"I hate you, don't leave me" BPD thinking or normal ASD?

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Basically, at a very young age, several of my doctors suggested I get tested for aspergers because it seemed extremely likely that I had it. My mom never got me tested for it and so to this day I don't entirely know whether I have it or not, but my sister has bpd and I thought I could relate to its symptoms, but when I really was around her for a long time, I knew that I wasn't like her in any way at all.

Basically I have a question if my way of thinking is normal for someone who has AS or if it seems like a "I hate you, don't leave me" bpd type of thing to think:

I have several friends that I talk to and enjoy being in their presence....for about 5 minutes. After that, I start getting annoyed at them and wishing I was alone (I do this with pretty much everyone). Over time, this turns into me being downright mean to them and leaving, usually. However, I get upset when they don't seem to want to be around me. I logically realize that no one wants to be around someone who doesn't want to talk to them, but I still get upset. I have a desire for companionship, I think, but when I actually go and talk to people, I realize that it's stressful, and then when it's not stressful it's just annoying, and I really enjoy being alone. Something to note is that I like meeting people for the first time and getting to know them, but if they try to talk to me repeatedly, I get annoyed. Still, I like the fact that they are thinking about me and willing to put time in their day to converse with me, but I just... don't want to talk to people more than a couple times. Often, I will respond to people's texts just to be nice, but I'd rather be doing something by myself, unless I want to tell someone something greatly interesting that happened recently. I don't carry any ill will towards anyone, but if anyone who wasn't my mom (who I rely on financially currently as I'm 17 years old -- working on becoming independent) passed away that I didn't know, I would have no feelings towards it. I don't know if I'm capable of grief, or anything like that. I'm not a sociopath, because I feel bad for people all the time to the point where I am brought to great sadness just by someone expressing their displeasure for anything, especially something relating to me.

I know that this is strange, but does anyone else on this board feel the same way? I'm not complaining about it, I'm involved in way less drama because of it, but I wonder if really this will cause bigger problems in the future. Even when I have a crush on someone, it goes away within days because I find out that they're annoying just like everyone else. I don't get it.

Last edited by NukiPershtatet on 06 Jul 2015, 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

whoa, i posted the exact same thread on this board like a year ago. okay, ignore this one if you want. Weird, sorry

My thought process is more like "I hate you, leave me alone."

Nobody on a forum can diagnose you. See a psychologist if you suspect you have a mental disorder.

I already explained that the thread should be ignored. If I knew how to close the thread, I would, so that I wouldn't have to listen to people like you who can't follow directions.

By the way, not everyone can afford psychologist visits -- some people aren't born into riches, and it's a bit much to expect me to be financially independent already.

Sorry if I offended you. I do believe I followed the directions, however, as I was to ignore it if I want. I'm not exactly rich myself, considering that I'm unable to work and am currently trying to scrape up enough money to grant myself the privilege of sight. Really it doesn't matter whether you can afford a psychologist. I think it's awful that we live in a society where you're denied medical treatment, but that doesn't change the fact that it's impossible for anyone here to tell you whether you're autistic based on a short anecdote (or for you to accurately diagnose yourself based on the replies).

Whoa there! Gear down!

Can you not perceive a difference between " okay, ignore this one if you want" and "directions" to ignore a thread?

Incidentally, ordering behavior on an internet forum is unlikely to be a successful tactic.

On your original question, I don't know about BPD, but "I hate you, don't leave me" doesn't seem like it has anything to do with aspergers or autism. My version would be "I hate you, go away and never come back."

Good luck figuring yourself out, if that is what you are trying to do.

It does not seem to be the splitting behavior of BPD that you are worried about. It seems more that you've learned some scripts over time so you can handle interacting with someone you don't know well; it's just when they get closer, you may not know what to do or you may have serious issues with intimacy, so you get anxious. You hate being anxious and want to get back to a relaxed state. The splitting "I hate you, don't leave me" thing seems totally different.

This is a well thought out response. Thank you.

I can relate to the original poster, at times. It made me worried sometimes about having BPD, since I have a few close family who appear to have this, but I'm very different than them in many ways. So I think it was more a reaction to being very overwhelmed and no knowing what to do, as well as possibly picking up bad habits from being raised around those family members or copying there bad behavior before I could realize that it really doesn't work.

"I Hate You; Don't Leave Me" seems very similar to the social game of "Stay Away Closer", where an individual fears or hates that which he or she desires.

Or maybe it's the fear of losing one's identity in a relationship while craving the relationship just as much.

Either way, I am not a psychologist, so my opinions on psychological states and "Head Games" are probably useless.

The person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) gets their identity from the relationship, so they are terrified of it ending because that means their identity will go with it. They do get the intense emotional swings as well where they can quickly switch from idealizing or obsessing over someone to hating them, but they still are afraid of being abandoned by the person.

From the OPs description, it sounds more to me like Asperger's. It seems that you can handle social interaction in limited doses, then it wears on you. That is very typical of introverts and/or Aspies.

cant say that i do. however throughout the years of rejection i now am reluctant to trust people when they say they like me.

my sister has BPD, she assumes literally everyone is judging her and hates her. her #1 priority is how she looks and what people think of her.

i am the opposite i forget that people have opinions of me at all and take little time and effort into my looks.