looking in people's general direction

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I used to think I did not have the trait of not looking people in the eyes.

But now that I think of it, I think I tend to just look in the general direction of people. So far I have not been called on it by anyone. I am not sure if the difference is noticeable to people.

I know what color my husband’s eyes are. I do not remember what color eyes my adult son has. I am not sure what color eyes my boss has and I have been working with him for a long time. I do not know the eye color of the person I have played D&D with for over 10 years.

I tend to have most conversations with my husband when I am sitting side by side with him. (Not looking in his face.) Sometimes I will hold his hand and look down at his hand. It just feels more natural to me.

Not unusual for someone like us. I've never been comfortable looking someone right in the eyes most of the time.

Usually I'm looking at their mouths when they're talking to me. Most don't comment to me regarding it - a few do.

I don't even look at people sometimes when talking but I have a rare low vision disorder & my brain sometimes has problems processing things I do see visually so I'm NOT a visual person. I almost never look people in the eyes & very seldom even look my girlfriend in the eyes. I don't know what color eyes she has because i have some color-blindness.

Whenever I try to look people in the eyes when talking to people I hardly know, it's difficult for me to do so, therefore I just can't. This leads to my mom telling me off for "being rude" {when really she's the one being rude} and us arguing about my behavior.

I usually do look people in the eye (not a ton, but I don't have a problem with it), unless I am talking about something deeply personal. Then I will look away. I don't know if that is normal for most people, but my guess is that it is.

However, I don't *mind* not looking at people when we are talking. I prefer talking side-by-side or at other angles where only occasionally eye contact is needed or not at all.

I think most people (NTs) find a lack of eye contact upsetting if they are talking with others. I don't.

Yes, I relate to this. I tend to believe I'm now good at eye contact, or at least better at it than I remember being when young -- but I've come to realize I'm not as good at it as I thought, when I'm not actively and consciously paying attention to deliberately doing it "properly."

I remember eye contact being excruciating for me when I was a child and a teenager. I was conscious that this wasn't normal and I deliberately made an effort to copy the way I saw other (NT) people making eye contact. So for most of my adult life I've thought I was finally doing it in a normal way and that I'd gotten over the wincing pain (figuratively) that it used to make me feel. And when I've managed to make a closer than usual friendship or relationship, such as with boyfriends and my ex husband, I had fewer problems with eye contact because I felt more comfortable with that individual.

But when talking in general to people who are either strangers or acquaintances, I've noticed that it's only when I've made myself aware of eye contact that I can actually engage in a "normal" level of it during an interaction.

At other times, when it's not something I'm consciously thinking of, I realize it's very poor -- I really do only look in someone's general direction or even not at all. I just speak and kind of look at other things. I gave a friend birthday gifts a couple of weeks ago, and upon realizing later that I don't know what her face was reacting like when she opened them, I realized that I hadn't even looked at her face to see her reactions -- I'd just looked at the gifts and her hands, and completely missed out on seeing whether she smiled, looked pleased or not ....I'm not looking at people properly at all.

I've wondered about this as well. I don't think I have problems with eye contact, but I find it impossible to accurately assess that as the mere act of thinking about my eye contact effects the behavior. Like you though, I can't think of the eye color of pretty much anyone other than my wife and son. Nobody has really told me that I have trouble with eye contact, but I'm not so certain of how accurately other people can tell vs looking at their mouth for instance. I'd be very curious to take one of those tests where a computer tracks even small changes in where your eyes are looking to see how I would perform.

Up until I was 50, I didn’t actually understand what people meant by eye contact. I didn’t realize you were actually supposed to make eye-to-eye contact. The only time I thought about that, was when I was young, when my sister and I had staring contests. Besides, why look at another's eyes when there is a big old mouth to stare at.

I was always aware that i didn't look others in the eyes, but i have also developed the skill of looking in their direction and them not noticing the difference; a very useful skill.

i do not know any eye colors of people either, not even my own...

I hate having to look people straight on. I usually spend conversations with people staring at their shoes.

This thread reminded me of something I used to do when I was younger. I am not altogether certain why, but I was curious whether “the other person” could tell if I was looking into their eyes (or not).

So, I decided to perform an experiment, where I would look into the mirror and tilt and/or move my head and eyes -- up, down, left, right. Of course, I quickly discovered that using a mirror to figure this out was pretty stupid.

I only bring this up, because what I posted last night was not entirely true. Apparently, I knew about eye-to-eye contact when I was young. I simply didn’t understand whether or not I did it.

I never known eye contact was important till I joined this forum

Relevant story: Last night my wife asked me if I had noticed her new glasses. "Ummmmmmmm..."

This happens to me a lot. It gets worse when I am tired.

Normally I can make eye contact with my siblings, other autistics, siblings of autistics, or a select number of others. But when I'm too tired, I can't even do this.

I've also noticed that other autistics struggle to look at people, sometimes, even me.

I am not sure whether "eye contact", when used by NTs, actually refers to directly looking into someone's eyes or just in their direction. I tend to look at a conversational partner's mouth when they are speaking, and look away (or even shut my eyes) when I am replying. Yet I have never been told that this is odd in any way. So I have to conclude that either people don't comment on unusual eye contact, don't notice it, or my level of "eye contact" is normal and the concept is poorly described.

I do find that my ability to make eye contact fluctuates somewhat. For example, when anxious I find it difficult to even look at someone's face, but I have no difficulty in looking at someone's eyes if they are not looking back at me (e.g. on tv).

I tend to look at mouths, noses, unibrows, make quick glances at eyes, hold eye contact then look away continuously for a few beats or look away entirely, depending on how I feel. I've noticed that none of these actually involve actually paying attention to eyes. I never notice eye movement, or colour. It's about making sure others can tell I'm paying attention. Looking like I'm looking, as it were.

Edit: Is this what everybody does when it comes to eye contact? It's such a bother and an unnecessary worry though...