Suicide

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Hi. How common is it to have suicidal thoughts while on the spectrum? I'm having them a lot recently...

I think depression is fairly common, but I'm not sure about suicidal thoughts. I've been dealing with them for about 18 years though.

It's very common.

There have been some threads about it, and periodically someone starts another. I think there were some polls, too.

I've googled just now and got 60% have thought about and 35 % have planned or attempted. That seems low for what I see here.

Probably not that helpful. Did something happen to make you think about lately?

You seem like a bright guy. Why do you feel sad?

I'm 65 and was diagnosed about 3.5 years ago. While the diagnosis answered many questions about my life that had always perplexed me beyond my ability to figure things out, it also has opened my eyes to the realities of being an adult on the spectrum. I have begun to see many things in a new light. I've had problematic relationship with some in my family and feel very alone. Typically, I have no real friends and don't have a clue how to be one or make one. I have been unsuccessful finding help through my insurance. They have told me they have no resources for adult autistics. I asked specifically. I'm in the process of trying to get mental health sessions with them. They have nothing in house. I'm going to advocate tomorrow for a counselor outside their system who deals routinely with people with Asperger's to see if I can finally get some valid answers and some help with dealing with life essentially alone. So, I've begun wondering if life is worth living this way. Sorry if I sound down. I'm simply trying to answer your question.

I understand your quandary.

At least you could use us as a sounding board. And you could engage intellectually with those so inclined as well.

ASPartofme feels similarly--that's a poster whom you could commiserate with. He feels frustrated, too, with the lack of services provided for autistic adults.

It's really difficult to find a good counselor, much less one who has comfort with spectrumites. I remember one, though, a long time ago and he was amazing and wonderful to me, but it was before ASDs were much talked about in men much less adult women. He just accepted me exactly as I am rather than acting surprised every time something confused or upset me. I think that's the most important thing. Some would disagree, but being allowed by another person's brain to exist exactly as you are rather than as someone else very different imagines you should be is missing when I'm really down and I think the most important thing.

I hope you find someone good.

Is it very common? Because I can relate to these feelings, though I don't truly wish to kill myself. My therapist asks somewhat often if I think about suicide, and I try to be honest but should probably be more forthcoming--I just don't want him to think I will hurt myself or that I need to be inpatient somewhere.

Since I was in my early teens my mind has often gone to suicide when I reach crisis mode and feel no one understands me or is letting me be myself. Over time I realized that this was because I desired control over myself. I noticed that if I thought of suicide for a little, I'd calm down and then not want to harm myself at all. I just need to know I could choose my fate, since my family was often telling me how I should fit in more, or projecting onto me what they thought I felt or was thinking. I don't know if anyone else feels the same way. I do have thoughts of suicide, without truly being suicidal. I love life.

I wish you the best, pcuser. I currently have a good therapist who understands where I'm coming from. They are out there. I also think this site is a great resource for information and to find people who have had your experiences. It may look like just some message board to outsiders, but I think Alex has done people a service here. I hope one day he is remembered not unlike people such as Rosa Parks for helping to alleviate a population's pain in his own way.

As a quick update, I've begun to get proactive about getting Kaiser to help me with appropriate care i.e. specialist in autism. I've found out that in California at least, the ACA (Obamacare) requires your health plan to provide appropriate care, even if it has to be gotten outside their network. This is probably similar for other states. We as a group must advocate within the laws to demand appropriate care. The situation now is scandalous...

I wish you luck in the advocacy.

Thanks.

An update: I've gotten Kaiser to give me a psychological intake and 10 hours after that. I talked to the therapist and she has worked with Autistics, both adults and children, for 17 years. She also has family who are autistic. It's probably easier to force the issue with insurance companies with the ACA in place. A call to your state or the feds will give you more information. All of us who can should start demanding fairness and help with our unique issues. The more we do this, the better for all of us...

That's great they did that for you!

I hope you can request more time if you need that once the initial and ten hours are up.

I have just read your posts and I feel for your situation. There isn't much out there for us adults on the spectrum. Most funds and attention go to children. Despite the love I have for children, I also know that once they've grown up, there's going to be this healthcare gap and they're on their own.

I'm hoping to get active on the topic myself soon and make sure that in the future we are going to receive the appropriate support, when we need it, in most places of this world. Just fingers crossed.