What to do when this overwhelmed?

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I'm at work (working at a research lab at university this summer) and I'm very overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed and/or anxious. Can't really tell the difference right now. I'm not only overwhelmed because of work but a lot of what I'm feeling right now has to do with all of the things I have to do at work (especially this project report I need to write since this is a summer research program and I need to show what I've done). I'm so overwhelmed/anxious that I feel like throwing up and/or cry.

Anyway, I don't really know what to do. It's not like I can just go home. I have to work. I have things to do. But right now my brain won't really work properly. It keeps "locking" itself, won't focus and refuses to think of the report and other things. Instead it wants to lash out. I want to lash out. Most of all I just want to go home, cry a little and be left alone. I don't want to interact with anyone and I don't want to see anything but the walls of my room, my books and my computer screen.

I get off work in 4.5 hours but it's not like I get to just relax after that. No, I have to buy food, cook food, clean my room and socialise with my boyfriend. Don't want any of it (in fact, even though I was stressed out before that the whole feeling of being this overwhelmed was triggered by my boyfriend saying he'll probably come over earlier today than we decided the other day and when I told him I have to clean today, since I don't have time for that another day, he just said he won't be in the way). Ah, I'm rambling. Sorry.

Just want to know what to do when I'm feeling like this but I can't remove myself from the place where I'm at right now. What do I do? What do you do when this overwhelmed?

Hmm. Would it help to to focus on one task at at a time instead of all the things you must do? Complete one task first; don't multitask.

Multitasking actually isn't good for anyone. We can't give our best work if we're only part paying attention to something.

Stay at work though. Don't leave because you will regret it later.

I'm not really multitasking. I do one thing at a time but I'm getting overwhelmed because of all the things I have to do anyway. For example: I'm really overwhelmed with the project report because I've got so much to do in the lab that I simply don't have time to sit down and write (except for right now, but now I'm too overwhelmed to actually do anything productive).

When is the project due?

It sounds like you need to take some time off. Easier said than done, I know, especially if you get paid by the hour. But, if you can afford to and have one available, call in sick one day. Or, if you can get away this weekend, DO IT.

When I was in high school and would get overwhelmed like this, my mom would have me take a day off and call the school to say I was taking a sick day. One time I asked her about the "ethics" of it, and she called it a "mental health day." Ever since, I have felt free to take a "mental health day."

STOP the onslaught on your brain. The brain needs time to rest and restore, just like muscles do when they are worked hard from exercising. I highly recommend getting outside into nature. It is extremely restorative.

This kind of thing you are describing happens to me quite often, especially because I am involved in a lot of things that require heavy thinking and creativity, and I can be under deadlines. My brain can get seriously fried. One time about a year ago, I had a week so bad that I literally got a severe headache from doing a lot of thinking. I mean bad... and it wasn't a tension headache, it was from the actual thinking required for the work I was doing.

If I can't get outside, watching a movie helps me (as long as it's not something overwhelming like an action movie.) I don't have to think to enjoy a movie. Other modes of relaxing at these times do not work for me. I can't read (takes brain effort) or do crafts (takes brain effort), etc.

STOP the thinking for a while... Your brain needs a rest.

Three steps that might help:

1) Deal with the anxiety.

2) Untangle the project and other obligations and make a map

3) Do each thing that you need to to follow the map, one thing at a time.

The anxiety/stress is it's own thing, all about itself and not the problem. Meditate, go for a walk in nature, listen to good music, read a favorite book, get immersed in your favorite thing, take a pill--whatever it takes, knock that useless emotion down. Minimize it. Take it's power away.

Then untangle. The project and cleaning the house are not one big thing. The boyfriend coming over at the wrong time is not part of that one big thing. These are distinct issues that need distinct and separate responses. The problem with the sense of overwhelm is that it all seems like too much--and viewed as one big tangle, it IS too much.

But it's not one big thing, it's separate activities and each one breaks down into smaller sub activities and these break down into specific actions. Make a map that lists the major parts of each activity, then list the sub activities, then go through each of those and list the specific tasks. Finally, list specific actions needed to execute those tasks.

That's the map of the thing untangled. You can refer to it whenever you get lost in detail or feel overwhelmed. The next bit is comparatively easy. Action by action, one at time, go through the lists and get them done. When you are done the report will be written.

For example, the report map might look like this

Write an outline of the report (introduction, methodology, activity report 1, activity report 2, activity report 3, analysis report 1, analysis report 2, results, notes, executive summary)

Then then sub activity list for "acitivity report 1" might be
1) gather notes from activity 1
2) read through notes and select parts for inclusion in the report.
3) write an outline of this section
4) write a draft of this section

And so on.

It's like the old platitude: the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
This is true, but it's also true that a map and compass (or better still GPS) help.

Good luck! You can do this.

Can you tell your boyfriend you're a bit overwhelmed and have him stop on the way to get some food shopping done? Or maybe help out with organizing your thoughts on the project?

nerdygirl: I agree I need a day off (preferably several days off). I also need sleep. I suspect I'm a bit sleep deprived. Haven't been sleeping well lately. I've been waking up an unusual amount of times each night. Usually "only" wake up about 2 times a night but the past week I've been waking up around 4-5 times per night. That probably contributes to my current state of mind.

The project report is due in the end of August/beginning of September but I really need to be done before that, seeing as I need to study for an exam as well and doing both at the same time is a bit too much for me. Thinking about that stresses me out as well.

Adamantium: I've made a "map". That was the first thing I did when starting on the report. I broke the whole report into smaller pieces: abstract, introduction, materials and methods, results, discussion, references. Then I broke those parts into even smaller ones. That helps. That's not what I find difficult (though focusing on each part and not panic about the whole report is a bit difficult too). What I find difficult is how long it takes to write each part. Finding references to use is the hardest thing so far.

Waterfalls: I asked him if he could go to the store but he was apparently busy with other things. I don't know. Anyway, I went to the store but I have to skip cleaning because I simply don't have the time or energy for that right now.

The main thing to do when this overwhelmed is to push through it, do each thing that you absolutely have to do, neglect some things that you don't have to do for awhile, and know that this period will pass.

One thing to keep in mind is not to mentally blow up your project and report into a huge deal that completely stresses you out and paralyzes you from doing productive things that would help with your project and report. It helps to just chill a bit about it, considering that you still have a month before the report is due, and you have some idea of what you are going to write.

Yes to all of this. Less thinking, more doing.

I like the ideas about next actions in the "Getting Things Done" system--overall, that system is too complicated for me, but the idea of reducing things down to "next actions" has been very helpful to me.

The task might be "get references for the report section on rococo tea sets" but that is not an action. "Read through notes for references on RTS" is an action. "Search online for refs for the RTS section" is an action. "Call Tim to get his list of refs for the RTS section" is an action. Once you have identified that specific actions to take to advance the project, none of them is insurmountable.

The mistake is in looking at them as a larger, more diffuse aggregate--that gives your mind the space to "blow up the project" as btbnnyr puts it. And prioritize. Do things that are important and urgent first, then the urgent stuff that's worth doing, then the important stuff, and maybe drop anything that is not important and not urgent.

Does your boyfriend understand about your AS? Would asking him to come over later, or on a different day, be acceptable? Or is he just going to misconstrue it as you being mad at him or something and make the situation worse? If he has to come over, perhaps ask if he can do the cooking, then maybe the two of you can do something quiet like watch TV together, or read in each other's presence. You don't have to be actively social, even though sometimes having other people in the same room can be too much. If you two haven't discussed issues like this, I'd recommend doing so, not right now when you're stressed, but later, when you can explain things calmly.

Another way to think about it is that you don't actually HAVE to do any of the things you said - it's just that there'll be a price to pay for not doing them. In some cases the price may be worth it, in others not.

If I was in your situation, the first thing I would drop is buying & cooking food, and get some takeaway food instead. The price is that it would probably be less tasty, less healthy and cost more, but for me it would be worth paying that price. For you - I don't know, you may have special dietary requirements, or maybe you're really short of cash - so YMMV. Or not.

The second thing I would drop (or reduce to bare minimum) is cleaning the room. Again, if you're hypersensitive to dust or something like that, the price may be too high for you, YMMV.

The 3rd thing - you don't HAVE to socialize with your boyfriend. In fact, I'd say that if you feel you HAVE to, and also he's not helping you out with chores when you're stressed out, your relationship could do with some improvement. Now, working through relationship problems tends to take huge amounts of time, which you don't have right now, so you probably don't want to pay that price at the moment. IMHO the scenario you want to get to is where you get some quiet right now, and hopefully later on you two start working on your relationship. Worst case, if he's not open to that, I'd say dump him ("shock and awe" style, so he won't come back trying to patch things up just when you're super busy).

And finally - work. Is there anything you could do there to reduce stress? You may want to be careful because the price for "failure" (however that is defined) may be be very high - or not, depending on your skills, circumstances etc. Maybe you have other options?

Yes, it is important to reduce the expectations you have of yourself.

My life is very busy and I have a lot of deadlines, etc. My house is a mess a lot of the time. And my family eats way more pizza and take out than we should. But that's the way it is. I *can't* keep everything together in the "ideal" fashion. Maybe there are some people who can, but my executive functioning skills (or lack thereof) prevent it.

I used to get upset with myself because the "ideal" was hanging over my head. I *should* be able to make every meal healthy and from scratch. I *should* be able to keep my house clean. I *should* be able to get all my laundry done in a timely fashion. And so forth. These *shoulds* hung over my head and cluttered up my thinking, along with everything else I had to do. And the guilt from not meeting these expectations were heavy on me and crippling my other work.

I had to learn to say "I can't do that right now." Or "I am *choosing* to do this instead of that." It is OK to let your house go or your diet go or whatever else can go for a little while until you get through this major hurdle and get back to a more "normal" routine. This is a huge push. Your schoolwork and your mental health, from what you have said, are the most important things right now. The chores and the food can take a back seat.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned, I hope he can help you let go of unnecessary things and help you to achieve your goals. These moments (and I mean moments, because it is not going to last forever) of high stress will come from time to time. It is important to see how he reacts when you face this kind of situation.

As far as sleep goes... I do not sleep a lot, and when I am stressed I sleep even less. My brain does not shut off and I end up "thinking in my sleep" all night. Sometimes, I deal with it by just saying the heck with it and getting up and doing some of the stuff I am stressed about. Other times, I really need to sleep.

Have you tried any chamomile tea at night, or other relaxation teas? Celestial Seasonings makes a "tension tamer" tea blend. Warm milk helps. I have also found that popcorn helps me. I sleep best after eating popcorn as a late night snack. I also take a calcium & magnesium supplement occasionally (need to do so more) called "Calm." It helps me sleep and also relaxes my muscles. I have high muscle tension normally and when I am stressed it becomes even worse. The supplement helps me relax, physically and mentally.

I hope you can get in a small break. But if you can't, I hope all the suggestions that everyone has made will help you get through this period.