"That time of the year again..."

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Around this time... so oppressive... I lost my first love years ago at this point, and everyone seems to take a holiday at this time... kids decide to play with their balls, and I'm just rotting inside, just rotting...

Sorry about your loss I for one can't stand the summer months Hang in there.

Sorry, I think I've known that feeling, and it's a cripplingly dread inspiring place to be... Do hang on, the pain does appear to die down over time. As for relating to the feeling, I cannot forget good people, and I've never found anyone as admirable and powerfully lovely as I found my first love. People have tried to tell me time and again that I'll move on when I meet someone new, but I never found another woman's personality attractive enough to actually want to date prior to meeting her, and I was 24 when I met her. I found the best I've been able to do in moving on, is having sought and found a fair amount of acceptance in being single over the last few years. I'd not go as far to say that I'm happy being single, but I do find a fair amount of rest and ease in navigating such a solitary life to the point that I'd certainly not be comfortable giving up the freedom of the path for anyone less than my ideal.

Seasonal affective disorder?

I have a different sort of reaction, but in a way similar. I see the kids playing and wish that I had friends who could play so spontaneously/innocently/curiously. I wonder when I will ever have the kind of romance that middle schoolers have, along with the friendship that two kids playing together on the playground have (I want a relationship that includes both of these things at the same time).

Like the other day I was at a park where I used to go as a kid, and I wanted to swing on the swings, but there were already kids there. While I was in a good mood before, I quickly descended toward depression. Because firstly, I didn't want to take the swings away from the kids, yet I wanted to swing. Also, even if I had been able to, I realized I wouldn't have anyone to swing with me (particularly a girl). And even if I did, there's a decent chance that the other person would be doing that just to please me, not because she has the same excitement toward things like swinging on swings that I do.