My shrink quit me!

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So I went to the head dr today. I told him I think I am an Aspie. All my symptoms, family history, etc. He just types & quit scheduling me. He referred me to another dr. Every single doc I have ever been to sends me to another doctor or quits scheduling me. This is a waste of my time, money, and energy. I have decided to stop going to doctors. What is the point? I double majored in psychology. My IQ is 140. I can Pavlov myself. They just want to give you a pill to cover it up. I am manic, but i am not depressive. I don't need an antidepressant. I am hyper & I can't focus with my eyes, but I do not have ADHD. Aderall just makes me loose stuff faster. I do not have a personality disorder, I just have a personality. No one can give me a diagnosis. I have been in finishing school my entire life & have learned to fall under the radar by massive effort. I think it is easier for women, honestly. I was a cheerleader, but only because I am loud & like to jump. I hung out with the nerds. I can mimic body language. This is the only thing that has allowed me to exist. I have no idea what other people are feeling, nor do I honestly give a s**t. I can tell what they are thinking before they think it though, & it is always so mundane & shallow, it makes me want to vomit. Handbags & shoes! Barf. Like this is what matters in life! I go to the country club, but I find the facade of the entire experience exhausting & I want to tell everyone to go f**k themselves. I just want to sit alone in my room and read about mollusks, is all I can think as I eat escargot. I wish I could hide in a shell. When I was a kid, I played with turtles instead of other children. Now I have 3 children. Children love me. They think I am old mother hubbard. They are loud & want to touch me all the time & I want to go into the fetal position. I am getting my third divorce because I can't reciprocate emotions. Ok. Just had to vent to anyone who understands. My house looks like a tornado came through it & I am sick of being talked down to about it like I am stupid. Why do people think they are better than everyone else just because they can match socks? Socks make my teeth itch. I wore flip flops all Winter & my toes froze, not theirs. Why do they care? Then I start talking about Eastern Philosophy & they stare at me with blank faces (they all look blank) & I want to take my flip flop off and throw it at their head. Am I the only one who feels this way? The End.

Part of why I don't go to therapy is I'm totally aware of how complicated I am. I imagine the head doctors would misunderstand me several times over. They'd probably put me into the simplest box they could find and it'd never be right. The pain of being misunderstood can be as bad or worse than the pain of being ignored. That's a big reason why friendships are hard for me. I can't tell if the other person really sees me for who I am or if they really like that person.

I'm not well versed in Eastern philosophy but I do find philosophy and religion inherently intriguing. If I was around you talking about that I'd enjoy listening but I wouldn't say much. Because I stutter so I don't like talking in real life. The people around you might find it interesting but not know what to say.

Ya, I feel you! I am self-diagnosed. Had it not been for my son & his cousins, I don't think I ever would have looked at myself in this light. I tell the psychiatrist all my symptoms. I can trace this down my family line for literally hundreds of years. We even found a chromosomal abnormality in our DNA structure. Men & women, at least in my family, manifest the symptoms differently. For women, I think, it is easier. Women, in general, are more verbose. I feel like men Aspies have better concrete thought like math, & women have more abstract thought like language. In general. Not to say that, for example, my son does not have a tremendous amount of abstract thought. He will take off his glasses & say, I am pretending now. & he will go entirely into character (mostly Batman). Has anyone seen when Sheldon will become Flash? That cracks me up so hard! It hits close to home. All the men in my family are EXTREMELY Sheldonesque!! We all look like apples on toothpicks. Haha. Chicken legs & Egyptian skulls. And covered in fur, like down feathers. Enormous ears. I think aliens are involved. Hahahahaha. But for real. But maybe I watch too much Ancient Aliens, which I do. I may or may not be watching it now. LOL. The episode about patterns. For like the 40th time. It never gets old.

My grandma is the one that dropped the bomb on me. Saying she thought I had Asperger's. Then I came here, read and made some posts, people responded, and I finally got what it was.

I think my grandma has it too. But she's the total opposite of me. With her it's like she has to keep talking or have other people talk to feel good. Talking for me is very hard. I have a severe stutter. So I just try and relax and say a little bit and let her carry the conversation. My grandma has a sister though that is a lot like me. She never talks unless spoken too. Then she says very few words. It seems like a lot in my family has Asperger's on my mother's side. Both men and women... only I don't know the men as well. One of my male cousins will fill his fridge with nothing but spinach and tuna. Many of us are currently single and don't seem to do well in relationships.

Getting in character is hard for me around other people but I did some writing recently. When I write or imagine in my head I can get so invested. It's almost hard to come back to reality. Sounds like your son has a lot of fun being Batman. I do love the Batman movies. I'm so excited for Batman V. Superman. I wish it was out sooner. =[

I've seen some of Ancient Aliens! Very addictive and it fires up the imagination. A couple days ago I spent hours reading about the Anunnaki which are a major part of Ancient Alien theory. It's kind of like reading fiction except that their could possibly be some truth in it... hard to know. Part of me wishes there was aliens because maybe I'd get along with them.

When I say Annu, you say Naki! Hahaha. You can't take the cheer out of the leader. Yes, I talk over people constantly. My field is actually language. I tutor Latin & taught myself Ancient Greek & Egyptian hieroglyphics. I am learning Sanskrit & I quasi-stalk the one Indian restaurant in my town so that the owner will help me pronounce my Hindi without a horrific West Texas drawl. In my line, it goes mother to son, son to daughter. My father kept his Lotto tickets in his freezer in case the house burned down & he won the lottery simultaneously. He had a freezer full of the exact same Banquet frozen dinner. He bought tic tacs by the slats, thousands at a time. One time he found a deal on tin foil. He bought aaaaaaaaaaall the foil & gave it to people as Christmas gifts for 3 years. Also, his IQ was 190. He was so funny! His name was Sylvester & he had red curly hair & big Buddy Holly glasses. Then, my sisters & I bred a new generation of him. All the boys are like each other, but have never met. Thus, proving that nature can dominate nurture. Ya, today when I told the doctor that I see music waves in color because there are exactly 7 notes in between an octave & they directly parallel the color spectrum in frequency & the way they move..... that is about the moment when he gave me the boot, I think. Hahahaha. It's called synesthesia. Aspies just see patterns diff than other people.

I'll raise your 140 and ...

I identify with much that you have said here.
I'm attempting to learn Chinese at the present moment,
each character mostly only has one pronunciation and 1 meaning.
I'm ahead of the curve because I learned Japanese when I was 13.
however it's way more difficult than Chinese, because each character can have up to 5 different pronunciations and several different meanings. and if you don't have Japanese people to practice with all the time you lose it.

I recently went to a doctor, not a head shrink, a neurologist.
and the guy knew next to nothing about autism, though he pretended to know everything about it, I guess perhaps because he read some textbook about it when he was an undergrad. then he proceeded to summarily dismiss my suspicion that I have autism, and all this just from 5 minutes of interaction with this guy.
he was overweight and really weird because he kept staring at me like burning a hole into my head. that really pissed me off, you would think doctors would have way more bedside manner.

he wouldn't let me talk and he talked over me,
then proceeded to tell me what to think.
which really raised the hairs on the back of my neck.
what is it with NTs ? do they love hierarchy that much?
do they have an ongoing love affair with their ignorance and stupidity ?
I believe that is the case.

I am beginning to think there are no doctors out there that will even investigate my claim. which is so disheartening, because I am a little desperate. I'm one who has it needs to fit into society. it's more of a curse than a blessing, I assure you.

The point of therapy is to get you from A to B.

If the therapist can't do anything for you, they either should tell you they can't help you or refer you to someone who might.

If your problem isn't something that can be "fixed" it'd be unethical to keep seeing you and wasting both your time and money.

what's unethical is you making excuses for these quacks.

I don't need help from them. really I do not.
all I need from them is an official diagnosis,
so I can apply for disability.

the f***** up thing is that these shrinks are the gatekeepers to resources us autistics need. it's kind of like a chapter from the book 1984.
state controlled thought police. not to mention mandatory reporting,
and whatever you tell them is fair game for homeland security, the NSA, FBI
to open and peruse at their leisure.

The NT world is all about money.
and they will fight you at every turn to see that you don't get any money, because that is how they control you. it's no secret and they know it, poverty causes mental disease. it causes unstable minds. and they swoop in and pretend they are helping you. whilst making of fat profit off your dumb ass.

I hope you got all that, I hate to repeat myself.

OMG!! !! ! I feel you there! Most people find me strange because I hate capitalism and money! I prefer to trade and make or find my own stuff if I can. However picking dandelions for my salads/ homemade jelly/soaps isn't going to help a whole lot in keeping the rent paid.

Most doctors I deal with treat me like an idiot and it's tough when people act like a know-it-all just because they have authority. I can know just as much as a doctor, but just because I didn't attend university, my knowledge is not valid. I read scholarly articles, medical books, watch lectures online, but my doctors see it as a symptom of anxiety/worry. No, if I have a disease or starting a medication I want to know all the facts to make an educated decision. Something doctors should do a little more.

Also god forbid the government finds out I hate our economy! Personally I don't even know if Capitalism is such a good economic system to have. I compare it to the human body, If all your cells work in harmony and are happily sharing resources with one another, you live long and stay healthy (like a healthy economy). Greed in the economy to me is like cancer. A few cells become selfish, ignore signals to self destruct or share resources and start being greedy. Other cells become malnourished and stressed. They have to work harder even if they were actually more efficient before the cancer, but in the end the cancer usually wins unless it is removed or destroyed. A healthy body can usually fight off cancer and a struggling one can not. Our economy is struggling and may in fact destroy itself if some people, especially the rich over consumers, don't take a step back and reevaluate things, but then that may be out of their abilities.

I am a type of person who just can't function in our type of economy/society. Do other people feel this way?

I know exactly how you feel!! !! ! I have always felt different from other people and have been rejected by my peers since Pre-K! As a result I am very quiet and avoidant of strangers despite wanting to connect with someone.

During high school I focused on my studies and nothing else really aside from video games and my boyfriend who I am still with Yay. I couldn't imagine getting a job while in high school and wasn't ready to learn to drive. After graduating I attended an art college where I was miserable. I had no time for anything and I was only going to classes and doing my homework! I was even living at home. I tried to get a job which was unbearable. My grades began slipping and only lasted three months at my job as a cashier. I went to my doctor presenting with depression/anxiety and was given an antidepressant which relieved my panic attacks, but not much else. I actually got worse! I was given medication after medication and nothing helped. I have been unable to work, go back to college and learn to drive for almost 3 years now.

Since I know that doctors refuse to listen to patients who appear to come in self diagnosed (often it seems these patients may know more than the doctor!) I had been researching my symptoms and came across things such as Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue, Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Disorder and similar conditions. Instead of claiming I had any of these disorders, I would look at the diagnostic criteria and see which symptoms I suffered from. Then I would test the doctors and tell them my symptoms. Because of my history I was told it was due to my anxiety/depression. I was trieed on medication after medication with no relief and often became worse. Finally I started seeing a therapist who has gotten to know me quite well in comparison to my doctors. I never told her what I thought it was and to my suprise she came to the conclusion I may have Aspergers/ADHD on her own! My new psychiatrist took a look at my history and agreed with the therapist!! !! ! I was started on Adderal to see if it helps me any and so far it has worked wonders. My anxiety has lifted because for once in my life I know what it feels like to function a bit more normal!! !!

I would suggest working with a therapist and psychiatrist within the same clinic since the two can work together to help. I felt just seeing only one doctor was not enough because they don't really get to know you and especially if you have been trying to cope/mask your symptoms for years, if you are even aware of which are even symptoms it is torture trying to find answers!! !! !!

A side note about the generation thing in your family. I am reading a book called Genome by Matt Ridley and I am noticing patterns in how genes influence our susceptibility to diseases. An interesting one is in chapter 15 which talks about Prader-Willi and Angelman's syndromes. Research has suggested they both share a deletion in the same chromosome, yet Prader-Willi is associated with the inherited father's chromosome and Angelman's is associated with the mother's. It also suggests that the body is very aware which genes are paternal and which genes are maternal. As far as I am aware genes are thought to be dominant/recessive and the dominant wins out regardless if has detrimental effects such as in Huntington's disease. The book also explains why the Huntington gene my have beneficial effects when one is of reproductive age, but then suffers later in life due to our increasing life spans. Studies seem to show that genes "behave" in a selfish manner only wishing to be passed on and not necessarily focused on maintaining an aging body.

Another interesting study Ridely talks about this chapter is a mouse study where the two pronuclei were swapped in a fertilized egg so that some of the eggs genetically had two mothers or two fathers. The study showed that the maternal genes are responsible for creating most of the embryo, especially the head and brain, and paternal genes are responsible for developing the placenta. Those eggs with two mothers didn't form a placenta and those with two fathers failed to form the embryo but did form a normal placenta.

Now here is what I think. I think that in people with disorders that affect the development of the brain, the unidentified gene is on the sex chromosome or a gene which activates in a similar fashion. From reading about how women and men present with these difficulties and that men tend to fair worse. It suggests that it is sex linked. If you have ever learned about the mechanisms of how colorblindness is inherited it is a good comparison.

So let's assume you inherited this gene from your father, hence this gene has a stronger paternal activation in the womb than if you acquired if from your mother. This could affect brain development in the fetus and while not lethal, could cause a child to have neurological difficulties. A woman who acquired the gene from their father may fair worse than one who acquired it from their mother. Then there are women who get this gene from both parents and may be the worse off, only studies will reveal if this is true. I would assume if an affected woman has a son there is no doubt he will have some difficulties, but depending if it was originally inherited from the grandmother or grandfather could affect it's role in the mother's womb. It could be these genes are even variation of sex hormone regulation. It seems that many women who are affected by some of these disorders have gender neutral or even more masculine traits than a typical female.

I actually have the hand ratio which suggest I was exposed to more androgens (testosterone) like hormone in the womb and I appear and act very gender neutral. This also opens another question if the mother's immune system and hormones also affect these disorders. It certainly appears to be a yes to me as I have heard many mothers with fibromyalgia ( Which I believe is actually mild ADHD/ Sensory processing disorder in females) have children who have ADHD, autism and the like. Hormone levels seem to also play a role in inflammation which is another cause of immune dysfunction and possibly contributing to these neurological disorders as well.

Woooo...... That was a lot. Sorry for all the info. I have ideas like this all the time and no outlet for them. I have been told I should become a doctor lol. I'm actually considering going back to school to learn about botony and specialized in medicinal plants. Many useful compounds, not just medicines originally came from plants!

I LOVE THIS WEBSITE BTW! Being able to relate to others helps us all! It seems to me as if everyone on here is a fantastic communicator, maybe just not verbally. Sometimes I just think my brain goes to fast for my mouth & people can't keep up, so I get frustrated & don't articulate myself properly because I have to phrase things in such a way for people to understand. You all seem to completely understand! Yay. I get really excited about, Tibetan Chants, lets say & want to talk about my Om Mani Padme Hum Hiri tattoo & how I colored the vowels turquoise & how there are 7 characters relating to the 7 realms of consciousness & how it reminds me of the music & color spectrums..... But I just don't show people my tattoo, or if I show it to them & they ask what it is I just respond, "It's Tibetan."

I have been to many drs. They ALWAYS refer me to another doctor. It happened yesterday. My OB/GYN referred me to a Neurologist. I made an appointment, but didn't go. Everyone at the neurologist office kept asking me, "Why do you need to be seen here again?" I said forget it! My last psychologist tried to diagnose me with a personality disorder, (hystrionic - always gotta blame the uterus when all else fails! haha). I looked her square in the eye and told her exactly why I didn't have this or other personality disorder & broke it all down. I knew more than she did. She just gave me a blank look & quit scheduling me. Its like Sheldon said, "My mother never got a diagnosis, so we don't have a diagnosis." I completely understand this, CryosHypnoAeon (Which btw is the coolest screen name ever) that I just need a diagnosis so that I can draw disability! Because, although intelligent, I have never been able to hold a job ever for many reasons, one of which is I am ALWAYS 15 minutes late everywhere no matter how hard I try because I literally can not find my pants! Also, I have temper tantrums and talk back to my bosses & have a Bachelor's Degree in Classics. No one cares that I can compare and contrast all the religions & mythologies of antiquity because they are all the same gods with different names & it is fascinating to no one but me. Especially getting a diagnosis as an adult, who at this point has learned to hide it so well that no one even believes I am on the spectrum. In the 80s we didn't have any of this stuff. Now, every other kid on the street has either ADHD or Autism. 1 in 64! And the DSM changes CONSTANTLY! The people who make up the labels don't even understand it. In fact, when I was pregnant with my son (who is very obviously on the spectrum) I wrote my senior thesis in Abnormal Child Psychology on how ADHD (with or without the H, which was how it was termed at that time, but has since changed in the DSM) and Autism was over diagnosed. How's that for dramatic irony? Now, I feel that there are more of US than there are of THEM. We just hide. & Niko_Oeyes I do feel this way too! I have no concept of money and if I have some, I will buy the strangest things ever as presents to people and give anything to other people as gifts, even if it was previously mine (people seem to be more comfortable with tagged objects I've found & miss the sentiment entirely). Then I look up and I realize i can't pay my light bill. Hence, the disability. Maybe we should just follow Widespread Panic around in tents for the rest of our lives, except I have a heightened sense of smell & hippies smell like nag champa covering BO & it makes me gag. ha.

Niko_Oeyes, I have heard of this book & need to read it! There is DEFINITELY something here. My son has a pair of chromosomes deleted on one strand, but to make up for it, has a duplicated set on another strand. So, the exact same numbers as a normal person, just rearranged. And, get this... my sister's grandson has the same thing, but a different one! I also feel extremely gender neutral. I am a woman, but have too much testosterone. I have a ton of body hair & am aggressive. I feel extremely masculine, but look extremely feminine. It is very confusing. And I attract feminine men. My first husband was actually gay. It only lasted a year. (Did I mention I hold men like I hold jobs?) I do feel androgynous, and am honestly debating lesbianism right now after my third divorce & I am not joking. But as far as the dominant gene winning... I agree. I have 3 children by 3 men (Don't make life choices whilst drinking gin FYI). All of them are fair and freckled and have blonde curly hair like my family. You always hear that fair genes are recessive to dark genes. I thought that anyway. Not so. My step-sister actually told me that gingers were going extinct. I was like, 'Not if I keep poppin em out!' haha. My father's eyes were literally yellow. How recessive is that? But.... mine turned yellow in the middle. Like a sunflower. And my 3 year old's are changing yellow too! She is very fair. Her father has almost jet black hair & dark brown eyes. Her verbal skills supersede the vast majority of adults I know. She talks a lot & I have to put earplugs in to cope with the sounds.

Coping. I feel we all have anxiety. People give me anxiety, lights give me anxiety, sounds, etc. It is just a matter of identifying the root of the anxiety and then dealing with that instead of covering it up with drugs & alcohol. I hypothesize that many aspies are also addicts. I have been. And let me say that just because prescription drugs are legal, it doesn't make them not drugs. Doctors don't know what to do with us, so what do they do? Pump you full of pills. I just got off all my Adderal & Riddilan after discovering I was probably more Aspie than ADHD (although sometimes they are comorbid as with Fibromyalgia). I think diet is more key to controlling the symptoms. (No dyes!) I absolutely can NOT go to Walmart. I would have to take Xanax just to walk into the door and by the time I got to the milk I would hyperventilate. Once I figured out it was all the florescent lights and sounds, I got to the root of the problem & now I go to the small grocery store here. It's almost a farmer's market. It's the only way I can survive. It smells really neat too! Not like pesticides & rotting lettuce. I have 3 children to feed, but almost can't do it. I love to cook. I'm even writing a cookbook. I like to play with smells & textures. But get this, I don't care about eating whatsoever. I can go days without eating. My children are growing & constantly hungry. And (I will ONLY say this here where it's safe), since I don't understand this need for food, I honestly get irritated that others are always hungry. I identified this source of my anxiety & solved it by eating away from others. The sounds they make while they voraciously inhale their food disgusts me & I loose my appetite. People think I'm anorexic, but I'm not.

If you want to learn how to 'Fake it' in society & you didn't have your mother force you into etiquette class & country clubs your entire life to learn these skills, might I suggest Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends & Influence People. All people should read this book, but especially us. I make vast effort to learn people's names & hold eye contact with them while I am speaking to them & make them talk about themselves. It bores me & I hate it! But it will help you live in their world. We are too smart to be defeated. And that probably sounds so messed up to other people, but it is true. I speak the truth. It makes people so mad & I can't understand why. I will say things like, "If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it." and that is what I mean. And people will get so pissed off when I say things like this, but I can't understand it.

I digress. A lot. Sorry about that.

It's all about finding a way to express yourself. I use music. Many of us excel at music & art. It is a fantastic way to get all of it out, if you will. I am auditory more than visual, so I use music. Also, it may sound odd, but I taught myself to be ambidextrous in order to try to make both sides of my brain work together. I feel like some of us have a disconnect between the right & left brain hemispheres. Has anyone noticed that we are extremists? I (and the females in my family) are more abstract. I loose my phone 18 times a day. My grandmother had 7 sets of teeth because she constantly lost them. But my father & nephews were concrete. The fingernail clippers go here & if you move them, you die. My father (also a musician) was a land surveyor & had a fantastic sense of direction. He was a pilot and had a complete grasp of time & space & direction. He was never late. I get lost in the same neighborhood that I grew up in my entire life & honestly don't even know what month it is most of the time.

We are all different. Becoming self actualized is the key. Instead of muting yourself with booze or whatever, embrace your quirks, tell all the Trebeks out there to suck it, but learn how to filter that out of your mouth to 'I'm good, how are you?' instead & fake it when you have to. But sticking together helps more than anything. We can all learn so much more from each other than any shrink. Possibly, we are normal & they are not. I'm going with that.

Hugs to you all! I am so glad I found others. Let's be weird together & stand strong!

And doctors are Trebeks. They can suck it long & suck it hard. Haha. Did I just say that out loud? I can here

I can relate to the fact that people judge you and that there shouldn't be any reason to make any notes of your appearance. At home, my mother would say: "What are you wearing?" when I wear a bracelet or anklet for a change. Why should she care?

This.

What's stopping you from applying now?

...f**k psychs c .

Don't you have to have a diagnosis in order to apply?