If your therapist makes you wish you were dead,

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fluter
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18 Oct 2016, 10:12 pm

If your therapist makes you wish you were dead, should you quit him and go back to your old one? Or, should you keep trying? I don't know if I'm just having a hard time because of the change, or because he's just doing a terrible job. I thought a few weeks ago that he was doing a good job, but not today. Today was terrible. I have very little confidence that he's telling the truth at this point. And looking back, I've wished fora train to hit me so many times over the past month and a half. But it's only a month and a half. Should I keep trying? How long should I keep trying?

Just so you know, right at this moment, I'm not wishing for a train. I'm safe at home with my cat, and feeling calm. It's just a passing thought that I use to calm down sometimes--to think that the confusion could all be over with a simple jump. I feel like my old therapist taught me to calm down without thinking about it, but I've now forgotten whatever it was that he taught me. I don't like that I've returned to it, because it seems unhealthy.



broccolichowder
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18 Oct 2016, 10:19 pm

A month and a half is a long time to feel so unhappy. I've quit therapists after one day or after a couple of weeks . . . there's no minimum amount of time you're required to stay with a therapist. So if you're uncomfortable, ditch him and go back to the old person.


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fluter
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18 Oct 2016, 10:26 pm

The only thing is, the old therapist laughed at me when I told him I think I have ASD, even though professionals at a major hospital in NYC told me I have it eight years ago. I didn't think that was good. I feel so lost.



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18 Oct 2016, 10:50 pm

fluter wrote:
The only thing is, the old therapist laughed at me when I told him I think I have ASD, even though professionals at a major hospital in NYC told me I have it eight years ago. I didn't think that was good. I feel so lost.

I think maybe you should shop around, but don't expect to find a therapist that isn't occasionally wrong on something or doesn't say something annoying once in a while. I think it is fair to expect to have one that can at least disagree with you in a professional way ("agree to disagree" as they say) and generally not make you wish you were dead though.

You also don't want someone who never challenges you or pushes in positive directions (as long as they're realistic). It'll probably help to have someone more aspie-friendly though as I think their approach should take that aspect into consideration.



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18 Oct 2016, 11:29 pm

I had a therapist like that back around 1998 to 2001. She dismissed everything that she said and laughed at me every time I opened my mouth.


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fluter
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18 Oct 2016, 11:58 pm

[quote=You also don't want someone who never challenges you or pushes in positive directions (as long as they're realistic).[/quote]

I feel very challenged. That's why I keep trying. I think it's good, but difficult. You're right, I shouldn't expect someone to never say something insulting. It's not fair to expect that. I think I'll say that the jury is still out and the future is undetermined. Maybe I'll decide on December 1st.



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19 Oct 2016, 12:21 am

I would bring this in your next session and let him know how feel… Minus wanting to be dead, maybe say feel worse (something lighter). In my state, they may overreact and send you away for a few days. Something I feel does more harm than good (different topic, for another thread). If your still not satisfied, then cancel your next sessions.

My current therapist and I disagree on some things. If I correct her she just twists it back to what she believes. If it’s not important to me, I just drop it and move on.



zkydz
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19 Oct 2016, 12:41 am

My biggest problem is dealing with a group of people who do not understand it, yet think they do. And they can be really dismissive. To the point that I am firing my current therapist. And yes, that is how I see it.

Their job is to service you. Just like any other professional, there will not always be a match. But at the same time, I do not see it as 'quitting' a therapist. They did not do their job, they are fired. Moving on.


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19 Oct 2016, 6:06 am

Therapist are people.

They can have off days. You are paying them for an opinion. I look at them like coaches. Not everything a coach says will work. Therapy can be like that too.

Psychiatrists and therapist will not 100% agree with you. They aren't your "friend". Where a friend might dance around giving an opinion, a lot of therapists don't.

If this therapist has been decent up until now, you might have hit a spot where you don't want one look at/work on. I've had that happened numerous times with my psychiatrists, to the point I left the office feeling murderous. Lol..

You need to figure out...

Therapist having an off day?

You hit a tender spot and aren't up to/not ready to tackle.

The therapist has been crap and this is pushing you to get a new one.

Autism can make it to where one misunderstands the situation or what was said. This particular part happens to my husband all.the.time. My husband doesn't trust people. He sort of trusts me more than most, and the only person he really trusts is our daughter. When you can't read body language, have a hard time putting things in context, throw a huge helping of anxiety and trust issues into the mix, words get misunderstood. He would come home loaded for bear after a therapy session. We'd pick apart what happened in therapy. Most of the time, it was something that was misinterpreted and taken the wrong way.

I'm glad you are feeling better. I would bring up what happened in this session in your next visit. You have nothing to lose, especially if the event is causing you to quit therapy.



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19 Oct 2016, 6:16 am

SH90 wrote:
I would bring this in your next session and let him know how feel… Minus wanting to be dead, maybe say feel worse (something lighter). In my state, they may overreact and send you away for a few days. Something I feel does more harm than good (different topic, for another thread). If your still not satisfied, then cancel your next sessions.

My current therapist and I disagree on some things. If I correct her she just twists it back to what she believes. If it’s not important to me, I just drop it and move on.


Am I reading this right that in your state (Florida?) mentioning suicidal thoughts may get you involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital for a few days, a situation which results in patients not disclosing suicidal thoughts?

It seems like this would be something important for a therapist to know.


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19 Oct 2016, 7:22 am

Life sometimes makes me wish I were dead(or more so never born). Central Park is beautiful this time of year. Go for a walk, visit the Met, have coffee and people watch, and only concern yourself with the therapist at the actual visit. What I mean is try offset the negative aspects of life with things you enjoy but believe me when I say I know its not easy.



SH90
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19 Oct 2016, 8:03 am

Adamantium wrote:
SH90 wrote:
I would bring this in your next session and let him know how feel… Minus wanting to be dead, maybe say feel worse (something lighter). In my state, they may overreact and send you away for a few days. Something I feel does more harm than good (different topic, for another thread). If your still not satisfied, then cancel your next sessions.

My current therapist and I disagree on some things. If I correct her she just twists it back to what she believes. If it’s not important to me, I just drop it and move on.


Am I reading this right that in your state (Florida?) mentioning suicidal thoughts may get you involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital for a few days, a situation which results in patients not disclosing suicidal thoughts?

It seems like this would be something important for a therapist to know.


I am not suicidal; I just know a family member this has happened to. Being taking out of work caused them to miss pay. There for falling behind on bills. The routine disruption caused more depression by being thrown in less than human conditions. Getting a huge bill from the hospital causes more stress. This person was already having financial difficulty from loss of job and starting a new one (so no health insurance). Being new on the job and already out for a week ended with being terminated. So bills fall more behind, to the point of eviction.

It’s very easy to get someone committed in Florida. It’s normal for someone to feel depressed and question their existence; but there should be a requirement to see if an actual threat is valid. Does this person have the means, is there a plan in place? What alternative options are available? Committing someone should be that last resort and the possibly of it making the issue worse is never considered. The other issue is a mental health counselor doesn’t have to be the one to send you; can be police or educator.



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19 Oct 2016, 8:21 am

Nothing in what you said makes you sound like you are suicidal. I know you are having thoughts of dying. That's a sign that something is wrong. You aren't happy. But it's a world away from a person who is really "suicidal." You don't have a specific plan. You don't have a timeline or a commitment to follow through. You just don't pass the suicide threat test at all. And good for you! Good for recognizing these thoughts as scary but passing thoughts, not actions.

You can tell your shrink that you felt this way and they shouldn't do anything mean like threaten to commit you. They are a professional and hear this kind of thing all the time. It's very normal to have those thoughts. Less so to start to contemplate carrying them out. You should expect to get screened for any threat to self-harm, but that's just a precaution. They don't want to miss it if you are serious about suicide.

I suggest telling the new shrink how you felt about your last session and observing how they respond. That will tell you if its time to move on to a new shrink. A good therapist should be able to hear that and help you through that emotion.



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19 Oct 2016, 8:27 am

Doesn't matter what you say or where you are. They are all on the lookout for 'buzz words' so that if something does happen, then they can't be sued for not taking precautions.

I almost got sent for 72 hour observation because I did that thing that you see in movies where you pantomime a gunshot to the head and then the other hand pantomimes the brains falling out (Reference: Just about any movie that is along the same lines as "40 Year Old Virgin".

So, it's not just the docs having their way, it's also becoming policy everywhere in the US (at least) to prevent medical fraud or litigation.


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somanyspoons
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19 Oct 2016, 9:29 am

zkydz wrote:
Doesn't matter what you say or where you are. They are all on the lookout for 'buzz words' so that if something does happen, then they can't be sued for not taking precautions.

I almost got sent for 72 hour observation because I did that thing that you see in movies where you pantomime a gunshot to the head and then the other hand pantomimes the brains falling out (Reference: Just about any movie that is along the same lines as "40 Year Old Virgin".

So, it's not just the docs having their way, it's also becoming policy everywhere in the US (at least) to prevent medical fraud or litigation.


I know that was a painful situation, but there is no way you got sent for observation over one hand motion. There had to be more there. Why? Well, litigation, too. If you really were sent for an involuntary 72 commitment over one gesture, you could sue their ass off. It's totally illegal. Your doctor would have to build a case for anything involuntary and it has to be really solid. I'm guessing you have a history of actual suicide attempts?



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19 Oct 2016, 9:49 am

Ummm, no, there was nothing more than that. It is a VA hospital. There are a lot of people there that are very, very much on the edge. A person can look fine and then, woomp, do something drastic. Also, the fear of litigation extends to many other things.

But, also, if you seeing people and you are under a lot of stress, they will be very cautious. And, they, for the most part I have seen, do not understand our nature. I can't tell you how frustrating it is for me (maybe you guys too) when ;they' get impatient, interrupt and, usually get it wrong. All the way from simple things to big things. So, yeah, I can see people whom would do that. Especially in today's ultra paranoid, litigious society.


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RAADS-R -- 213.3
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