Mobbing in the Workplace - a danger for us?

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I was very moved as I read this article on workplace mobbing:

http://www.kwesthues.com/ohs-canada.htm

As you will see, it is treated from the perspective of a health and safety workplace issue. There is no reference in it to people on the spectrum experiencing this or being at greater risk of this. I am inclined to think people on the spectrum probably are at much greater risk, and there will be a number of members with painful stories to tell of their own experience. If it is not too painful to write about, please post your experience.

The writer of the article makes the distinction that although bullying is contributory part of mobbing behaviour in the workplace, the two phenomenons are not identical. And as he concludes, it is an intensely painful experience for a human being to bear. It flies under the radar a bit. Bullying in the workplace on a one-to-one basis has been so extensively covered in research, commentary, awareness programmes etc. Mobbing seems, for some unknown reason, mostly ignored by the same people and groups.

Humph, looks like I was "collectively bullied" rather than bulied in primary school then... It f***s with your mind cause there's a constant threat from everyone.
I think it's more common than the article states cause most people who have their entire environment against them are highly unlikely to ask for and GET help, feels like being helpless tbh. I mean one bully can be difficult enough to get rid of, but a bunch of allied people... lol, who's gonna believe that? Right, nobody. Cause "nobody's seen anything" strange when they are asked... It's everyone against you.
In most cases all you can do is get out of that environment and be strong (prepared to be assertive when potential bully tries to test your boundaries) next time, rly.

IMO abuse is almost everywhere in some shape or form... verbal, physical, sexual, emotional... Almost everyone has come into contact with at least one of those.

But I agree that Aspies are often pretty easy targets. Especially those who have little knowledge in how to fend off bullies.

Do you mean like this?

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=270305#p6336823

I think you may remember the thread. You told me I had power. I've never forgotten that

Been through that. Instigated by a manager.

Worst time of my adult life.

It happened to me too, after I blew the whistle on a commissioner who was using public money for his private purposes in quite a lavish way, and did hardly anything in terms of his appointed role. It was terrible. I took him to the employment court and won, though the cost of lawyers was more than the awarded compensation. This is quite a common circumstance, so most people never take them to court because they can't afford the legal fees if they lose. It was truly a terrible experience.

There you go.
Your good advice stands the test of time.
It was helpful back then and it's just as relevant today.

I will try to stay from the invalidators.
I may have to wear a string of garlic around my neck and carry a crucifix.

Mobbing ultimately drove me out of my job as a tax lawyer and out of the profession altogether. I have been mobbed out of my family. Pretty much just about impossible not to be disliked...something to do with my apparent aloofness and superior tone which I cannot make head or tail of.

I have learnt to stand on my own two feet and I pick and choose my friends.

Thanks, B19, for that article. You always provide useful information for us. Mobbing sounds like a very difficult problem to deal with because it's one (or a small number) against many including the bosses. It seems that company-wide awareness and very ethical people are essential to prevent this from happening.

The company I work for has a very bad culture that would easily allow something like this to happen. Even some bosses themselves actively isolate and ostracize some workers. HR tends to try to blame the victims because it's easier for the HR team. They talk about their anti-bullying, anti-discrimination, embracing-the-diversity, blah-blah policy that they have no intention of enforcing. It's all formality.

Another article about this:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/be ... ng-william

I am having these thoughts this morning:

This has to do with the way groups create shared identity by scapegoating. I experienced it in high school and at work and those are among the worst memories of my life. The group helps to create myths about its identifying characteristics without spelling them out by attacking the outcast person for not having those characteristics. It seems to be a standard NT method of group formation and consolidation.

There was an interesting example of this on a "reality TV" show recently, which I posted about in the tv and film board viewtopic.php?t=292380

I watched helplessly as this was done to my daughter at school. She had started a "Club" with a few friends and the bully came in and took over the club, then forced the other girls to shun her at all times. This was so successful for the bully, that the other girls involved not only stopped being my daughter's friend at school, they also stopped coming to the house or inviting her over. It's sad to see happen with 1st graders, but you can see all the mechanisms forming then that show up in working life for adults.

The Pierre Lebrun story in the ohs-canada link is too sad.

Today this is really depressing me. I think I need a long walk in the woods and sun to get my spirit back. Sometimes it just seems that people suck.

I guess you have to focus on the decent ones as much as possible. Sometimes it's hard though.

This happened to me in the last conventional job I held, after which I was determined to become self employed even if it was only scrubbing toilets. Which it was.

I had always worked retail beforehand. In my final retail job, everything started out fine. I was a diligent worker who always kept my head down, didn't rock any boats, and actually got along with everyone. I was a person who was not a troublemaker. I smiled a lot. I laughed at everyone's jokes. I always made efforts to fit in albeit as the quieter one. I even made what I thought were friends -- the boss liked me, my immediate manager didn't and was a b***h, but her replacement liked me and even invited me to go shopping with her, friends-style.

I got along great with a guy I'll call Oswald (not his real name). He was kind of the main "great guy" whom everyone liked and got along with. We even had things in common in life and I thought I'd made a friend. I went out for drinks often after work with him and some others.

There was a girl in another department I'll call Dorie. She was best buddies with Oswald, they were particularly close and "had each others' back" kind of deal. Dorie wasn't an evil person but she was a loud, pushy b***h. She didn't mean any harm but she WAS obnoxious and swaggering. It rubbed me the wrong way but I just shut it all down inside as was my way back in those days. I pushed down A LOT of stuff back then. I don't f*****g do that now, I've suffered too much. People get both barrels with me now and damn the consequences, I've been through too much bullying.

Dorie took my "niceness," my smileyness, and my basically very MEEK personality to equate that I was also "not very bright." Stupid in fact. That used to happen to me a lot too, even though I actually have an IQ in the "high" category, was considered a gifted child, had precocious talents early on (although as I matured the talents only rose to "moderately good" among peers rather than "genius" anymore, hah.) I'm not stupid. But when I was younger I was TRYING SO f*****g HARD not to rock any boats or offend anyone that I just smiled all the time and responded in ways I thought would be socially appropriate, because when I was "myself" I was a clueless person with autism.

I am 53 now and only just got diagnosed coming up on one year ago this month. Back then all I knew was a lifetime of not being like "normal" people. So there I was being fed to the sharks in workplaces.

Which is what happened at this place. One day Dorie just pushed me one time too far with her explaining to me something work related and adding her usual condescending "Capiche? Capiche?" I got fed up and when Oswald aksed what was wrong -- and this is where I DID get "stupid" with my Aspie tendency to overlook connections and not realize it's the wrong time, place and person to say something to -- I told him of my grievances with Dorie.

BIG mistake. Not only did Oswald immediately and summarily turn against me for saying a word against his buddy, but he managed to poison the entire well of everyone I got along with at the place, including the boss who liked me.

Rapidly over the next few days, the place went from somewhere I had enough friendly people to tolerate the environment, to a place where every second person was giving me dirty looks and the cold shoulder. All because one or two well liked social kingpins got pissed off at me for daring to get upset at being treated like a piece of f*****g s**t, and confiding in someone I thought was my friend too. I trusted him and he launched a neutron bomb on me in that place.

Long story short, I wound up getting called into the office and being told to adjust MY attitude or leave. I got up and walked out and vowed never to be an employee in a conventional workplace with co-workers again. I had been a good, quiet, sweet, decent person and a f*****g hard worker, but the social well got toxic from one faux pas that even had a legitimate basis for complaint, and nobody saw it my way.

Also, like the woman in the article posted above, I feel I was scapegoated and singled out for being different in nationality.

Not only did I have spectrum-related weirdnesses I was trying to keep down but always sneak out, and I made spectrum related mistakes both work-related but especially socially-related, but in addition I too was the "odd one out" nationality wise, like the woman in the article.

It must have felt easy for them to distance themselves from me when push came to shove as I was "not one of them" anyway. They turned on me very much in a mob. I did nothing more than confide dismay over Dorie. I didn't have a meltdown. I didn't yell at anyone. I wasn't horrible. But they all turned against me and made my life hell there, and I hung on for a few weeks before it became unbearable.

I have avoided jobs like that since. I made up flyers with little phone number tabs to tear off, posted them all over town, and started cleaning houses, and I've done that for 23 years now. I only have to deal with clients and don't have to deal with co-worker small politics and social hierarchies and backstabbing. I can never and will never go back to a normal workplace environment again.

I think human being are scum, when I really get down to it.

I'm sick of the condescending, the sniping both overt and covert, the snide holier than thou attitudes when someone copes better than they see I do, I'm sick of all of it. I think people are sh!ts. Friends turn on friends instead of working out what's wrong, being compassionate, or seeing through to the pain. People ostracize. My family mobbed me too, scapegoated me. I have no faith left in humanity, even the "Nice" people turn out to be high-horse scum,always loving the opportunity to feel "better" than someone else, holier than thou, "WE'RE okay, but wow she's not!" See ya wouldn't wanna be ya. I don't see the point in cow towing anymore to people of that ilk.

BIF

That sounds so familiar. For me, I guess the big question is how do I add meaning to the rest of my life....I feel as if I am on a planet of a semi barbaric species and dont belong here. I basically do not like them so the next challenge I face is to find enough of a social space that add some meaning...but like you, I am very guarded, even with the nice ones.