Really need advice on how I can keep going.

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Hi Everybody,

My name is Craig. I'm ADHD and bunch of other learning disabilities, am about to take a test to see how about Autism soon. I'm 32, live alone, friends have all left me, job ditched me in January, i'm a virgin, never had a girlfriend or close friend.

But the reason I write today is not to talk about that. I started this Youtube channel recently about movies, after writing about them for many years. I love watching them, they've been my best learning tools in life. I've also taken up video editing to make them good and I try to be as lively and entertaining as possible in them.

I want this to work out for me so badly that it hurts now though. I've made a pact with myself that I would try to earn one subscriber per day until I had enough to where I get noticed on the site more. So i'm promoting like crazy that i'm compulsive with it. Not only that but I hear voices in my head telling me that i'll continue to fail and that's just pushing me harder. The videos are making me so happy, but promoting and finding confidence in myself is killing me. I really want to do a good job with this, i'd say it's the only thing I could ever really do a good job in.

How can I fix this so I don't feel like s**t?

Thanks,
Craig Younkin

You are honestly better off watching Documentaries rather than Television when it comes to Education™.

You can also tell/ask those Voices™ to stop disturbing/distracting you. I always found it incredibly annoying when I had Parents™ back in the day who always kept on insisting that I'm going to fail & this & that & everything, well you know what, f**k 'em, clearly they're indoctrinated by some sort of religious-cult of a "everything around me must be told that it's gonna fail" belief which has no basis in reality.

You should probably also read Dr. Carl Wickland's book (hyper-linked in the under-line) followed by a lot of other stuff but at least that could be an appropriate stepping-stone™ for now.

I think it's great that you are doing this for yourself. I don't really have any suggestions on what you can do to keep yourself motivated (otherwise I'd be sitting on a couple novels) but I might suggest not reading/disabling the comments section as even the best videos get trolls who just spew venom to spew venom and it seems that negativity might effect you. Also, try and take more satisfaction in your work and the process rather than other's opinion of your work, one of the few times I'm going to advise anyone in film to use Uwe Boll as an inspiration, but whatever else you say about him he makes the movies he wants to make and somehow finds an audience.