Feelings of hostility towards people/Not getting sleep.

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Hey guys,

I was wondering if (prolonged) feelings of hostility is a "co morbidity" of Autism/Aspergers or if it's a symptom of something else all together? Just for the record I don't feel like I'm going to go on a rampage and kill people or otherwise cause mass damage I just want to make that clear

The past week or two I've been holding back on my feelings trying not to "last out" vocally on people. I just feel like telling people off which is not in my nature I'm normally more reserved I don't understand what is going on!! Just last night I went off on somebody due to an error in communication.

For some reason I haven't been getting a sound sleep even tho I do sleep or at least I've been told I sleep "too much" I don't feel it I wake up feeling more raw then I did going to sleep the times I do enter REM sleep I do dream however it's always a f*****g cliff hanger and I spend all the time when I'm dreaming trying to find a conclusion to the dream tossing and turning in bed and when I wake up I don't feel rested often feeling dizzy.

I do take sleeping agents on the nights before I have classes to help lul me to sleep otherwise I'd get 2-3 hours of sleep and then I'd go into class seeing dbl vision Now I understand that insomnia is a co morbidity of Autism/Aspergers.

I'm getting to the point where I'm getting more concerned and am thinking of getting help and seeing a shrink however I don't think I can deal with somebody making a judgement and affixing another label (oh I think you maybe xyz or I don't think/see you really have Autism but rather xyz) I think Autism (ASD) is enough (and yes I am content with just having that label) nor do I want to be a guinea pig and try different meds. But I don't know what other direction to go
Advice please?

Before I was diagnosed I felt very hostile towards people. I thought nearly everyone was judging me and that some might be planning to harm me. I was nervous even around family and people I knew but now I know that there aren't all against me and the reason I felt that way was difficulty knowing people's intentions due to ASD.

I don't know your circumstances and your life, maybe there are some problems or people you don't like around you and that's why your hostile?

From what I read you saying, instead of some new diagnosis it may just be a matter of getting some counseling to learn some new specific tools and techniques for letting go of resentments and bleeding off energy from the subsequent adrenaline rush. For me, slamming pillows onto a bed or sofa was a great stress reliever.

For a long time I most ruminated on my resentments while in bed at night, so my sleep sucked.

So is this kinda think Normal for those on the spectrum?



This is what I am experiencing here,

There is a "friend" (i've pretty much giving up on that term) that I hang with (see social skills thread for more info) while I don't think he'd intentionally screw me or jerk me around however I feel that his motives are ulterior even tho he really hasn't giving me a real reason to think that. We've had some disagreements about a few things and misunderstanding (mostly on my part) he knows I have Autism and that he can't really talk to me in a way he could with an NT because I see/process things a bit differently thus not totally understanding his point of view and seeing things as an attack against me. There's times where I want to be alone and not do anything but yet I force my self into wanting to do something with him I'm the one who engages things most of the time.

There's that, there's the fact I'm still living at home with a older family member and I'm tired of being with that person (not that I don't care about that person) I'm kinda forced to socialize with him even tho I just want to remain quiet and be a bit reclusive which the person says I'm acting anti-social. but yet I can't move on (at least not yet) because I'm taking classes and that I am a slow learner on top of that I'm trying to find a job and things are going slower then expected with the people at VR and my job placement specialist/coach seams inept.

Finally, There's the fact that since my mother passed in 2005 there's been no sense of family since then, no happiness and the fact that I have to rely on going to out of state relatives houses to get a sense of what "family" is I have to schedule a month in advance to get a an hour to see my brother for lunch because he's always busy with work.

When I travel to the more affluent areas of the city I see these kids with the perfect hair pressed clothes they have no idea how lucky they have it they have a family their needs are met if they have any LD's they can go to the best schools or afford tutors, if they have Autism/Aspergers they can get the best help money can buy they are guaranteed to move on and move up in life. While I'm happy for them It kinda eats me up because here I am at 34 playing catch up because of a failed school system struggling to comprehend what my instructor is saying reliant on community college teachers tho thankfully I have found one that really tries with me.
There's really nobody in my community that specializes in adults with Autism/Aspergers the ones whom specializes are with people with MR and mental disabilities I've seen what they "offer" and they lump everybody together so I have to travel to the more affluent areas if I want to seek help from somebody who knows about ASD and I have to pay out of pocket because they are picky on what insurance plans they accept. I think that's the norm that once a person whom is an adult and is on the spectrum they are left to their own devices left to fend for themselves maybe it's a little bit different in the more progressive states I dunno.

I'm not sure, I can only go by my experience. I was bullied in the past though and moved in with a step parent who hated me and that's why I started being hostile towards all people.

The ASD may have been why I still stuck in the same behaviour patterns and thought patterns 10 years after the bullying ended though. I behaved and thought as if everything remained the same and that people were the same.

Now I know that was a mistake in my thinking.

As for your situation I do not know what you could do. If I was in that situation I think I would leave home once I can, and start a new life. Maybe leave your 'friend' behind because they don't seem nice or beneficial to you. Perhaps there are services that can support you to move out? I think its great that your taking classes though.

Someone said to me it doesn't matter how fast you pick things up, the important part is that you are still improving.

I'm working on the first part as hard as I can but it's going slower then I expected. The only services in my community that can "help" me are geared towards those whom are lower functioning I.E. group homes and then there's the income limits I think one has to be under a certain income/resource limit and the problem is I own my own car as well as some higher end electronics that they would want me to sell off so that I could qualify to be in their program. Plus I can live on my own with little to no help in the sense where I would need a case manager to help me with daily living skills or manage my finances for me or take me on outings.

I've been told that I should cut ties with the person both by family members as well as a few members on here and like a yutz I'm still hanging out with him. I guess I want to be normal in the sense of having some type of social life but it back fires on me everytime! In fact I recently signed up for a 3 month membership to a gym that he was going to so that we could work out together he's been telling me he want's somebody to work out with and to help him in fact he called me out on that because I had to postponed a few times due to finances to which he has said at various times you keep putting this off and wasting my time you keep telling me your going to go to the gym but I know you'll never go to the gym I'm making this happen for my self your doing nothing etc. but now that I am a member he's been absent pretty much the time I've been there....After the three month gym membership expires I'm going to put time between us hopefully by then I'll have a job where I can use that as an out and I'll re-sign for a gym closer to my place.

I just want a friend whom wont call out my faults or otherwise make insinuations about me whom wont pretend to be nice but will be honest and direct maybe that will be somebody who's on the spectrum (I would like to meet an aspie whom has the same interests as I) or maybe it wont be a person who's not on the spectrum I dunno.

I know one thing is for sure is that I got to get out of the south I'm f'ing tired of the fake politeness these people have and the holier then tho attitudes it was better in the north they either like you or they don't there was no guessing.

Hey Joel,

I understand you're feeling pissed at people, and why.

But...please....don't let this hinder your progress. You're growing. Don't let this ruin your progress.

Also: not everybody, even in affluent areas, "have it all together." It just seems that way because many people know how to put out a "public persona."

One trouble with Asperger's: it's more difficult for Aspergians to put out a "public persona."

That's pretty much how all of my nights are.

right now the progress is the only thing I've really got going for me...

I'd really like to meet up with somebody that has Aspergers it just seams to me that they are perhaps more honest and direct with their feelings then say an NT.

The only experience I have had with an Aspie was the husband of a fan at a Billy Joel concert when I disclosed I had autism he high fived me we talked a bit he seamed pretty cool even tho he wasn't really a big fan of Billy

about sleeping at night:

I listen to an audio book with earphones at night - it really helps me to drift off to sleep. (I set a timer on the audio)

Before I stumbled on this trick, I used to lie awake for hours at night, my mind thinking and thinking about things, re-enacting scenes from the past or worrying...

But now the story helps to quiet my mind and I never notice myself falling asleep...

I've recently started to do the same. It takes my mind off of everything -

It could come from Autism from anxiety or it could just come from a point of being fed up with peoples BS. I remember when I was in high school that I had people who would mess with me and one day I just got fed up with the stuff people did that I turned around and punched a guy in the face. It ended up getting me a lot more respect in school and then I started kicking anyones ass that pushed me too far. I ended up breaking one guys leg and another guys hand in fights... It was pretty stupid of me and I was lucky I didnt get in any major trouble. If your going to do something about whatever your situation is, just dont take it too far like I did.