does anyone live with fear of being a disruption to others?

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i think this comes from me having such a hard time with socializing and it being a foreign language but i feel so much nerves and paranoia in a conversation with someone, i don't know when i am being too vulnerable/too weird/too open - i can't navigate a normal conversation, or know how to "ignore people" or "play hard to get" or any of that. god, it seems exhausting. i don't know - i just really feel like i am scared to OVER cross boundaries or to continue to message people when they don't respond OR when they do respond, I don't know how to handle it - it seems like things go good and then i SELF sabotage the conversation. all i really want is friends i guess

I don't like to disrupt people's lives.

But if somebody feels "disrupted" over some imaginary thing (which happens), I just ignore that person.

You dont disrupt anybody until you start doing something and aware of what you're doing, and most of the time they will ask you to stop/warn you about it. But there are also people Ive met who werent like that, and when I was disrupting their life they(well, she) refused to tell me, and she broke up with me without any previous warninng. I dont know if that was because she was a girl and girls are naturally too timid to tell you these things, but maybe not. I think it depends on the person, and to really know whether you're disrupting someone's life or not, well I would go with the "ask them directly" option. I dont worry too much, because I know I'm a person who doesnt get involved into people's lives too much unless they're an extremely close friend, but I never try to disrupt anything for them, and if I am doing so, they would most likely let me know or otherwise they're not a honest friend. And whenever I realize that I do, I would obviously stop. But I rarely do something like that and not aware of it, because usually they would tell me or I would notice it by my own. So instead of living in fear of doing so, just ask the person and they would tell you, no big deal.

I sorta do.

I moved into a house share just recently, and my experiences with house shares and roommates have generally all been excessively poor. People tend to get very irate with me for reasons I'm unsure of, but I am very poor at making any relations with other people rewarding for the other person.. I am aware of this. I am unsure how to fix that still.

But I try to be quiet, very accommodating, very easy going.. Doesn't always work, some people think you might be being difficult or rude.. or you don't like them.. something silly. If I don't like a person, I deal with it by not reacting to my distaste. I try to act as civil as possible.

I always had issues not making conversations seem as if I was trying to make them about myself, but I was usually just trying to elaborate that I had a similar experience.. basically what was okay for me to say when I was under ten years old.. is no longer acceptable because I am older.

Recently, my sister told my step-mom something she honestly shouldn't have.. and my step-mom started treating a very distressed, close-to-anxiety-attack me very poorly even though I had done nothing wrong in terms of the conversation. But my sister didn't tell me that I was upsetting her, because she didn't want to hurt my feelings, so my step-mom attacked me and her attack was 'justified' because I was stressing out my sister.. But damn, if I'm stressed out by something I'm just told to deal with it myself...

People are inconsistent, unreliable in certain terms, and I generally do not trust anyone with my feelings and the sorts because I do make people uncomfortable. I'm coming to terms that people don't want to hear it and people don't want to talk about it, even though I'd willingly listen to other people if they needed it.. but I guess its bad now.

I'm going to try the asking directly thing from now on, many people don't expect questions like that.