile carpet make me want to vomit if I touch them.
-I walk on my toes and always have.
-Brushing, petting, light touch, whispers, music, running water, electric heaters, floor vents, and fans are very soothing both sensation and sound wise. As a kid I would seek out floor vents and sit on them and watch TV.
-When I sleep I like having pressure on my chest area and also cover my face with a blanket.
-I can't handle being reprimanded, even when it's over something as simple as breaking a plate or putting a dish away in the wrong spot. It literally takes all of my strength to not cry or become resentful.
-High pain tolerance.
-I can't math. I can words, but I cannot numbers.
-Constantly bumping into things/my girlfriend when trying to maneuver around the house.
-I don't socialize. When I was a kid I always talked to adults rather than my peers.
-I have no sense of passing time.
-I have no 'inside voice' and my girlfriend is always getting onto me for 'yelling' or being 'loud.'
I'm sure there's more, I just don't want to make this post too long. (Too late.) I'm also weirdly detached from but obsessed with sex? I always want to be touching my girlfriend and never really observe that it's inappropriate. It's hard to explain, don't know if it's related but figured I would mention it. I never noticed a lot of these things until I became an adult and had to actually do things and interact (ie get a job/girlfriend.) My coworker would point out things I did that never struck me as odd and I started wondering about myself. Am I on the spectrum or am I just really.. weird?
Advice/insight appreciated!
22 May 2015, 2:16 pm
