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In January 2015 I was self harming. My teacher found out and told my mum. My mum told me I had Asperger's Syndrome, and my teacher arranged for me to see the school counsellor. I attended three sessions, which didn't help so I stopped going.

In March, a student Science teacher joined and took over teaching my class. I developed a crush on him. When he left in June, I was of course upset. But he said he was coming back in September. Somehow the whole class knows I fancy him, and keep teasing me. Only two friends know I have Asperger's, but I haven't been formally diagnosed.

About two weeks before he left, we exchanged a couple of emails, as my favourite subject has always been Science, and I'm fascinated by Forensics, so I emailed him asking about the causes of Asperger's, but didn't tell him I had it. A day before he left, I emailed him telling him I had Asperger's, and sensorineural hearing loss, asking for advice and maybe his help in finding a cure. He passed it onto the same teacher who knows I self harmed (I still do, but she doesn't know). She had a chat with me.

Despite the fact I fancy him, I really don't want him next year, as I think it will be awkward, and I keep having dreams about him teaching me in class, and mocking me.

What should I do????

I'm 13 by the way, birthday 9th October 2001, I live in the UK

I also saw him a couple of days after he left, he was in school doing work, but not teaching. He made eye contact with me and gave me a weird look, kind of sympathetic but judging at the same time...

I do sympathize/empathize with you. I had a crush on my 8th grade English teacher when I was 13.

But there are all kinds of legal problems associated with you and your teacher "consummating" the crush.

If I were you, I would do what I did: use the teacher as an inspiration and/or as a poetic muse.

You seem like a very bright girl, and will go far--especially if you're given the proper therapy.

I do attend my local grammar school, and I would never dream of following through with my crush, as I know all the problems that can occur, and I'd be way too scared...

My main issue is if we have him next year, I'm not sure whether or not I should have told him about my Asperger's.

I don't sense much harm in you telling him you have Asperger's.

The way this kind of awkwardness is typically handled is that people look for ways to pretend it doesn't exist.

If you show up for class next year and do not refer to it in any way, he will be happy to take your behavior as a signal to carry on "as if nothing had happened."

But you have to do a little prep work internally. You need to realize that all these anxieties and dreams are in your head, not the world. Let them go.

Then you can have a good year in the autumn. Don't worry about the other kids mockery--they have short attention spans and will move on to something else if there is no new weirdness to fuel the fire.

13 is a hard age, but things can get better. Good luck!

You asked for scientific curiosity and that can never be wrong. Unfortunately there is a difference between a science teacher and knowing about the causes/treatments of autism. I'd suggest looking up autistic lectures on youtube quite a few by prominent researchers on their thoughts. Lots of personal experiences for advice if you find someone talking about the same difficulties you're having. Better than a science teacher.

As for him mocking you that's something kids do to each other so since he's an adult he shouldn't. And if he does and is exposed depending upon the education system he will lose his job so I'd rate the probability very low. And he doesn't sound like the type.

Thank you to all of you for taking the time to read my posts, and for sending such detailed replies. You have helped me a lot.

You can look at this experience as trying out something, which will give you information for the future. It was like practice for you in telling someone you don't know all that well about your AS and asking for info.

I don't know how much control kids have over who they keep for teachers. Adults can just take classes from a different person if they feel uncomfortable with a certain instructor.

But really, it doesn't matter what this teacher thinks or if he judges you. He may seem important now, but he won't be for long. In a year or two you probably won't even think about him anymore.

I have enjoyed reading all your helpful replies, but if anyone else has anymore advice they'd wish to share with me, I'm all ears!

It's possible you might establish a nice Socratic relationship with your teachers.

These kind of relationships always help students (and help teachers, too).

What do you mean by that?

I'm concerned by the fact you say your mother told you that you have Asperger's, that you're telling others you have Asperger's, and yet you admit you're not diagnosed.

If you're not diagnosed, it's not a good idea to tell people you have Asperger's.

Where did your mother get the idea from? Has a doctor said they "suspect" you have Asperger's? If that's the case, then THAT is your current diagnosis. SUSPECTED Asperger's, which is quite a bit different from being diagnosed as HAVING Asperger's.

Currently my medical records say "Probable Asperger's Syndrome".

It's a step in the right direction, but it's not a true diagnosis.

It's not a good idea to tell people you have something when so far it's only your mum who thinks so. Wait until a doctor diagnoses you. Until then, be careful about what you say to others, both schoolmates and teachers.

As for the student teacher, you're not the first young person to have a crush. Leave it at that, tho', and don't try to form any type of personal relationship with that student teacher. That's why he informed your regular teacher. This sort of thing can turn into a terrible problem especially for the adult. You might even want to stop e-mailing him. Most importantly, talk with your mum and see what she says.

The self-harming? Try to get help for that if it persists. Talk with your mum and possibly a therapist or counselor. It's not healthy, and really doesn't achieve anything but possible scarring for life.

We all wish you well.

The student teacher sounds nice, I don't think there's a reason for awkwardness over what you said. But when you wrote you haven't been formally diagnosed, what did you mean? Are you dissatisfied with how your mom told you, or the way you came by the label, perhaps?

Your mom can suspect you have Autism, but only a health care provider can diagnose, or you can self-identify after hundreds of hours of reading about how it feels to be Autistic. (If you're interested in reading about how it feels to be Autistic for hundreds of hours, that is already an indicator, lol!)

Being Autistic carries some stigma, but I promise it's not as bad as you are worrying about, especially for a young teen. About 1-2% of people are Autistic, and your generation is actually getting diagnosed (versus mine which was not- I'm 27). As you get older, you will find that your peers will be diagnosed with many mental health illnesses and neurological differences, and it'll feel more and more normal to be a bit different.

As far as the self-injury, that can be common for Autistic kids. What helped me most when I was 13 and self-injured was that the school counselor created a group for students who self-injured to talk once a week. It was nice to be able to talk to other girls who understood what I was going through and I found it very supportive.

"Sethno", is it really so disconcerting to read that I have told four people I probably have Asperger's syndrome? I told them because I trust them and all the symptoms are an exact replica of my behaviour and interests. Was it really necessary for you to be so vindictive in your reply? Also I do know the consequences of self-harming, but it is very addictive and in a way, it helps.

"Waterfalls", to be honest with you, it was a relief to finally find out why I had always been so socially awkward, and why I saw the world differently to other people my age.

"Girl_Kitten", thank you for your advice, I have attended a few counselling sessions in the past about my self harming, but she mainly focused on the Asperger's side of things, and kept saying how "my mind functions differently to other people my age", which to be honest, wasn't really therapeutic...