Autism or personality as a result of childhood

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Recently I went to the doctor to be recommended to a psychologist for anxiety as I have difficulty sleeping, the anxiety mostly as a result of neglectful parenting as a child. Anyway, I asked the doctor if I could possibly have autism as I had spent a lot of time reading up about the symptoms (in women) and it sounded exactly like me. However, the doctor was insistent my symptoms were merely as a result of my childhood and I should be careful of putting a label on myself. I told her that I have difficulty in saying the correct response in social situations and lack empathy when people are telling me things that would require it. Each time she rebutted me with a "that is normal in cases like yours" which left me feeling quite confused.

I understand her reasoning as I am sure there is stigma around being diagnosed with autism, I have a friend who wouldn't even tell people he had it. But I merely want assistance with dealing with social situations.

Is it possible I could just be this way due to my childhood? or could I still have autism? How would I get diagnosed if doctors are reluctant to believe it?

I am in Australia so I am not sure if that makes it any different.

A bit of background:
As a child I excelled in school but was completely withdrawn from interactions with other children, preferring to lose myself in books (mostly of the fantasy type). I also enjoyed spending time in nature away from society.

I did better in high school but still felt completely different from other kids and was quite disruptive in class. Currently I work in a science related field, but personally think my lack of social capability is holding me back in terms of career advancement so I would like to know if I have it so I could get the support I need.

I should add I have a twin sister who is unlike me, and there is no autism in my family so there would be no genetic link.

Anyone have any similar experience?

It is possible it could be either. Since labeling yourself tends to make people want to argue (often true regardless whether the person has ASD or not) and you would like help with social interactions, if you are willing to say that's what you want and let the professional label you it will likely be easier. And hopefully you can get what you need.

Also they may want to say it's from how you were treated as a child until they try helping with what usually helps and observe for awhile.

When I was first seen by a professional, the definition of ASD wasn't what it is now and everything was a result of biology or childhood.

thanks, it seems diagnosis as an adult is quite costly here. I should be able to bring it up with the psychologist though even though they are meant to be treating me for anxiety.

I think the doctor refuted it because we were able to converse freely, but when it comes to question/answer type conversation I am ok with that, it is pretty much anything else, particularly when it comes to displaying empathy or emotional support.

Are there any groups that can help with that? like teach techniques?

There are groups in some areas.

I like this website
http://socialcommunication.truman.edu
Try it if you like.

I would suggest just looking for the help you want and completely foregoing the diagnosis until you need one.

Unfortunately, the help you want may not exist (it doesn't in my area). If you get diagnosed first, it will be an optional roller coaster...all for nothing.

Hello Atr. I've been going through a similar experience in the past month or so, though I was able to find a therapist who specializes in Autism, Asperger's, and anxiety. He has helped me use cognitive behavioral therapy to focus on my anxiety and self-esteem issues first, but as those problems have mostly faded away now, the Asperger's traits have become clearer. I always assumed many of my feelings and behaviors were the result of family issues: very distant, cold father (though he actually probably has Asperger's too), mom with strong borderline personality disorder traits, and brother and grandmother with strong narcissistic traits. So, it was very easy to define so much of myself and what I was experiencing through all of those issues. But, when I really think about who I am and how I act as myself, the traits associated with Asperger's become more prevalent. The problem is I've had a lifetime of being nitpicked and judged and pushed to conform, which I often did to varying degrees, and this led to the anxiety, panic attacks, etc. It's still an ongoing process to sort out all these aspects of my life, thoughts, and emotions, but I believe my experience is similar.

Part of my "mask" has also been a dislike of people constantly asking if I'm okay (due to misread or lack of facial expression) and many not understanding my preferences for solitude, or not wanting condiments are certain spices on foods, etc. I think many NTs feel it's strange to see people with certain rigid preferences that they don't share, and they genuinely think they're helping you to be happy by pushing you to do what they enjoy. I've always hated these "arguments" (as I see them) and have often gone along with others to avoid them, to my own detriment and dislike. I think this has helped others think I'm dealing more with shyness, insecurity, or low self-esteem, but it's not exactly that, if you understand what I'm saying. When you don't choose their path, many NTs think that you're too afraid to be assertive or to seek what you want, when in fact they're constantly (unknowingly) trying to lead you from what makes you happy. Then they see the anxiety they help cause and think that is your main problem. So, as you focus on your issues and what bothers you, maybe you will see them slip away to reveal more obvious Autism/Asperger's.

Hi,
I am in a similar position. I had an emotionally and slightly neglectful childhood with a narcissistic mother and enabling father. I have two sons with autism. I have been visiting a therapist who specialises in people with SEN, but not exclusively. We have decided that, although there is a large overlap between ASD symptoms and products of childhood abuse, I have so many sensory processing issues that this points to ASD. She would like me to be diagnosed as she thinks it would boost my self esteem, but I am still thinking about this.

I think a big factor is what other symptoms you have. Social skills are only a part of it.

I think I wasted a bit of time and emotional energy thinking I could fix myself by working through my childhood issues.

There are bits of me that are just who I am. I cannot "cure" them but I can learn what makes me feel better and what makes me feel worse. I can learn to take extra breaks and pace myself.

It is such a relief not to have to go over the bad parts of my childhood again.

It's hard to tell. I also wonder about that. I experienced neglect and abuse as a kid.

Since age 7 I was a latchkey kid. But I don't think it influenced me negatively - I had some bad experiences when I was home alone but I dealt with them by myself and they actually improved my self esteem.

Abuse was worse. In my house fathers opinion was the highest value and questioning it always ended up in argue and whacking. Same thing was happening when I was asking him for help - I was lost and confused and needed help but the only thing I was getting for asking were insults such as "You can never do anything by yourself! You are worthless".

But my mom and grandma weren't like that - they were always helping me when I asked her for help and they were telling me I am skilled and a good kid so I don't think dads behavior influenced me so badly. It's not like he was the only person I could learn social rules from.

Also - if it was personality thing unusual behavior would come out much later.
I was realized as a "weird kid" ever since I was 3 years old and entered preschool.
So even if abuse/neglect was the cause it already affected my brain development in a way that cannot be explained with just a personality disorder because such little kids don't have personality disorders.
(side note - my dad still loved me unconditionally back then and thought of me as "daddy's little girl" so there probably wasn't much abuse towards me anyway although he probably did yell at my mom in my presence.).

For me even autistics with schizophrenia may look as less unique and odd than me. I have theoretically opposite traits: I have "mechanic", "one-sided" style of social interactions, no need of being loved on one side, but great desire for being with the wife (or even have children) on the other side. I suppose that I am uncapable of being like "common" people and I could say that I have other (autistic) nature which has different attitude to world than "NT nature".

Celibacy is large mental discomfort for me. I read about people with autism or schizophrenia who had offspring. I do not have many autistic traits, do not have hallucinations, I did not "lie" in psychiatric hospital... I suppose that wifelessness may made me much worse than I could be. Both my parents were spouses and have a child in my current age, my brother (who is above 3 years younger than me) has a girlfriend (he lives with her rather like with wife, not just a girlfriend). I have "obsessive" need of marrying someone who is similar to me and my mentality want to have only children, who would be similar to me. I was conceived before marriage and was born when my parents were below 23 (but after their marriage).

My parents did not live so well with themselves. When I was young, I could be afraid that my father will kill his wife during some arguments. Father could be very aggressive towards my mother. Both parents were (and still are) "pretty" vulgar. I have problems with talking with them. They are often unpleasant for me, they complain because I am "lazy", "unuseful" etc. I would say that my family is somewhat pathological. I do not think that my parents are Aspies, they have rather normal social skills, have not "manic" interests. Lack of good will, knowledge about the problems may be their large problem. Maybe they have some sort of mental disorder?

It is not so bad. It could be worse. My parents could be addicted to alcohol or have somatic handicap. My father appears to be "cold" towards other members of family, but for me it is not so large problem (I have deficient need of being loved and have "autistic nature", so I could be similar). Aggressive behaviors and rude, vulgar speech are common to my parents. My condition may be really frustrating for them. But my mother can complain that I study only one course (I do not want more), that I have not driving licence (I get psychotropic drug) etc.

OP, "Confirmation Bias" is a big issue in both medicine/ helping professions of all kinds; maybe have a look at the Wikipedia page on it if you are unaware of term and how it manifests in encounters like the one you describe.

A lot of people here appear to have had experience of confirmation bias when seeking a diagnosis of ASD from psychiatrists - for example as psychiatrists tend to specialise in mental illness, not neurological syndromes like Aspergers, they have been given a confirmation biased misdiagnosis of mental illness. This has crippled some lives for decades; it is a tragedy.

You have perhaps experienced another kind of confirmation bias - this person is hot on the consequences of child abuse and neglect and views all symptoms through that lens. It happens very often. You know what your life has been, how your inner self operates. The problem arises that when people seek help/validation from others who are strangers, the strangers don't have a list of their prejudices/special interests/lenses on the wall next to their framed qualification. And many of them think that having that qualification makes them immune from bias - the most dangerous and pompous professional illusion of all.

When I initially came into contact with mental health services I was diagnosed with a personality disorder. However, that didn't stick because I lacked the impulsivity (among other things) that was characteristic of the disorder. They queried bipolar for a while as well because of the paranoia and mild psychotic features I get when I am severely depressed but that didn't stick either because I just don't get the mania. I have had a "working diagnosis" of "depression with psychotic features" along with an acknowledgement of anxiety but no specific diagnosis of an anxiety disorder for a number of years now. As of today my Care Coordinator is referring me for an autism assessment. Having talked things through with her, it seems to be that the mental health services expect adults to have been previously diagnosed with autism in childhood, so have a tendency to want to rule everything else out before they will consider it as a possibility.