Profiling

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Has anyone ever informally “profiled” you, without your awareness of what they were doing?

Before my marriage ended a member of my In-law family started asking me very specific questions intermittently over a period of maybe six months, one question at a time. This person is classed as gifted, works in HR, very social and an all round successful type of guy.
It became clear to me when I started reading for myself about neuro-developmental differences, taking quizzes and posting on this site, that he had been assessing my tendencies over this time frame. I answered the questions honestly in each instance, thinking nothing of it, but with hindsight it made me feel a bit, violated.

The theme of the questions for context: sensory sensitivities, my focus, my view on social relationships, noticing patterns, my childhood/school experiences, why I react to change, work ethos, do I think in pictures/words, my memory etc.

LOL....he/she should pay YOU for allowing him to be your therapist!

This reminds me, in some small way, of people who ask me if I'm "all right." I'm a pretty mild-mannered guy--but I get absolutely FURIOUS if some one asks me if I'm "all right."

Usually, I just answer the question truthfully--but, at other times, I might counter with: "are YOU all right?"

I'm also thinking of something rather cynical: Perhaps this person was trying to get "material" to use against you in case there's some sort of court situation.

This thought had occurred to me, it was a terribly confusing time in my life and my regular ability to cope was non existent. The proceedings are uncontested, so thankfully I will not know if that was the purpose of his line of questioning. It certainly wasn't to develop a friendship with me.

Brilliant! I also have that question, and feel I need to wear a constant smile to avoid it. But, when I'm annoyed, or if I swear when accidentally hurting myself somehow, then I get ignored.

Maybe, he was just a curious person. I am interested in behavior and probably cross the line in some questions to people.

My instincts tell me that the guy had some kind of non-altruistic motive.

I did consider this also, it sort of shook me when I considered that he had developed a personal understanding of my perspective on the world before I had. If I am simply curious about something, I don't satisfy that curiosity slowly, but I know everyone has a different approach though.

It would be nice, though, if my instincts are wrong--which they are sometimes.

I've had something similar happen. A friend of my wife's friend engaged me in odd conversations. Nothing as elaborate as what is described in this topic's original post, just a few chats in the space of a couple of months. She is a social worker, and not qualified to diagnose anything, but she started mentioning in her social circle that I was "on the spectrum". I think she's just a gossip.

I was angry when I heard about it, and I don't talk to her anymore. When we're in proximity in social situations I politely excuse myself and find reason to be elsewhere.

I never heard anything back, but I wouldn't have been privy to that type of in-family gossip. I think one time, at a large family gathering he did notice how anxious I was and directed the conversation towards topics that would interest me, but I was in monosyllable mode by that stage.

This questioning is something that I have mulled over for almost a year now, not continually, just one of those things that happened and left me with uncomfortable feelings. Like when I started reading about types of visual thinkers, I suddenly remembered that he had asked me about this in a very indirect way a year beforehand and that irritated me.
Oh well, such is life.

That sounds creepy; it would make me feel uncomfortable, irritated and a bit violated too. It does smack of a kind of profiling or of a nosy person with layman knowledge of the spectrum trying to "probe" you about things. Icky.

Perhaps 'Probing questions' might have been a better title.

If he had asked me directly, it would have been obvious, if he was being subtle with the aim of getting to know me better/to add a context for some of my oddities that would be OK.

That wasn't the aim though, I believe he was applying HR profiling techniques, for an unknown aim, maybe simple curiosity, maybe not, I'll never know.

It just bugged me when I read something that I identified with and remembered that I had already answered questions about it.

I do the same thing as your in-law family member. In my case, it's pretty innocent - I'm just curious, since psychology is my intense interest. I sure hope no one ends up thinking badly of me for it later.

I suppose it depends on how you use the information you accumulate through curiosity.

Perhaps it is a misplaced belief, but I think the ethical context is different based on the purpose of the research/the branch of psychology. His reference material was from a HR/business perspective.

If I was still in contact with this person, I think I would limit my interactions with them like a previous poster mentioned; having to be guarded around people regularly invited into my home would not be a comfortable experience.

Nope...to be guarded within Home and Hearth is not good at all!

Isn't that something that the police/detectives do?!

Not that I have personal experience with this, but I gather that cops interviewing suspects or person of interest tend to repeat the same questions over time, to see if they get different answers, then they know the answers are lies because the story is changing. It's a cop technique apparently.

For example: "So what's your favorite color? And do you enjoy animals or are afraid of them? How's that uncle of yours doing? My uncle just bought a bright yellow car. I hate that color don't you? What's YOUR favorite color?"

It can be within the same conversation or one that takes place a week later, but they ask the same stuff in different contexts to see if your answer remains the same.