Anybody here have trouble w/online or telephone socializing?

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I absolutely positively will not use a telephone or answer one. I hate them. I get no visual, habit, idiomatic or true tone quality recognition markers through them. (I am way picky about music, too. Hifi all the way and my stereo and computer system is ridiculous.)

But this gives me trouble because I am also a writer and a musician - I have to be contactable to sell my stories or get gigs, so I am big into email...

unfortunately I tend to be lazy or frightened about public blogging where there is a community involved - Deviant Art, MySpace, even here at Wrong Planet. I tend to be very afraid of being judged poorly even though I am highly judgemental myself. Bad Taoist!

I am so afraid I will anger the wrong person or offend them and also, I am , of course, protective of my art. Bad thing for a growing writer and perpetual student so I am trying to get over it and actually read and post.

Anyone else find this stuff difficult?

I can identify. No one on WP likes me, I don't think... My first few posts were hard to come up with then I got more comfortable with the whole format, almost to the point of addiction. The socialization part is very hard though.

I despise talking on the telephone.

I don't socialize on telephone and online either, relatives have told me about using MSN to talk with them online. I have one accound and had use it sometimes to get in touch to my brother but I don't talk to much even to him, he always asks me why I don't talk too much. I use it mostly in cases when I need it, but not to chat. Telephone is the same with me, is the same when I am talking with someone in person, they talk to me and I mostly say yes, no and just a few words
Years ago, I disliked answering the phone, when it wasn't for me, I always got worried to not understand the message for other people, I don't have that problem anymore

I used to be reasonablly fine on telephones until one day where I just literally hid when it rang. I still don't answer it. If my younger brother is at home, then he will answer it now. I hate phones for the same reason as you. In fact, I will be very reluctant to pick up the phone even if it is someone I know well, such as friends, relatives, even my own mum.

Online I am kind of the same, though I don't write in my blog because I can't think of anything decent to put in there.

You cannot know no one likes you. I sure don't dislike you, you seem to be a good poster.

To answer the post, I cannot talk on the phone, I hate it. Online is the only place I can really be myself and express myself, though even that is very difficult at times when it comes to personal things and my emotions.

I like you as much as I can, from what I've seen. You have a twisted sense of humor.
Anyway, I LOVE posting and playing on the forum (no kidding?), or at least am addicted to
it. I am a total spammer. Dealing with the phone is an impossibility however, and I only
have an MSN account so that people can report problems to me (though I can't figure out
how to make pending requests work - so that may just be a waste); I am really uncomfortable
conversing with anyone I don't know this way. I tried the chat room too, and feel as left out as
I do of normal conversations. But with posting - everyone is confronted with my idiocy, and some
are silly enough not to just ignore it.

I like you quite a lot. You're one of my favourite posters here.

Yeah…whilst I’m not afraid of being judged, I’m unable to…uh, talk? I have nothing to say, and searching within the self-induced maze for the right words creates incomprehensible blabber, even if I do have something to say (which is quite rare). The anxiety is unbearable, and as I confuse people with my spoken thoughts I have to explain myself more “normally”, which in turn causes my anxiety to spiral towards…pain.

I still do it though, being afraid but still riding is the mythical “courage” I’ve heard someone say.

(Daniel the autistic here, among other things.)

Last edited by Danielismyname on 04 Apr 2007, 8:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think I'm better on the phone than I am in person

I havent spoken on a phone for a few years now. I really hate them and would avoid them totallt. When looking for work I would only look for jobs that I had no chance of having to use a phone and this severly limits opportunitys. When I was young people made fun of my voice and I tried to make it look like it never bothered me but thats why I dont like the phone because its only voice.

I used to hate talking to strangers on the phone but it's not an issue anymore. The more you do it, the easier it becomes and the less awkward things you say. I have just moved interstate by myself and let me tell you I have a tanline the shape of a mobile phone over my left ear. That's how much comminucating it took to arrange movers, electricity, gas, about a trillion estate agents, new fridge, washing machine etc. etc.

After going through all that and in the last two years or so especially I would rather call someone than send an email to enquire about something because it is faster and they are more willing to tell you things that they would not put in an email reply. No doubt these last couple of months have been draining but it's quite a task for ANYONE I'm sure. If I can do it then I'm sure some of you who whimper at the thought of using the phone can too. It takes practice and can become comfortable. A given NT who has not used the phone for a long period of time would also have some anxiety and come across slightly awkward when making a call.

In regards to msn, I have been quite disappointed to find that people with AS will talk to me once and then never again. I think it is for whatever individual reason, but please if you are AS and you like to chat (does not have to be not ALL the time). But at least now and then, then I would like to add you I have been known to provide good laughs if that is any incentive.

I don't mind having to call strangers but I don't like having to call even very good friends, or having either strangers/friends call me so it seems to be more of an aversion the more I know someone.
Calling me puts me on the spot too much for my liking as others don't seem to realise that a silence doesn't have to be uncomfortable, whereas writing lets me think about what I really mean

I'm absolutely terrible on the phone, I just can't work out what the other person wants from me, because it doesn't come in it's own special context, like when I meet someone in real life.

It's not as bad when I call friends, but I still prefer to text them instead.

A particularly memorable conversation went like this:

:ring ring:
me:"hello?"
caller:"oh, hello. Is there a girl there?"
me:"um. three girls live in this house."
caller:"did one just call me?"
me:"I have no idea."
I shout upstairs, "A guy on the phone is looking for a girl!"
someone upstairs replies, "Who is it!?"
and I shout back "I don't know!"
caller: "F*** this."
*he hangs up*

It all happened so fast.
It turns out that it was our delivery guy, and that one of my female housemates had just called him and had organised so that he'd call back in a few minutes when he was in the area. I felt like such a dumbass. lol. It's funny in retrospect though.

I hate the phone. I try to avoid using it. I can neither get to what I want to say nor understand what the other person wants. All the social cues that I have learned for face-to-face talking (and that was difficult) go out of the window and my phone conversations degererates into a mess leaving me unsure of what to take from each call and unsure if the other person has gotten all the relevent information.

I hate the phone.

I really HATE phones, hardly ever use one except to call my mom. Don't think I'll ever get a cell phone...couldn't see myself out somewhere trying to focus on something and talk on it at the same time anyway...just a recipe for disaster in my case. I find it easy to post in the forums...but I don't do chat, mostly because I go blank or end up feeling more like I'm just sitting there listening in...I seldom know what to say until 5 minutes after I probably should have said it.

I have one friend I chat with on IM on occasion...he probably finds me a bit irritating at times...I know I don't hold up my end of the conversation too well.

I can't stand the phone - if it wasn't for e-mail being my employer's favoured form of communication I would crash and burn badly.

On-line I can only e-mail or post though. Real-time on-line chat is the same as normal chat to me - I work better if I have lots of time to think about what I'm doing. Even then I worry like heck about what I've posted.

GoatOnFire, I can thoroughly empathise with you. I never think I'm liked, whether on-line or not. That's not to say I'm not - I just don't know and so I always assume the worst