Adult son recently diagnosed with ASD

Post Reply New Topic

Hey all, I'm looking for some help. I have an adult male (23 yrs old) son who has recently been diagnosed with ASD and is considered high functioning... I think I'm stating all of this correctly. Recently, his anxiety is starting to take over his life and any suggestions I have made don't seem to be working. Suggestions to date have been, visualization, focusing on something else, running, repeating to yourself something positive, and remembering something in your life that gave you joy. These are typically met with what I consider to be excuses; I already tried that, it doesn't work, I don't have time to run. And today I suggested he try and find some online help from people who face the same struggles and see how they handle their anxiety. He has told me that everyone he conversed with stated that they relied on their family to help them calm down. I have always been there for him when he calls or texts and needs someone to talk with, shout at, hang up on... I think you get the idea. If you have any suggestions as to how to help him relieve his anxiety on his own, I would greatly appreciate the advice/help.

Has he ever tried medication for his anxiety? Buspar has been a huge help for my anxiety.

difficult age, sigh, when refusing to take control and also refusing any advice

but it helped somewhat in tactics when I looked into the PDA

Thank you both for taking the time to respond... I greatly appreciate it.
He is currently on several different meds, an anxiety med is in the mix, while we try to figure this all out. The anxiety med helps the majority of the time, but when he takes it when he is really anxious it doesn't seem to help until he is able to calm down... which has been the case with other anxiety meds he has taken. Since this is all so new, I don't know if he still needs time to recognize that he needs to take something a little earlier than what he is to avoid the "explosive" (for a lack of a better term) behavior. I also worry about addiction.

Thank you for the link to PDA. I will definitely read more about this!

Perhaps it would help if he took an anxiety med that was meant to be taken regularly like Buspar, an antidepressant or a beta blocker.

I checked out the PDA links and was blown away with some of the awesome insights they provided. I shared my positive responses to it with my therapist today. I am definitely going to mine the PDA info for more helpful insights.

I don't have any good advice. I'm 25, I've known I had anxiety for 16 years and I've not been able to manage it, ever. I suppose the best thing I've learned is self-awareness, I know what triggers it and I know what I can and cannot handle. Also I've learned distraction helps when anxiety is overwhelming..

Two things work well for me: stimming and spending time doing a quiet activity that I love.

Stimming helps in the moment, even intentional stimming. (If you aren't aware, stimming is a repetitive activity, sometimes involuntary or unintentional, that provides stimulation of some type that is pleasing. Common stim include biting/chewing things, playing with items/fidgeting with things, flapping hands or fingers, rocking or moving. For me, I bought a silicone necklace that is chewable but also just looks like jewelry (search 'Zen rocks' on Amazon). Chewing when I'm anxious or nervous helps me tremendously. It sort of feels like if you imagine that anxiety is a rising pool of water that eventually overflows into a meltdown; stimming is like opening a gate in the dam that lets the anxiety out and slowly allows the water levels to drop.
The other bug thing for me is to do something I like in a quiet, controlled environment. My thing is watching very familiar sitcoms that I love. When I'm really bad with anxiety, this is one of the only things that helps me. I turn the volume down to a comfortable level, and I can focus on the show and not my thoughts.

Another thought I had is that he is going to need to understand that ASD is a disability, even if he doesn't feel disabled or doesn't think he needs special considerations. There are things he can do to help himself, but he needs to realize that he isn't like other people and can't be exactly like other people.

Are there certain environmental factors involved when he gets "explosive"? That description sounds more like a meltdown. Meltdowns aren't always triggered by anxiety, and they're more of a system overload.

I take a low level of xanax 3x daily for anxiety. (Also Zoloft) Drinking a lot of green tea and chamomile has made a difference, too. (Brewed, not the sugary bottled junk). If he doesn't want to run, walking in a quiet area is beneficial too.