being "cured" does Autism ever go away?

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Though I have been cured of my autism for about 6 years now and have been so successful as to even surpassing peers in academic progress and having romantic relationships. I still feel the weight of my diagnosis hanging over me every day. I have to monitor everything I say I have to must focus so hard on doing routine taskssuch as driving, cooking, cleaning that I build a well of anxiety inside me. But worst of all there are times when people cease to be people and become hollow bodoes, nihlistic vessels that exist in a while different world from you. There are times when a crushing loneliness can poison your mind even when surrounded by loved ones. Though I am cured I still fight a difficult battle with myself everyday. If you know what this is like if you understand how I feel please write back. I could really use some group support and am tired of trying to fight this battle alone because it's exhausting.

There is no cure for autism, nor would one be possible, as the autistic brain is structured completely differently from the neurotypical brain. It is possible to learn to adapt, and act more "normally" on the surface, but autism is not something that just goes away; it's a part of who you are as a person.

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, Cameron.

So, actually, are many people who've never had a hint of autism. You'd be surprised how many "abnormal" people exist.

I have to think quite a bit while I drive/clean/etc. I actually did not get my license until I was 37.

It sounds like you're going through a similar philosophical phase as many young people who are trying to "find themselves."

Life never goes away.

That's correct. The thing that causes the autism itself--the way the brain is made--doesn't go away. You'll always think differently and experience the world differently.

However, some autistic people, especially those with mild cases diagnosed in childhood, will learn enough to compensate completely for the autism. These people have "lost their diagnosis" because the diagnosis of autism requires that they have significant impairment, which they no longer have. These people can still be culturally autistic, sharing many ideas and experiences with people who still meet the significant-impairment criterion.

If what you say in your post is true, I think you should keep your diagnosis. You describe spending a lot of effort to do what is presumably rather natural and effortless for your peers; that counts as significant impairment, and it's something you should take into account. To use physical disability as an analogy, say I have heart problems and I can walk a mile if I really need to--but it's so exhausting to me that for the next few days I will be unable to do anything strenuous at all; and if I were to try to do it regularly, I would burn out. That lack of endurance is a disability just as surely as if my heart problems were worse and I could not walk a mile at all.

Your experiences remind me of how I was in my early twenties. I would work very hard to try to match up to the expectations placed on non-disabled people, using every scrap of mental energy, constantly policing myself and forcing myself into overdrive. Eventually, I resorted to self-injury to tap into panic-mode energy, and then I burned out and ended up in the hospital for depression. Nowadays, I don't do that anymore, and I know I'm better off looking odd and feeling better.

Don't see "looking normal" as the ideal, because if you do, you're judging yourself by others' standards. Be the person you are meant to be, rather than the generally accepted ideal. That ideal is meant for NTs, and not even all of them. Find your own way.

There's no cure to autism so if what you say is true, you'd be the first person in the history of the universe to be cured of autism. Obviously that's an unlikely possibility.

Sorry for my lack of knowledge in regards to terminology. I have had my diagnosis overturned/revoked (whatever the proper term is). Essentially the diagnosis no longer had any bearing on how I am viewed in a public or professional setting. The trouble I'm having most frequently is that though I perform any task to the same level as one of my peers (granted we both have an understanding of that task). I find that it requires much more " mental energy " in order to accomplish the same task.

Let's say that I am cooking a meal, I am constantly worrying that the food is burning, my heart starts pounding and God forbid I do actually burn the food I get anxiety for the whole day.

Driving I feel an unnerving amount of anxiety . Every time someone hits the breaks in front of me my heart starts pounding extremely fast and I start hyperventilating while a peer may just get mad and flip the guy off. Do you think I should seek medicine to help me control my anxiety.

The other prevalent problem I have is the loneliness problem that is being discussed in another post when alone your lonely and when with others you want to be alone. If I had to take a guess it would be caused by feelings of insecurity which makes you seek out others but once you are with them their "normal" interactions only affirm your feelings of insecurity. Or rather you look to be with people like you when your lonely and others simply don't match up.

Now this wouldn't be too much of a problem but as we all know that bad feeling can linger for longer than it would in someone without autism/aspergers. For me a moderate event in the morning can trigger a foul moo that lasts all day.

Should I try mood stabilizers to help with this? I have found therapy to be ineffective as it is not faulty thinking but rather a predisposition to negative thoughts. Essentially what I am asking is if there is a better way to cope with the stress of everyday life which only seems to mount as I have to tackle more and more responsibilities

You've developed coping mechanisms which is great. So have I and a lot of other people on the spectrum. Those allow you to fit into society, function, and "pass" as neurotypical. But the diagnosis is still relevant.

Set a timer for your food. It should take the same amount of time to cook if you prepare it the same way each time.

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety. Only a doctor would be able to determine if medication is appropriate for you but I don't think it would hurt if it was the appropriate medicine.

I take it the OP has had a diagnostic test for autism that was positive, followed by a second diagnostic test that was negative. If so, I'd say all that shows is that diagnosticians sometimes get it wrong, and that it's not known whether you have autism or not. Your description of your struggles sounds like they could be down to trying to cope with autism in the real world, but I'm really not sure. Maybe it would help to present to a good diagnostician for a barrage of psychological / neurological tests, or even start with a good personal counsellor, with a view to finding out what might be making you so unhappy?

What I pick up from your description of your woes is that although you do well academically, a lot of areas of life are very difficult for you. You mention that driving, cooking and cleaning feel very hard and that you become very anxious when you try to do those things. I'm wondering whether it's a case of actual difficulties causing anxiety, or anxiety causing the difficulties. I'm not saying this would be easy, but you might somehow be able to find out which is the cause and which is the effect, though it might just be a vicious circle of both. I'm reluctant to suggest the use of sedatives, but it might be informative to try them, just to see whether those tasks became any easier.......careful with the driving though, as it might not be wise to drive while on some meds.

I don't know about this nihilistic bodies thing. From your description, that could be the autistic thing where we tend to see people as objects, or it could be something psychiatric.

When you say that a crushing loneliness can poison your mind even when surrounded by loved ones, that seems at odds with what you say about surpassing peers in romantic relationships. Perhaps you're doing well at forming romantic relationships but haven't yet been able to relate very deeply with the partners you've acquired? What I mean is, if you can develop a good relationship with a supportive and wise partner, you could share your troubles with them and they might be able to help. Your plight there sounds eerily like my plight not so long ago, when I was able to maintain a relationship well enough to keep it running but couldn't really open up to partners, so I was in many ways a good boyfriend but wasn't really opening up to them, I was instead keeping my pain and fear to myself and just trying to behave like I thought a good man should.

As for curing autism, I agree with other posters that it's not possible, but coping strategies can be found. Mostly I've tried with some success to ease my woes by finding my strengths and weaknesses and rearranging my life, the ways in which I try to fit into the world, in ways that take that knowledge into account.

Hope some of this helps.

There is no cure. We can hide autism. We can cope with it and 'fit in'. Well some of us can anyway. But if you are autistic you're autistic now and forever. Life will be so much easier once you accept, no, embrace your autism and cut your self some slack. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

Hi cameronY,
you have a comorbidity of ASD called General Anxiety Disorder.
It's a horrible, horrible, horrible condition!

I feel like I have been called into the principals office to get caned,
all the time!

I am standing outside, waiting to get punished,
all the time!

Our Fight and Flight chemicals, in our brains, are turned on, ALL THE TIME!

While the doctor or therapist never used this specific term, I DO have anxiety (as do almost all my relatives) and yes, that's exactly what it feels like. You can imagine how hard it can be to sleep at times! Of course, the typical person's response is to tell me to "relax'. Gee, thanks I never would have thought of that!

This pretty much sums it up for me.