"I Can't Believe You Have Autism: The Compliment That Isn't"

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http://www.jasonsconnection.org/cant-be ... ment-isnt/

I've been almost forced to ACCEPT that as a compliment because the definition of autism they have *is* insulting.

Someone said something like this today. 'I didn't know, usually I can sense something buthat I didn't with you'

I believe that it is supposed to be well meaning but it is extremely annoying.

My son is on the spectrum and whenever he is being quiet and my other children are acting up, I get people saying things along the vein of 'oh you wouldn't know he was special needs because he's so much better behaved'.

I even had my mother outright say he wasn't autistic at all because of his polite nature and he always hugged her when she left and said goodbye. It was only after recently having him over to spend the evening that she reeled off a laundry list of things he does that she noticed and miraculously he was now, definitely, autistic.

That was a good article. I have been the recipient of several versions of this same 'compliment that isn't' before.

I was diagnosed at 30 & have always been aware that I am 'different' and worked really hard to hide my differences because I thought that was required (bad outcomes when I behaved or spoke as my true self combined with observing other children being corrected or bullied into normal behavior made me believe this type of acting was normal and expected when I was in kindergarten). It was only when the stress of 'faking normal' caught up with me, causing some major illnesses that I got diagnosed.

Now, I am left with a lifetimes' worth of people who only know the 'normal-actor-persona' that I had worn all my life. When the few that i choose to disclose my autism to learn that I am autistic they often respond with disbelief. I try to take it as a compliment to my acting abilities rather than an insult to my integrity & to use it as an opportunity to educate them about autism.

A few months ago I had a woman say to me, "Well I would never have guessed...(puzzled pause)...but you've got a partner, a job and you can drive a car!"

I shouldn't have, but I replied, "I know, I also wear a suit! I am a disgrace to my tribe!"

She didn't get it.

I got told this recently - "I would never have picked you!"
Just because this person was being friendly and making an effort to make a connection between us (unlike everyone else, it seems) and I was able to hold a conversation. That's it. Apparently I'm invisible as an autistic because I can talk to someone else who was being understanding.

My OB told me that he doesn't think that I am Autistic because I don't sit in the corner, facing the wall, rocking. I was completely caught off-guard by his outdated perception of Autism that I couldn't even think of how to begin to explain to him what Autism actually is.