During my meltdowns, I cry, scream, hit myself on the head, and bang my elbow against the table. I always feel really ashamed after it's over, but I can't stop the meltdowns from coming out.
I think if you're struggling with depression, that you should see a psychiatrist and get counseling and/or medicine. Remember, you are worthy of a good life, and things CAN get better. Best of luck. 