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SteelMaiden
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19 Jul 2015, 10:24 am

My friend and I sorted it all out.

But am I the only one who has, and enjoys, a friendship that does not involve social stuff?

I asked my friend if a purely functional friendship is okay and he said yes, definitely.

(he said his girlfriend has been making him socialise with her friends and he didn't like it - that was the confusion)

He said he likes the fact that when we meet, it's professional and practical. We get things done, then we part.

I like that too.

Socialising in the classic sense makes me nervous. I avoid it. When I see my mum, who is very social, I make excuses to leave early (I have an agreement with her, a compromise, that we see each other once a week).

Does anyone else do this?


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SocOfAutism
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19 Jul 2015, 10:30 am

With most of my friendships we talk to each other rarely and don't say much when we do talk, but it's to the point without small talk. I feel like I get more value out of our time that way.



nerdygirl
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19 Jul 2015, 12:13 pm

I need way more socializing than I get. That is tough because I don't "connect" with most people. And the people I do "connect" with are way too busy or Aspie-like themselves to spend much time socializing with me! It really makes me feel very bad.

I work at home. I am a musician, so I spend a lot of time alone practicing and composing. When I am with other people, it is mostly students (kids), so they do not provide the socializing I need. I see some people at church, but we don't talk a lot.

I talk to my family. Mostly only my family. I love them, but it drives me nuts because I need some interaction with other people. I went on a hike with a Meetup group the other day. It was fun, but I couldn't see myself getting together with any of them outside the context of another organized hike.

Sometimes, I think if I worked at a workplace, my need to socialize would be taken care of. But still, I don't connect with most people enough to talk to them outside of whatever organized activity we are in together.

I don't really know what to do.



kraftiekortie
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19 Jul 2015, 5:29 pm

LOL....if you become famous, you'll lament the days when you weren't exposed to social pressures.

You'll miss those Meetups. I know the Meetups would fulfill my social requirements.



nerdygirl
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19 Jul 2015, 5:41 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
LOL....if you become famous, you'll lament the days when you weren't exposed to social pressures.

You'll miss those Meetups. I know the Meetups would fulfill my social requirements.


LOL, that will never happen. Haha.

I was thinking earlier today that I should have a superhero name, "Invisible Girl."

I don't want to be famous. I just want to get some work locally and do it well.

I will go on more Meetup hikes when they fit my schedule (unfortunately, it's not too often that they do.) I liked the people just fine and chatted, but I need more in-depth conversation than that. I won't get it on a hike, anyway. I might meet someone at one of these eventually who's a kindred spirit.

Now, if I were backpacking with someone and sitting under the stars at the end of a long day, THAT would be the time to discuss the meaning of life. :D



starfox
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19 Jul 2015, 5:53 pm

Your not the only one at all. I'm like that too. I dont know what to do unless there is a purpose. I do like chatting to friends but I have to have a reason to contact them or I have to create a task to do together.

I don't tend to hang out with anyone in person socially though. It's so strange lol


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Skurvey
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19 Jul 2015, 10:32 pm

I reckon that a practical aspect to a social engagement is a great way of socialising - I do it for example hen I do band practice or helping a mate with some mechanical work on the car etc - gives the conversation a focus and people are interested in details when the subject is right in front of them.


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marcb0t
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19 Jul 2015, 11:26 pm

nerdygirl wrote:
I need way more socializing than I get. That is tough because I don't "connect" with most people. And the people I do "connect" with are way too busy or Aspie-like themselves to spend much time socializing with me! It really makes me feel very bad.

I work at home. I am a musician, so I spend a lot of time alone practicing and composing. When I am with other people, it is mostly students (kids), so they do not provide the socializing I need. I see some people at church, but we don't talk a lot.

I talk to my family. Mostly only my family. I love them, but it drives me nuts because I need some interaction with other people. I went on a hike with a Meetup group the other day. It was fun, but I couldn't see myself getting together with any of them outside the context of another organized hike.

Sometimes, I think if I worked at a workplace, my need to socialize would be taken care of. But still, I don't connect with most people enough to talk to them outside of whatever organized activity we are in together.

I don't really know what to do.


Hi there!

I'm' a musician too, and don't generally connect with people on a social level... outside my Church family, or biological family, who I talk to maybe 2 or 3 times a month. We have a pretty healthy friendly relationship, though.

What kind of music do you make? I'm always interested to hear other people's work!

I'm learning to play piano myself, and do electronic computer tracking.


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EzraS
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20 Jul 2015, 12:23 pm

I more like the idea of a project partner. Even with my best friend who is my cousin, it's more about us doing something together, like exploring, than socializing.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2015, 8:06 pm

When I was a child, it was more about "doing stuff together" than socializing--until maybe the age of 12. Then kids started to want to socialize with each other--I still was in the "doing stuff together" phase. Hence, I lost my best friend.

I really didn't have the desire to "socialize" with anybody. I preferred the company of my encyclopedia.



Rudin
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20 Jul 2015, 8:22 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
When I was a child, it was more about "doing stuff together" than socializing--until maybe the age of 12. Then kids started to want to socialize with each other--I still was in the "doing stuff together" phase. Hence, I lost my best friend.

I really didn't have the desire to "socialize" with anybody. I preferred the company of my encyclopedia.


Webster's? I remember when I was 7 I found this encyclopedia (Webster's) and I really liked it and carried it practically everywhere. At summer camp which I went to I sat under a tree reading it.


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Rudin
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20 Jul 2015, 8:26 pm

I try to socialize but I sometimes get told I'm rude. It's mostly me doing the talking but I've been getting better. I find some people are overly social and ask unnecessary questions about my well-being which I don't like to answer, however most of the friendships I have have more or less of a social component.


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kraftiekortie
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20 Jul 2015, 8:28 pm

It was the Columbia Encyclopedia my father gave me when I was 8. It had 26 volumes.



Edna3362
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22 Jul 2015, 4:13 pm

You're not the only one. Banter doesn't get me connected, it only gives me (usually useless) information about that person or at least what he/she would say or know.

I want something more than just that. Something with a simple goal, or as hard as something situational perhaps. I want someone I can trust, not just someone who could only entertain me.


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GrandWazoo
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23 Jul 2015, 3:04 am

You're definitely not alone. I prefer staying on my own rather than going out with people i am actually not that interested in. It might sound harsh, but i find the socializing to be rather superficial and therefore dull. I , for example, like my wife's friends, but i feel like spending time with myself is way more productive than sitting in a bar, drinking alcoholic beverages, and talking about the latest soccer results.



Andrejake
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23 Jul 2015, 11:17 am

I think I understand what you mean.
I'm not completely like you describe, but I do enjoy more when I met someone with some previous decided activity in mind. Sometimes people like to just go outside to "hang out", sit in a park and let the conversation flow, but this I can't do. Whenever I go I just stay there, in silence trying to at least do not get lost in the conversation and that is why I enjoy way more when I'm in a group where I know what probably will be the subject of our conversation and what exactly the activity will be.
For example, I can feel way more confortable when someone invite me to go watch a movie because I know that before it starts we will probably talk about expectations about it (or even others titles) and after we watch it we will coment about the movie itself.