What special things does your mom do?

Post Reply New Topic

1)...The Question?

What special thing does your mother do?
&
Optional question, if your mother died what
would you remember her for?

2)...Statements by Ghosthunter

I start this Thread with a morbid and
still enlivening thought. Our birth
mothers are our seed to our life and
when this seed dies, you feel it.
Or if there is a mysterious draw
to call to make to them, you feel it.

I have for a while had a nagging urge
to visit her. She may have given birth
to me, and may not have raised me,
but she is still my birth mother.

Last night I called her on instinct:

I said "Hello, is Anita there?"

She said, "Huh! and slight dramatic
pause!"

I said "Mom, how's going(feeling a bit
uncomfortable, but getting use to
saying it).

She say's, "Oh! hi Stan" and slight
dramatic pause.

I say, "Karl told me that you had breast
cancer", and then she starts talking
about other cancers found and
chemotherapy.

I try my best to listen to this foreign person,
and tell her "I love you mom!", but still feel
uncomfortable saying this and then mention
I have been thinking about visiting you.

We talk for a short time about her telling
my sister, and visiting the grandkids
from my sister.

I then ask to talk to dallas(her 4th husband,
but not of love, but being he is divorced 4
times, companionship) and we talk about
his retirement, and when I ask for my
mom, and make a final evenings phone
conclusion, he say's "Anita, I swear you
don't hear me!.. It's your son".

I explain finally the hostel and about
the current situation(being that she is
my birth mother and might want to know)
and why I left "The house of pain and
emotional suffering".

She is now further detached, and I say
"I love you mom!" feeling for her and
the cancer thing.

What crosses my mind on this is that even
in deaths door and her only son trying
to contact her, silence and distance, but
at least she is not in a foreign space like
my dad(the one who hasn't even seen
his grandkids).

God-Bless my Grandmother!

I wish I had something better to say
but one's birth mother always leaves
a connectedness to her birthchild.
My is not positive, and I seriously
doubt that she would even talk about
my past(ages 3 and down), but I have
come to expect that even when
deaths door is on her.

I write this and ask about your biological
parents:

• the things they may do that
are special to you?

• the things that they do that
annoy you?

• the special relationship that
this universal connectedness
give us, you and your birthmother.

If your like me, I have my
Grandmother because birthmothers
are not always perfect, but gave
blood and flesh to life's eternallness
and connectedness.

So for those like me, what special
memories, or negative memories
(because I have none of the 1st
and 2nd year of life and all my
Grandmother said was I stayed
in a crib until 2+ and my grandmother
had to teach me to crawl then
walk. Apparently my birthmother
is not connected to the getting in
touch with her kids even at a young
age.)

This is not a morbid thought, it is a
reflective and negative, and hopefully
positive thought. There are alot
of you in the Aspergers realm that
don't really grasp the value of your
birthmom, and their are others that
would remember their G.M's but not
B.M's. So please don't take offense
since autism has it's limiting effect
that effect us all in the ASD spectrum,
and this is what might make it hard to
you to understand their pains and
sacrafices.

3)...The Question Repeated!

What special thing does your mother do?
&
Optional question, if your mother died what
would you remember her for?

Last edited by Ghosthunter on 08 Jun 2005, 8:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My mother taught me to walk and other stuff when I was little. She was always is there to give me advice and guidance. We take walks and do other things together. She makes good meals for my family, while growing up. She is a kind and loving person. If my mother died I would remember her as kind, loving person to me and the rest of my family.

Great topic Ghosthunter! You always have thoughtful topics and nice poems. You put the most thought of everyone in your posts.

special things my mum can do...?

1) add pages of numbers quicker than i can with a calculator (i'm convinced SHE's where i got my AS from).

2) irritate the bejaysus out of me, with her racism, sexism, homophobia (she's patronising rather than aggressive).

3) get over her temper tantrums as soon as i offer her a cup of tea.

4) always phone me when she needs advice on something (usually medical, herbal, cooking).

5) cope with the death of my dad, after 54 years of marriage.

6) worry about how clean the curtains are!

i'm sure there's more, and probably more positive things.

Ghosthunter,

I found this posting of yours even more poignant than usual.

I, too, was raised by my grandmother. I've been out of contact with my mother for many years. I applaud you for reaching out to your mom, even though your relationship is also detached.

My mother was very young when she had me, so most of the good things I remember about her are fun things, like playing video games together.

I am glad you have a close relationship
with your mom. What are some other
favorite memories of her. My Mother,
Anita is 59. If you don't mind me asking
how old is your mom? I hope I didn't
offend you asking these questions, because
I can be nosy and that sometimes
gets me in trouble in conversations.








Most Intuitively,
Spectre in kind-Ghosthunter
 


Hmmmmm? May I ask why did your
Grandmother raise you. What's the
story on your mom? and You? and
living with your Grandmother?

I hope I don't seem too forward
in these questions? I am being
recipicol based!

Hmmm?
Ghosthunter

Mum was a world class ironer. When she ironed something, it stayed ironed looking all day!

I do not know my birthmother as she gave me up at birth. I know that we were in the same hospital for 3 days, while she recovered, but she wasn't allowed to see me, so I spent the first 3 days of my life in the hospital nursery, alone (so, of course I have abandonment issues)...I was born around the holidays and was one of few babies in the nursery. Then my adopted parents picked me up.

My birth mother and father were both "professional musicians," which could mean they were in a loser band. They were both graduate students too. They were not in love and did not want to get married.

My adopted mom or "mom" as I call her takes care of my daughter pretty much for the entire weekend, so that my husband and I can have a lot of time together. My Father died last year, so she is lonely and likes to have my daughter around for comfort.

Tallgirl.

Ironing is a good and unique gift.
Most people can't iron to save their
life!

What else is special about your
mother? If you choose to answer!
Cool! If not, that's also cool!

Hmmmm?
Ghosthunter
 




Hmmmm? Why wasn't she allowed to see
you? If I may ask? Were you born
premature? I was reading about
autism and premature birth connections
most recently. I mean not offend, nor
insult, just being recipicol.




Describe these adopted parents. Were
they nice? did they inform you about
your real mom? Did you get furnished
with any location for them? This is
something often discussed on Television
alot.



This would explain the adoption part!
What kind of instruments did they play?
Did you make contact with any of them?
If so....What were they like in likeness
to yourself?



This sounds like your adopted mom and dad.
If I am incorrect in the dad part then please
correct me.

I am hoping they were supportive of you
in your autism spectrum development.

How old is your daughter and if you don't
mind me asking how long have you been
married. I am hoping this has brought
some happiness in your life Tallgirl.

I am assuming your under 25. I am
curious how this adoptive part of your
life has helped? or hindered you evolution
as you?

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

well, she assumes black people don't have the same home life - as in she will ask if they eat biscuits, or if they have t.v., that sort of thing. and she tends to speak very slowly to them. sexist, as in she's a product of her generation (she's 74), and so believes all that rubbish about women pandering to men. having said which, she doesn't do it herself, necessarily (although she did with my dad). she believes that gay people shouldn't be able to adopt, and has a very narrow view of what gay people (and black people) are like - i.e., she assumes "they're" all the same.

as far as the temper goes, she's very impatient (like me), and loses her temper very quickly, and she won't back down, so it's me who has to be the peacemaker (whether i was the one who caused the row or not).

dad died in 2003, of bowel cancer. he was 78. it was unexpected, as he got very ill very quickly (it all happened in 24 hours), although he'd had the cancer for several years, and had had an operation to remove quite a chunk of his bowel. we thought he was on the mend, but obviously not.

my mum is 74 (as i said above), and is devastated. she's spent most of her life with my dad, and doesn't know how to function without him. i think she's doing marvellously, quite frankly - i haven't the faintest idea of how anyone could cope with that. she says it's like losing her lungs.

i don't mind you asking at all, ghosthunter. however, i nearly missed your questions, cos they were all as quotes!

and i couldn't possibly lose my identity - i'm still working on adding to it thank you for your kind comments though

My mother is now going to be kind enough to drive me around since my car appears to be fatally ill:

1. broken rod (which may require a completely new engine depending on how bad it is)

2. exhaust manifold leak (FOUR months after a new manifold was put in = shoddy work and the guarantee is now expired on the labor)

3. perhaps a busted belt in my right front tire

4. exhaust leak beneath the car as well

THANK YOU, MOM! (sincerely)

But argh. I just want my car to work.

Sophist? When do you plan to get
a new car? another used car?

and

Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat
De Sebat, I say thankyou for your openness!
I try to be courteous and have
learned to grow to respect you and
in all your "fiestiness!"

My mother had the faith to entrust me into a oral speaking program when the norm was to teach the deaf sign language. . .it has made all the difference for me! She has always pushed me to accomplish my dreams, she has always listened to my monologues (at least I think she did. . ) And she makes a mean pasta salad, to boot!

oh, and "Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai Ekbat
De Sebat" is just my new title (above my avatar), so you can still call me vetivert (if it's easier), although i rather like being leeloo...

Ghosthunter, I'm going to not be driving my car too much, probably for a couple months until I can afford all of the above (and find a mechanic friend to do the labor cheap). Until then, my mother is going to be extremely generous and drive me about.

Honestly, I can't afford a new car. Fixing this one, despite that it's going to be incredibly expensive, is still cheaper. I can't afford monthly car payments nor to pay off the taxes on a new car.

The b***h of it is that I just got this car (or should I say got screwed?-- forgive the language, but it is the most accurate) last May, 2004. Crummy little used car dealership. I've put too much money in for the little driving I've done. Now I want to punch the car saleman AND the auto mechanic who "fixed" my manifold...

Because my birthmother had up a to a year to take me back, and psychologically, the state did not want the mothers to have an opportunity to form an attachment. My adopted mom said they were constantly frightened my b-mom would take me back. I was never told I was premature, I doubt b/c I was over 7 pounds when I was born.



My adopted parents are/were great people. I was very fortunate to get the parents I did. I wouldn't want any other parents. They told me I was adopted when I was 7 years old. It wasn't too bad, b/c my best friend was also adopted, so I really didn't think it was a big deal.



I don't know what instruments they played, but my a-parents told me they were professional musicians, which could mean they were in our local symphony too. This explains my musical abilities. I have not made contact with them. I have a great family and I don't feel like I am missing anything. Sorry, a little long-winded. Um, I don't know what my b-parents looked like, they didn't have asthma or allergies, as I have, and they were highly educated, which if I ever finish grad school, I will be too. Honestly, if they were in grad school, they could originally be from anywhere, they didn't necessarily have roots here, in my town...



Yes, I am talking about my adopted mom and dad and my adopted dad is the one who died last year.
They didn't know I was autistic, but did notice my weirdness, like jumping up and down the living room for hours. I don't know if I freaked them out or not, but they never told me I couldn't stim, they just thought it was funny, as the rest of my family did.

My daughter is 9 months old and I have been married for four years. My husband is the best husband, I really don't know what I have done to deserve him. I am well aware that any woman would love to be married to him. He is smart (he has a calculator brain), handsome, funny, athletic, kind, positive and very supportive of me, even though I drive him nuts a lot He is also a great father, he really reminds me of my Father. So, yes, although we have had many hard times, I am happy with him.

I am actually 29 years old. My writing voice tends to be young. I think the adoptive part of my life has hindered it. I have such abandonment issues that I have made many poor decisions in my life based on fear. Although my life is good now, I can't help thinking what might have been or what might be if I don't let go of fear.

Wow, that was long.

Tallgirl.

Ghosthunter,

Basically, my mom lived with my grandmother and me. She met a guy, and took off to live with him when I was nine years old or so. They lived in a city with some crime and a poor school district, so I remained with my grandmother. Really, I do not think my mother wanted the responsibility.